Open When I'm Dead
by MarleneShadowheart
Summary: When Demyx finds Xemnas' secret file of THINGS NOT MEANT TO BE SEEN, he decides to share it with a few other members, and hilarity ensues. Rated T for crossdressing, crack pairings, slight language, violence, and...well, a lot of things.
1. Never Again!

**A/N Ever wondered what Xemnas' life was really like before Organization XIII? (Yeah, I know the whole "scientist's apprentice thing). But imagine if that wasn't all…**

**Please read, I know you'll enjoy it! This story provides a healthy supply of Vitamin C!**

…**Okay, no it doesn't.**

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><p>It started out as just an ordinary day in Organization XIII.<p>

Axel, Roxas, and Zexion were sitting on the couch, watching a 24-hour _House_ marathon, when Vexen entered the room.

"What vulgar ARE you watching?" he asked, disgusted.

Roxas smiled sweetly. "We're watching _House_. Wanna join?" he asked, taking a big lick out of his sea-salt ice-cream bar.

Vexen shook his head and took the remote. "Repulsive," he said, and switched to the Discovery Channel.

"Aw c'mon, man, it was just about to get good!" Axel whined.

"SSSHHHHhhhh…" mumbled Vexen, who was listening to the narrator of the show that was playing.

"_The female desert armadillo and the male desert armadillo build a home together by digging a nice hole in the sand…"_

Everyone groaned. Vexen sat down close to the TV and started watching intently.

"_When living in the wild, it is important that the baby armadillos stay with their parents. Who knows what dangers could be lurking…"_

"Guys! Guys! Guys!" screamed Demyx, who was running down the hallway. Everyone looked around.

"Did you guys hear something?" said Axel, sure that he had just heard someone scream.

"Guys! Guys! Guys! G—"

THUMP!

They all turned around in time to see Demyx smash his face against the wall, since in his excitement he missed the door.

"_Watch now as a large vulture rips the baby armadillo's head clean off. Poor little armadillo…"_

"Guys, guess what I found in Xemnas' room!" Demyx gasped, out of breath.

"A flame-thrower?" shouted Axel, excited.

"Inaccessible knowledge?" shouted Zexion.

"A life-time supply of sea-salt ice-cream?" shouted Roxas.

"Wha—NO!" shouted Demyx, a little annoyed. "I found this!" he exclaimed, holding up a DVD. "It was under some file called, 'Watch When I'm Dead.'"

Everyone cocked their heads to the side. Before they could all ask what it was, Demyx had already inserted the DVD into the player.

"You know, you really shouldn't be going through the Superior's things…" started Vexen,

"Ashushshushshush…" mumbled Demyx, who pressed the play button, and grabbed a seat next to Zexion.

The screen went fuzzy for a moment, and then came into focus. There was no mistaking the catchy salsa music that started to play.

"Dancing With the Stars…?" started Zexion.

"Shuuuuuuuuuuuushhhhhhhhhh!" snapped Demyx, who turned the volume up.

"Today on the show, we have some unusual guests dancing for us here tonight," said the host of the show. "Please welcome, Xavier and his partner, Sierra!"

The audience went quite, the lights came on, and the dancers came on to the stage.

"Is that…" said Roxas.

"No, it can't be…" gasped Axel.

Demyx was too shocked to shush them.

The male dancer, or "Xavier" as he was called, wore black spandex and a poofy red shirt on top. His silver hair was tied back in a long, flowing ponytail, almost hidden under the large sombrero. As he danced, his golden eyes flashed.

"SEXMAN?" Everyone screamed.

They all watched in horror as their faithful leader leaped across the stage, swiveling his hips and tapping his feet.

"Oh, Oh!" moaned Roxas, clutching his stomach.

Zexion turned around and started violently throwing up behind the couch. All of the color drained from Axel's face, including his purple teardrop tattoos. Demyx was crying softly.

It was too much for Vexen. "I can't take it!" he screamed, jumping out an open window. (Keep in mind, their castle floats in the never ending space.)

As for Xemnas' partner, she wore a skimpy red dress that seemed to be made completely out of beads, and her long blue hair kept them from seeing her face. As she swished her dress around and around, performing perfect lifts, she slowly turned her face towards the camera, revealing the unique scar between two yellow eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they all screamed, realizing who "she" was.

"Why Saix? WHY?" cried Roxas, looking up at the ceiling with agony.

"Why what?" said a familiar voice behind them. Axel quickly whipped out his flaming chakrams and hurled them at the TV, so that nobody would ever have to see it in High Definition EVER AGAIN.

Roxas squeaked and threw his ice-cream up in surprise. They all turned around to see Saix standing there, now with an ice-cream pop stuck to his forehead.

"Oh, hi Saix," said Roxas, trying to act normal.

The Berserker just growled and peeled the ice-cream off his face. "What are you idiots doing?" he asked. "And what's wrong with Zexion?"

Zexion was still puking his guts out on to the floor. Saix shrugged and continued. "I need you people to expose of this junk immediately," he said, holding up a large garbage bag.

Demyx was puzzled. "Well, what's in it?" he asked, regarding the bag.

Saix leaned in very close to Demyx, until they were nose to nose, their foreheads touching. "Something I should have gotten rid of a long time ago," he whispered, and then he left.

Zexion finally wiped his mouth, and shuddered. "Never again!" he said, glaring at Demyx.

Axel grabbed at his face. "I will always have that memorized!" he moaned in pain.

Roxas kicked the bag that Saix had left behind. "Wonder what's in here?" he asked.

"Oh no!" said Zexion, being the boring one in charge and all. "We are not looking through other people's stuff again, not after_ what we just witnessed_," he said.

They all shuddered again, and stood there, staring at the bag.

Paused silence.

Axel slowly started to turn around, and then grabbed the bag as fast as he could, and ran with it to his room, where Demyx, Zexion, and Roxas soon followed.

Once there, Demyx quickly locked the door, and they all crowded around. "Now," said Zexion. "We need to make sure that it doesn't look like we opened it. Otherwise…"

But Roxas had already taken his keyblade, and slashed it down the side. The contents of the bag soon spilled out, covering the entire floor.

Axel sighed. "It's just a bunch of old clothes," he said.

Demyx gasped and picked up a blue necktie with starfish on it. "I gave this to him as a birthday present," he said sadly.

Zexion reached in as well. "Hey, this isn't just clothes," he said. He grabbed a thick, black book with fancy symbols on it. "Why is the Lexicon in here?" he cried, dusting it off.

Roxas closed his eyes and reached inside. "Gaaaahhhhh!" he cried. Pluto jumped out of the pile and ran out of the room barking happily. "WoofWoofWoofWoooooff!" ("I'm free, I'm freeee!")

"Oh this is ridiculous!" cried Demyx. He realized that nobody else was saying anything. "Uh, guys?" he said.

They were all staring at something in the pile, their eyes wide with fear. Demyx followed their eyes and looked into the pile. There, lying in the center was a red dress entirely made out of beads; a puffy red shirt; black spandex; and a photo.

Zexion slowly picked up the photo. It was a picture of "Xavier" and "Sierra," dancing.

Just then, Xigbar pounded on the door. "Yo, it's time for dinner!" he yelled.

Roxas leaped up. "Fooooood!" he shouted, and bolted out the door. Actually, more like rammed through it, making a Roxas-sized hole in the door.

Xigbar peaked through the hole and saw the photo in Zexion's hand. "What's that?" he asked suspiciously.

Zexion hid it behind his back. "Nothing!" they all shouted at the same time.

Xigbar shrugged. "Well, whatever it is, the blue-haired one is HOT!"

Everyone in the room went strangely quiet, trying to process what he had just said. Zexion clutched his stomach. "Oh, God!" he moaned, and ran to the bathroom.

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><p><strong>Hope you loved my first chaptah, and it's only just the beginning! (Poor Zexy!) <strong>

**Please review, comment, suggest things, and subscribe, yadayadayada. Every review counts as a birthday present I never got! T_T Not really. ;)**


	2. Bad Luck All Around!

**Back before you knew it! Thanks to people who reviewed! I wrote this chapter right after the first one, so I didn't have the chance to check if anyone did…**

**Read please!**

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><p>Zexion was busy scribbling notes in his Lexicon, mumbling to himself. "Mansex…salsa dancing….Saix…never…recover…"<p>

Marluxia glided over, holding his carrying a basket of rose petals. "Why do you waste away your hours writing in that book?" he asked.

Zexion pretended not to hear him and continued writing. "Marluxia…crazy….wouldn't understand…"

Marluxia sighed. "All I'm saying is that you need to spend some time doing what you love most, and I sincerely hope it's not writing in that dingy little book. Pure enlightenment; that's what I learned while I was at my retreat," he said, and floated away, throwing petals as he left.

Zexion snorted. "Yeah, like I'm going to listen to a snob like Marluxia," he said, and was just about to continue writing, except the book burst into flames.

"YIKES!" shouted Zexion, who quickly dropped his book and put out the flames with his shoe.

Zexion growled. "AXEL!" he screamed, expecting it to be a stupid prank. He ran over to Axel's room, ready to kill.

Axel was lying on his bed, reading Bop! magazine, when he hear Zexion pound on the door. "What do you want?" he shouted, for he did not like being interrupted during his alone time.

Zexion reached for the doorknob. "I know it was—AAAAHHHH!" The minute he put his hand to the doorknob, he got a huge electric shock running up his whole body.

Axel heard the scream of pain, and went to go see what was wrong. He slowly opened the door, revealing a half-fried Zexion, lying in a heap on the floor.

Zexion jumped off the ground and pointed a finger at Axel. "I know it was YOU!" he finished.

Axel snickered. "Nice, uhhh," he said, looking down.

Zexion looked down, and realized in horror that his clothes had been completely burned off, revealing his…yeah, you get the picture.

He pushed Axel inside his room, and ran inside, shutting the door carefully _without_ touching the doorknob.

"You set my Lexicon on fire!" said Zexion. "That was looooooow, even for yoooooooooooooouu!"

Axel scrunched up his face. "I didn't set your diary on fire, got it memorized?"

Just then, Demyx opened the door. "Hello, hello!" he cooed, touching the doorknob without an issue. He couldn't help but see Zexion standing there without clothes on. "Umm, am I interrupting something _special_?" he asked, smiling and raising his eyebrows with the word "special."

"Get in here!" growled Zexion, pulling him into the room and shutting the door again. "Did you see Axel rig the Lexicon?" he asked.

Demyx shook his head and leaned against the door. "I did not see Sir Flames-a-lot rig any journal or diary of any kind. Now, if you will excuse me, I have other, more important things to do." And with that, Demyx turned around, and opened the door.

"DEMYYYXXXX!"

Demyx peaked out the door, saw that it was Larxene, and shut it quickly. "I'm not here!" he whispered.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Larxene screamed. She punched through the door using her knives, grabbed Demyx by the neck, and yanked him through the large hole in the door that she just created.

Axel and Zexion stood there, silent for a few moments, not sure of what just happened. Roxas ran into the room, sobbing like a small child. "Axel!" he cried, running to him.

He wrapped his small arms around Axel's waist, and cried into his cloak. Axel, slightly weirded out by the embrace, patted Roxas on the head awkwardly. "What's wrong?"

Roxas looked up, his big blue eyes clouded with tears. "The refrigerator!" he wailed. "It's empty!"

Axel sighed. "Come on," he said, holding Roxas' hand, and leading him over to The Kitchen That Never Satisfies.

Zexion ripped the drapes from the windows, covered himself with them, and followed.

Roxas opened the fridge, and pointed at the inside. "See?" he said. Indeed, there was nothing left in the fridge, except for a few crumbs.

Axel was puzzled. They never ran out of food. Not ever.

As they turned to leave, Lexaeus reached into the refrigerator, grabbed a can of Orange Soda, and walked away with it.

"Very strange indeed," murmured Zexion. Demyx limped by, his clothes shredded, his hair a mess, his leg badly bruised.

"Larxene was having one of her episodes," he said weakly.

Zexion suddenly snapped his fingers. "Have any of you noticed that we have all been having exceedingly bad luck?" he shouted, proud of his discovery.

Everyone thought for a moment, and then they nodded their heads. Axel was not satisfied. "If that's so, then why am I still in one piece?" he asked.

He summoned his chakrams, yet something was very wrong. "Why are your chakrams covered in plastic?" asked Roxas.

Both of Axel's chakrams were covered in a thick layer of pink plastic. Axel's face went pale, and he dropped his weapons onto the ground. He started flashing his hands at them, but nothing was happening.

"Is he trying to set them on fire?" asked Demyx. If he was, nothing was happening.

Axel jumped back, and climbed up onto the refrigerator. Zexion chuckled. "It's because plastic doesn't burn," he said matter-of-factly.

Axel hissed at him like a cat. He jumped down. "Okay, so maybe we are having a little bit of bad luck. But why?"

Zexion thought for a moment. "It was probably because…" he pondered this for a second. Finally, he pointed his finger at Demyx. "Because of the secret video YOU showed us!" he screamed.

They all gasped. "Me?" exclaimed Demyx. "If there's anyone to blame, it's YOU GUYS! You're the ones who saw the video in the first place!"

Double gasp. Roxas summoned his Keyblade. "You wanna bet?" he asked challengingly.

Demyx summoned his sitar. "Bring it!" he shouted. Soon, everyone had summoned their weapons, and started fighting in the kitchen.

Zexion laughed evilly, opened up a black portal, and stepped through. "He's getting away!" shouted Roxas.

The three of them ran after him. They planned to finish their fight.

_In Hollow Bastion….._

Sora was confronting Maleficent in the town square. It seemed as if they were also getting ready for a fight.

"What in the world do you think you're prattling on about?" shouted Maleficent. "Kingdom Hearts belongs to me! The Heart of all that lives! A dominion fit to be called Kingdom Hearts must be MY dom—Hey!"

Axel and Zexion ran in between Sora and Maleficent, while throwing and hurling their weapons at each other.

"Taste defeat, traitor!" shouted Zexion, throwing more pages of the Lexicon.

"What are you idiots doing here? This is MY dom—"

"Don't you run away from me!" shouted Axel, chasing after Zexion through yet another dark portal.

_In Deep Jungle…_

Axel looked at the trees and vines surrounding him. There was nobody in sight. "Damn, must've taken a wrong turn," he mumbled.

From a treetop above him, Demyx swung down from a vine while holding his sitar. "FOR NARNIA!" he shouted in a British accent.

Axel quickly ducked out of the way, and saw that Demyx was wearing nothing but a loincloth. "Ew…" he said. He grabbed onto one of the vines, and started swinging at Demyx.

They swung at each other for a long time, getting more tired by the minute. Axel turned around, and in doing so, he smashed into Demyx, sending him falling through the treetops below them.

"AXEL YOU IDiot….." he shouted. Demyx opened up another black corridor so that he wouldn't fall to his death.

_In Atlantica…._

Demyx opened his eyes and saw that there was a concert being held in his absolute favorite place: Atlantica.

He smiled, grabbed a seat next to an especially attractive mermaid, and listened to the concert.

_Swim this way, we'll dance and we'll play!  
>Now it's very easy! Come on in!<br>Just take a chance and shake a fin!_

As choreographed, the large clam shells that was on stage opened up, and mermaids started pouring out of them, shaking their fins this way and that. But as the last clam opened, instead of a group of beautiful female mermaids swimming out, something else happened.

"AHAHAA!" shouted Roxas as he jumped out of the clam. Demyx took out his sitar and started fighting Roxas onstage.

"Aw, man!" cried Sebastian. "Shouldn't we be doing someding, your majesty?"

The King laughed and shook his head. "Are you kidding? This is the most exciting performance you've held yet!"

As Roxas and Demyx fought, they found it very hard to move around, considering everything moves slower underwater. Finally, Roxas opened up a dark corridor, and they both escaped.

_At Beast's Castle…._

They all met up outside the castle, in the courtyard. They threw their weapons at each other, battling it out, while doing awesome action moves and speaking intense yet cheesy catch phrases.

"TASTE HARCOVER, LOSERS!" screamed Zexion.

"LET THE FLAMES BURN YOU!" shouted Axel.

"DANCE WATER, DANCE!" screamed Demyx.

"HYAAAAHHHH!" yelled Roxas.

It went on like this for ten minutes straight, until someone heard them. "What the what do you guys think you're doing?" shouted a voice.

They all turned around to see a familiar face. "Xaldin, what are you doing here?" asked Roxas.

Xaldin stood there, shaving cream on half of his face, a razor in his hand, a cup of coffee in the other, wearing nothing but a bathrobe and moogle slippers.

He walked towards them, his slippers making a small "Kupo! Kupo!" sound as they hit the ground. "You should all be ashaaaaaaaaamed of yourselves!" he said, ignoring Roxas' question. "Fighting each other like that! Disturbing the peace of other worlds! We're all brothers, man! Can't you guys agree on something?"

Roxas, Axel, Demyx, and Zexion all looked at each other. One thing they agreed on: No matter how hard Xaldin tried, he was not Jamaican, nor will he ever be.

Demyx opened his arms. "I'll always love you guys!" he said, blushing.

Roxas sniffed. "I love you too, man!" he said, reaching for him. They gathered together for a group hug, except for Zexion. He stood off to the side, rolling his eyes.

"Why don't you join, Zexy?" said Axel.

Zexion rolled his eyes again. "I find affection highly over rated—"

"GET IN THE GROUP HUG!" shouted Xaldin.

"Okaaaaayyyy!" said Zexion, inching into the mob, but making sure to stay as far away from Xaldin as possible.

After the hug fest, Zexion sighed. "But we still don't know who gave us all that bad luck!" he said.

Everyone stood there thinking for a moment. Roxas smiled. "I think I know who it is," he said.

"Follow me."

_To be continued…._

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><p><strong>Don-Don-Doooooooooooonnnn! <strong>

**Hope you loved my cliffhanger chappie! (Xaldin, no matter how hard you try, you are not Jamaican!)**

**Since I haven't thought about who the pranker was, I've decided to leave it up to my fellow readers! If you have a good idea about who the pranker was, than please feel free to leave a suggestion for me! All other reviews and ideas are appreciated also!**


	3. More False Accusations!

**Thanks to all the people who reviewed, Megadraco, Omega Soldier13, water-foxx, SisterOfScarletDevil, you people are AMAZING! **

**Sorry for not updating sooner, here it is!**

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><p><em>Continuing a few sentences before it was to be continued in the last chapter...sort of...<em>

"GET IN THE GROUP HUG!" shouted Xaldin.

"Okaaaaaayyyy!" said Zexion, inching into the mob, but making sure to stay as far away from Xaldin as possible.

After the hug fest, Zexion sighed. "But we still don't know who gave us all that bad luck!" he said.

Everyone stood there thinking for a moment. Roxas smiled. "I think I know who it is," he said.

"Follow me."

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><p>After hearing Roxas' theory, the group appeared in Hollow Bastion a few minutes later, ready for to reveal the culprit. (Xaldin, having nothing better to do, tagged along.)<p>

They went through the dark alleyways and made their way to a small stone cottage with a large green door.

Axel pounded on the door. "Open up!" he shouted. No response.

Roxas took a deep breathe, held out the Keyblade, and shouted, "Oh, thy sword of thy key shapeth, I command you to open the door!"

Still nothing.

Meanwhile, inside the house Cid and Merlin were lying on the couch, watching the sports network. They heard a knock on the door. "D'you hear somethin'?" said Merlin.

"Eh," Cid grumbled, too lazy to speak words of the English language.

Demyx whipped out his sitar. "Dance water, dance!" he shouted. About four water-soldiers appeared, charged at the door, and burst like water balloons the minute they hit the wood, soaking everybody.

Zexion sighed. "Well, this is hopeless," he said. "_Maybe_ if we had something to push the _door_ down, _then_ we could _get inside_." His sarcasm was sincere.

Xaldin's eyes went wide. He grunted, nodded, and grabbed Zexion under his arm. "W-What are you doing?" asked Zexion, worried.

At this point, Merlin had gotten up and had started to make his way towards the door, certain that he had heard someone knock.

Xaldin took a few steps back, and tucked Zexion so that his body was parallel to the ground, his head facing forward.

"RAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Xaldin roared, charging towards the door.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Zexion screamed like a small girl.

"Huh?" said Merlin, his hand on the doorknob, looking out the peephole.

Xaldin smashed through the front door, Zexion's head first. Through the dust and debris, Axel, Roxas, and Demyx ran into the room behind him, clobbering Cid.

"Cut the act, grandpa!" shouted Roxas, grabbing at him and looking him in the eye.

"Eh?" cried Cid, still not able to speak properly.

Axel grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and hoisted him up against the wall. "We know it was youuuuu!" he whispered.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" said Cid, trying to push Axel's hands away.

They were confused. "But...aren't you the great Merlin The Wizard?" he asked.

"No!" said Cid. "He is!" He pointed to the man who was smooshed under the door, waving his arms and legs.

Embarrassed, Axel quickly dropped Cid, dusted him off, and led the group over to Merlin. Roxas lifted the door off of Merlin's body. "We know it was YOU who used your magic to give us all that bad luck!" he said.

Merlin slowly started to peel himself off the ground. "I don't know what you're talking about-"

"LIAR!" Roxas screamed, dropping the door on top of him again.

"Oooff!" Merlin gasped.

Demyx bent down real close. "You're hiding something," he said softly.

Merlin started to sweat. "I-I don't understand," he said.

Demyx bent down even closer. "Someone came here today, didn't they?" he said. He waved his hand through the air, creating a large mass of floating water. He slowly walked towards the large computer at the side of the room, threatening to dump all the water onto the machinery.

"All right, all right, I'll talk!" Merlin shouted. Demyx waved his hand away, and the water evaporated. Merlin cleared his throat. "A man came in here today, wearing a black coat. He asked to buy about four bottles of this stuff." He held up a small blue bottle.

Axel picked it up and looked at the label. "Misfortune Powder: For Revenge or Just Plain Fun?" He looked up, horrified. "This was a...prank?"

Roxas looked at the bottle. "But, I don't think we know anybody who would want to get revenge on us, or anybody who wears a black coat."

They all looked down at their clothes. "Okay...so it must have been somebody from the Organization," said Demyx. "It's time for some recon."

So Axel, Roxas, Demyx, and Xaldin, (who had the now unconscious Zexion slumped over his shoulder) left for the World That Never Was, leaving Merlin still stuck under the door.

Back in Zexion's room, Roxas and Axel and Demyx were crowding around Zexion, who was sitting at his computer. "Hey, where's Xaldin?" said Demyx.

Roxas took a big bite out of his fajita and shrugged. "I dunno. He said something about 'crushing the development in their relationship' or something like that. Anyway, he was headed back to the Beast's Castle."

Axel groaned. "Would you hurry up, Zexy?" he said agitated.

Zexion glared at him, which made Axel go very silent. It was hard typing and clicking with just one hand, while the other one was holding an ice pack to your throbbing head.

"There," he said, clicking on one last folder. The Kitchen That Never Satisfies appeared on the screen, as if there was a video camera recording.

Zexion then clicked the right arrow key on the keyboard, and The TV Room That Doesn't Entertain appeared. "Whoa," said Roxas, amazed.

Axel gave him a suspicious look. "Umm, does this mean you can see us anywhere at anytime of day?" he asked, who was starting to feel a little violated.

"Of course," said Zexion simply. "This way, I always have something to do on rainy days."

Knowing that it always rained in The World That Never Was, everyone shifted around uncomfortably.

"Hey, what does this button do?" said Roxas, pressing a red button on the keyboard. The Restroom Of Intense Constipation showed on screen, along with Vexen doing his—well, you probably know.

"BLEHHH!" They cried, slamming down a bunch of the keys on the keyboard, in hopes that the image would disappear.

Demyx looked at Zexion incredulously. "You watch us in the BATHROOM?" he exclaimed.

Zexion started to twiddle his fingers. Roxas was still shuddering. On the screen, The Gym of Non-Commitment appeared.

"Huh?" said Zexion, leaning in closer to the screen. A mysterious figure entered the room, _carrying a bunch of the tiny blue bottles in his/her arms. _He/she stepped onto the treadmill, pressed a button, and the entire machine sank into the ground.

"C'mon!" cried Roxas, and they all ran down to The Gym of Non-Commitment.

Once there, Zexion ran over to the treadmill and stood on the conveyer part. "Aw, man, which button was it?" he asked, looking at the variety of buttons.

"It was the large button in the middle," said Demyx. "I remember perfectly."

Roxas shrugged and slammed his hand down on the middle button. Immediately, the conveyer lurched into movement, hurling Zexion into the closet.

CRASH!

Silence.

"...I don't think it was that button..." moaned Zexion.

Demyx smiled. "I know," he said. Axel snickered and gave him a high-five.

As soon as they dug Zexion out of the closet, the group all stood on the treadmill, Demyx pressed the right button this time, and they were lowered down below.

"What is this place?" murmured Axel. The group soon found themselves in an underground secret lab, filled with potions and materia and other scientific shtuff. In the center of the room was the hooded figure, who was pouring the contents of the blue bottles into a large black cauldron.

"Excuse me?" said Demyx.

"AAAHHHH!" The comment caught the mysterious man by surprise so much that he screamed and threw all the bottles up into the air.

When the bottles crashed to the floor, the contents flew up and sprayed Zexion all over with the Misfortune powder. "Aw, jeez," said Zexion, as a large elephant somehow crashed through the ceiling and landed on top of him.

The group soon turned their attention back to the hooded person. "Who are you?" said Roxas.

"I am what's left. Or, maybe I'm all there ever was," said the man.

Roxas groaned. "I meant your name," he said.

"My name is of no importance. What about you? Do you remember—?"

"Mansex?" exclaimed Axel.

"Mmphh-mphh?" said Zexion from underneath the elephant.

"Wha—Hey! I told you never to call me that!" said Xemnas.

Everyone gasped. "It was YOU?" gasped Demyx, appalled and confused at the same time.

Xemnas sighed. "I would think it would be obvious," he said, removing his hood.

"But...why?" stuttered Roxas.

"To teach you kids a lesson!" said a voice. Saix leaped out from beneath the shadows of the far end of the room.

Zexion poked his head out from underneath the elephant's behind. "Saix?" he said, just as a second elephant fell on top of the first one.

Saix came over and stood next to Xemnas. "We know you saw the video," he said very quietly. "So we sought REVENGE." As he said the word, "revenge," thunder clapped in the distance.

"Revenge?" repeated Roxas, more thunder clapping.

"Revenge," said Saix, causing more thunder.

Axel coughed, silencing them. "Well, we can just show the rest of the Organization the video for DOUBLE REVENGE!" he said, thunder clapping and wolves howling in the distance.

"Double revenge?" Roxas repeated, more thunder and howling.

"Double revenge," said Axel, thunder and howling and yeah.

Saix shook his head. "Don't you remember what happened when I walked into the room the day you were watching it?" he asked.

*FLASHBACK TIME*

"Today on the show, we have some unusual guests dancing for us here tonight," said the host of the show. "Please welcome, Xavier and his partner, Sierra!"

The audience went quite, the lights came on, and the dancers came on to the stage.

"Is that…" said Roxas.

"No, it can't be…" gasped Axel.

Demyx was too shocked to shush them.

The male dancer, or "Xavier" as he was called, wore black spandex and a poofy red shirt on top. His silver hair was tied back in a long, flowing ponytail, almost hidden under the large sombrero. As he danced, his golden eyes flashed.

"SEXMAN?" Everyone screamed.

They all watched in horror as their faithful leader leaped across the stage, swiveling his hips and tapping his feet.

"Oh, Oh!" moaned Roxas, clutching his stomach.

Zexion turned around and started violently throwing up behind the couch. All of the color drained from Axel's face, including his purple teardrop tattoos. Demyx was crying softly.

It was too much for Vexen. "I can't take it!" he screamed, jumping out an open window. (Keep in mind, their castle floats in the never ending space.)

As for Xemnas' partner, she wore a skimpy red dress that seemed to be made completely out of beads, and her long blue hair kept them from seeing her face. As she swished her dress around and around, performing perfect lifts, she slowly turned her face towards the camera, revealing the unique scar between two yellow eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they all screamed, realizing who "she" was.

"Why Saix? WHY?" cried Roxas, looking up at the ceiling with agony.

"Why what?" said a familiar voice behind them. Axel quickly whipped out his flaming chakrams and hurled them at the TV, so that nobody would ever have to see it in High Definition EVER AGAIN.

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

Everyone glared at Axel. He laughed nervously. "You know," he said. "This is going to be one of those moments where a couple weeks from now, we will all be laughing about this, right?" He tried laughing harder, but his laughter caught in his throat.

They turned their attention back to Saix and Xemnas. "And just to make sure this is all forgotten..." said Saix. He reached into his pocket, took out some pink powdery stuff, and threw it against the ground.

A huge puff of pink smoke rose, covering everyone and everything. "Gahh!" they cried, covering their eyes.

When they opened them, they were back in The Gym of Non-Commitment. Axel and Demyx looked around. "What just happened?" Axel asked.

Roxas rubbed his head. "Where are we...again? It's weird...I feel like I'm forgetting something really important..."

Zexion felt his stomach. "Ow, why does it feel like an elephant just sat on me?" he asked.

"You were given orders to clean up The Gym of Non-Commitment," said Xemnas. "And you've all done a splendid job."

Roxas' eyes brightened. "Does that mean we get a bonus?" he asked.

"I-I don't pay you!" Xemnas said. Roxas' face fell.

Once Axel, Zexion, Demyx, and Roxas had left, Saix reached into his pocket, pulled out an extra copy of Watch When I'm Dead, and let out a sigh of relief. "Good, now no one will remember what happened.

**I remember...Mwahahahahahahaha...**

Saix looked towards the voice suspiciously, shrugged, and walked away.

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><p><strong>Poor Zexion...and everyone else for that matter...<strong>

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you think this is the end, YOU WOULD BE WRONG! **

**I have tons more in store for specifically you, so stay tuned, and don't forget to R/R!**


	4. Sora The Artist!

**I decided to base this chapter off of an episode of Tsubasa: Resevoir Chronicles. Cheesy at parts, but a good show, none the less!**

**Lettuce begin! (Ba-dum-bum!)**

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><p>It was 2:00 am when Sora stumbled into The Castle That Never Existed, wearing his footy pajamas while carrying a large stuffed bear, which he named Cpt. Adolf Wuggles. <strong>(Yes, the bear RETURNS!)<strong>

Whenever Sora had his usual bad dream, he would come to this castle, run to Roxas, talk with him about it, and then spend the night here. Tonight was one of those nights.

"Roxas?" called Sora softly, so as not to disturb the others in bed. Sora smiled. He could just imagine sitting down in The Kitchen That Never Satisfies, drinking hot chocolate, telling Roxas about his dream.

"Did you have the nightmare again?" Roxas would say.

Sora would nod. "It seems like just an ordinary day in Destiny Islands, but then this horrible author lady starts recording and writing everything I do, and she can see my deepest, darkest secrets and whenever I try to use the keyblade she uses the keyboard and..."

Roxas would shush him softly. "It's all right," he would say. "You want some more cocoa?"

Then Sora would nod, and they would have some more cocoa, just like he said.

Sora sighed with bliss, and hurried down the hallway. He could never tell which room was Roxas', so he kind of had to peek inside everyone's.

"Hello?" he asked. He opened a door, and peeked inside. Larxene lay sound asleep in her bed, curlers in her hair, snoring the roof off.

Sora quietly closed the door and continued down the hallway. He made sure to skip the third door, which was Saix's. The last time he peeked inside, he saw Saix mumbling at a large shrine in the corner of the room. Many small photos of Xemnas (not completely clothed) were surrounding one very large picture in the center. Very disturbing. Yeesh.

Sora opened another door and peeked inside. Zexion lay in his bed, murmuring in his sleep.

"Vexen...never loved me like a father...just an apprentice...damn you..."

Sora was just about to leave, when something on Zexion's desk caught his eye. "Namine's notebook?" he whispered. "What's it doing in here?"

He leaned over, grabbed it off the desk, and scurried to the kitchen. Once he turned on the light, he flipped through its pages. There were countless numbers of drawings, some of herself, some of scenery, and even pictures of Sora and his friends.

"Borrrring," said Sora. He reached up into the cupboard, grabbed some crayons, found a blank page, and started to draw.

"This aughta make it more exciting!" he said, chuckling to himself.

By the time the drawing was done, it was already morning. Sora kissed the paper. "All done!" he cried.

He down the hallway to show Roxas the drawing he had made. "Roxas!" he yelled, his voice echoing off the walls.

No response.

Sora stopped, and called out again. "Roxas, I have something to show you!"

Still no response.

Frightened, Sora opened one of the doors. There was nobody there. He opened the second door. Not a soul.

He even dared open Saix' door, but there was no one.

Just then, Namine entered the front door. "Marly!" she yelled. "I need to 'borrow' your leave-in conditioner again!" When she realized that nobody was saying anything, she stopped walking. "Marly?"

"Namine!" screamed Sora. He ran to her, hugging her all over like she was the last person on Earth. "Namine I was trying to find Roxas because I had that bad dream again about the author lady and my deepest darkest secrets but I entered Zexion's room on accident and found your sketchbook and all the pictures were really boring no offense so I started drawing in it and now there's nobody here and I'M SO LONELY!" He burst into tears.

Namine's eyes went wide. She grabbed Sora by the collar of his pajama shirt and lifted him up off the ground so that they were at eye level. (Yes, Namine is taller than Sora.)

"You...drew...in...my...WHAT?" she said, her voice strangely low and quiet, eyes glaring.

"Your sketchbook," Sora squeaked.

"WHERE...is...it?" she asked.

Sora pointed towards the kitchen. Namine walked to the kitchen, still carrying Sora by his collar. She took her sketchbook, opened it, and flipped to the page Sora had drawn on.

She lowered Sora down to the ground and examined the picture. "Namine?" said Sora.

"...Do you know WHY I draw pictures of things that already exist?" said Namine, looking at Sora.

Sora shrugged. Namine leaned in close. "Because...everything...drawn...in...this...book...comes...TRUE!" she growled, leaning in closer with every word until they were nose to nose.

Sora gulped. "So...that means-?"

"That means that they are inside the drawing AS WE SPEAK!" she hissed.

Sora's eyes went wide this time. "Oh..." he whispered, looking at his drawing. "That's not good."

_Inside the Drawing..._

Roxas opened his eyes from a long nights sleep. "Good morning, bedroo-!" He looked around. This was definitely not his bedroom.

The ground was just dirt and mud, with small patches of grass here and there. Tall, large plants surrounded the area, making it seem almost like a jungle. Against the gray sky rose a large volcano, which Roxas believed was not exactly dormant.

He looked at his fellow Organization members, who were also asleep on the ground. He crawled over to Axel. "Axel?" he whispered.

Axel mumbled something in his sleep. "Oh...Isa...you're such a tease...mmm..."

Roxas kicked him. "Wha-?" Axel sat up straight. He looked at Roxas; Roxas looked back at him.

"AAAAHHHHH!"

"Axel, what happened to your FACE?"

"What happened to YOUR FACE?"

They both ran to a nearby pond and stared at their reflections. Zexion, who had been woken up by the loud AAAAHHHHH! came over to see what was up.

"What is going on here, Axel? I want an explanation—holy father-who-never-loved-me, what happened to your noses?"

Axel started to cry. "We're CHIBIS!" he screamed at the sky.

Roxas leaped around the pool of water. "My head's so much bigger than the rest of my tiny body!" he sang, looked at his reflection.

Zexion shuddered. "It's like puberty all over again," he said.

As the rest of Organization XIII woke up, they too realized that they no longer looked like themselves.

Xemnas started to throw a tantrum. "I demand to know WHERE WE ARE!" he screamed. Saix quickly rushed over and dabbed the Superior's head with a wet cloth.

Back in the real world, Namine put on her painter's apron. "If I can draw a picture of them returning to the castle, then they'll come back," she said, tearing out a piece of the notebook paper.

Sora gave her the cutesy eyes. "What should I do?" he asked sweetly.

Namine rolled her eyes. "Go...talk to them, or something," she said, pointing to Sora's drawing.

Sora sighed, picked up a crayon, and started to write words on the paper.

Demyx looked up at the sky. "Hey, look!" he shouted, pointing. As if by magic, words started to appear in the sky.

_Hey guys, it's me, Sora!_

"Why is the keybearer talking to us?" said Vexen, who basically thought he was above everybody else.

"Hi, Sora!" yelled Roxas, waving at the sky.

_Hi, Roxas! I'm waving my hand in greetings to you!_

"Ugh, what is going on?" yelled Zexion.

_Well, it all started when I broke into the castle looking for Roxas. When I couldn't find him..._(explains the whole story up until this point.)

Axel looked at Zexion strangely. "So, Zexy, why was Namine's notebook in your room, may I ask?" he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

Zexion, pretending not to hear him, started to whistle.

"Dude, what did you draw?" asked Demyx.

_...Namine says I shouldn't tell you._

"Wha—why not?"

_...She says if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all. _

"That can't be good," said Marluxia.

_...She also thinks Zexion looks cute ;D_

_Hey—I never said that!_

_But you were sooooo thinking it!_

Everyone was so caught up in Sora's and Namine's argument that they failed to notice the Tyrannosaurus Rex heading their way.

_Was not!_

_Was too!_

_Was not!_

_Was...ohmygodadinosaurRUUUUNNNNN!_

They all turned to see a GINORMOUS dinosaur towering above them, its red eyes glaring.

They all froze. "If we stand still, it won't be able to pick up our scent," whispered Vexen.

It bent its head down, showing rows and rows of sharp, horrible teeth.

It bent down to sniff them, smelled Marluxia's floral perfume (not cologne), and roared.

"AAAAHHHH!" They made a run for it, dodging and ducking under large plants and rocks.

"You drew a dinosaur?" growled Axel. Sora didn't answer him.

Demyx screamed up at the sky, "Namine, can't you draw any faster?"

_Don't rush an artist!_

"But can you rush an extraordinary young woman?" shouted Zexion.

_...Pardon?_

Zexion looked up at the sky longingly. "Namine, I love you! I always have! And if I can't express my passion now, then I don't know when I will!"

As they were running, everyone stared at him. Xaldin wiped away a tear from his face. Axel nearly threw up in a bush.

_...Oh, Zexion, I never realized. You're so—_

Just then, the dinosaur miraculously caught up to the party, bent down, and grabbed Zexion right off the ground with its teeth.

"NOOOOO!" He screamed as he was carried away to the monster's cave.

_Umm...Zexion? Zexion!_

"Zexion!" they all screamed.

"He owes me 800 munny!" yelled Luxord.

But Zexion and the beast had already disapeared beyond the horizon.

_Zexion..._

Saix rolled his eyes. "Can we leave now?" he asked.

_(sniff)...Oh, yes, of course. Here._

A large door appeared in front of them. Roxas watched in horror as everyone started to leave. "You can't just leave him!" he yelled.

Xemnas didn't even look at him. "We can, and we will. Now, come!"

Roxas summoned his keyblade. "No," he said confidently. "I'm going to go help Zexion. Anyone else who wants to join me is welcome."

As the rest of the Organization left, Axel and Demyx stayed behind. "Let's go save true love!" exclaimed Demyx.

Roxas smiled, his eyes big and adorable. He turned to Axel. Axel sighed. "For the record, I'm only coming because Lexaeus sat on my PSP so now I have nothing to do and—"

Roxas ran over and hugged him before he could finish the thought. Axel couldn't help but smile a little bit. "Yeah, okay," he said.

Roxas let go of Axel, and the three of them looked off towards the monster's cave, which just happened to be inside the volcano.

There was no time to lose.

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><p><strong>*Sniff* *Sniff* That part always gets me right here 3<strong>

**I personally think that Zexion and Namine make a great pair, which is why I decided to put that in there. (P.S. I will also be putting a complete crack pairing in one of my next chapters!)**

**Thank you to all the people who bother to read this story, and I hope you continue to read this story. (And pleeeeaaaasssee review and tell me what you think, that really helps ^.^)**


	5. Rescuing Everyone's Favorite Emo!

**Wow! Thank you Bond Of Flame08, Misunderstood marvex, Rikuobsession, SisterOfScarletDevil, mockingjay-lawliet-paramore, and the people I probably forgot to put on here! Your reviews are greatly much appreciated!**

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><p>"Huffhuffhuff," he gasped. Axel looked upwards towards the top of the volcano. "Only a few hundred miles to go," he mumbled to himself. He yanked one of his chakrams out of the rock below him, and stabbed it into the rock above him.<p>

Using his chakrams, he had already climbed up about 500 miles (it was actually only 500 feet, but since Axel didn't have muscles, it seemed longer). Roxas and Demyx were too slow, and had disappeared a long time ago.

He suddenly heard a loud screeching in the distance. He quickly turned just in time to see a large Pterodactyl swoop into a medium-sized hole in the side of the volcano.

Axel smiled, and climbed his way over to the hole. By the time he finally reached it, he was a sweaty mess. He flopped onto the ground, laughing in hysterics. "Hahaha! Take that, Gym of Non-Commitment! I don't need you...?"

He looked over on the other side of the hole, where Roxas and Demyx were playing Texas Hold em.

Demyx slapped down his cards. "Ha! I get Uno!" he shouted triumphantly.

Roxas facepalmed. "Demy, we're still playing Texas Hold em," he said annoyed.

Now Demyx looked confused. "What's Texas Hold em?"

Axel's jaw dropped. "But...you...I...thought...Texas...what?"

Roxas waved. "Hey Axel, wanna play?" he asked, holding out the deck of playing cards.

Axel practically swallowed his tongue. The only thing he could say was: "Where did you get the playing cards?"

"Someone left them in the elevator," Roxas pointed to an obvious glass elevator carved into the walls of the cave.

Axel was just about to jump out of the cave entrance, when Demyx put his cards down. "Alright," he said. "I think we're ready to go rescue Zexion."

And with that, they headed deeper inside the mysterious cave.

As they walked, they happened to notice cave art scribbled all over the walls and ceiling.

Roxas ran over to one of the illustrations. "Hey Axel, that looks just like you!"

Axel came over and looked at the stick-figure man with spiky hair, chakrams, and teardrop tattoos. "What the...?"

Demyx came over. "Ooohh, someone has a stalker!" he said, poking Axel's face.

Roxas pointed at another illustration. "And this one looks just like Demyx!"

Demyx rushed over to see another stick figure with a mullet and a sitar. "No," he said, spooked. "That's just a coincidence."

But pretty soon, they found all of the Organization members drawn on the walls of the cave, each with their own weapons.

"Well that's not creepy at all," said Axel sarcastically.

Roxas pointed to a bit of graffiti. "What's 'AkuRoku?'" he said.

"HUH?" Axel ran over to see. Someone had drawn a tally chart for anybody who believes in the power of AkuRoku.

He pretended to cough. "That's, uhh..." he looked at Demyx for help. Demyx trying his best not to break out into laughter, but it seemed extremely difficult.

"It's a...popular new Japanese boy band," he said, smiling.

Roxas got all excited. "Really? What song did they do?"

Axel winced. "Song? Umm….Falling….For….You All Over…Again…And Again?"

By this point, Demyx had his face pressed against the cave wall so that nobody could hear him laughing.

Roxas crossed his arms and closed his eyes. "Falling For You All Over Again And Again….nope, I've never heard of it."

Axel sighed with relief. "It just came out," he said.

Roxas smiled. "Would you mind…singing some of it for me?"

Axel's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "WHAT?"

Demyx couldn't take it anymore, and burst out laughing.

Axel looked at him, smiled, and looked at Roxas. "Oh, I would love to. I really would, but…" He smiled even more. "I think Demyx should sing it. After all, it is his all-time favorite song in the entire world!"

Now Demyx's eyes bulged out of his head. "WHAT?"

Axel gave him the _I-really-need-you-to-do-this-right-now-or-else_ kind of look. So Demyx sighed, cleared his throat, and started to sing.

"_Umm, oh, when I first…saw you_

_You were like a…dream,_

_You were always at my side,_

_Kind of…like…my spleen."_

"Louder! Louder!" cried Roxas. Demyx cleared his throat and sang louder.

"_Whenever you…walk down the street,_

_You are such a…heart throb,_

_You make all the others jealous,_

_And you'd…never…need a…boob job?"_

"Axel, clap your hands and sing backup!" yelled Roxas. Axel sighed, but joined in:

"_Falling For You All Over Again and Again (Again and Again),_

_You can follow me back home (Back home), _

_I'll let you borrow my…man-comb (Umm…),_

_Oh, Falling For You All Over Again and Again (Again and Again), _

_You don't have one single flaw (Single flaw),_

_You remind me…of my…grandma (Grandma),_

_You can kiss me once…or twice (Once or twice),_

_I won't…smack you…with a vise (With a vise),_

_You forget to shave your legs like most women, (Women),_

_Falling For You All Over Again and Again (Again and Again)!_

Roxas started clapping his hands. "I LOVE it!" he exclaimed. He picked a sharp rock off of the floor, and used it to carve a tally mark in the table.

Axel and Demyx exchanged glances. _We will never speak of this EVER AGAIN._

As they were leaving, Axel stopped. "You guys keep going; I forgot something!"

Roxas and Demyx shrugged, and kept going. Axel quickly and quietly ran back to the AkuRoku tally table. He smiled, picked up the same sharp rock, and drew a tally mark.

Aw.

At the very end of the cave tunnel was a larger space, where a giant dinosaur nest lay. **(Do Tyrannosaurus Rexes make nests? I have no idea.) **

The three of them peeked their heads around the corner. Since the dinosaur was nowhere to be seen, they ran to the nest and peered inside.

Zexion lay unconscious in the center of the nest, surrounded by a bunch of very large dinosaur eggs.

"Psst, Zexion!" whispered Roxas. Zexion did not move. Roxas looked at the other two. "Do you think…?" Roxas' eyes filled with tears.

Axel didn't answer. He was too afraid to answer. Demyx on the other hand, sighed, picked up a large rock, threw it at his head, and screamed: "Time to get to work, Ienzo!"

The rock thwacked Zexion right in the face. He sat straight up. "DEPRESSING CHILDHOOD PAST!—oh, hey, guys!"

"Zexy!" Roxas jumped through the air, and clobbered Zexion with a big hug.

"Uh, but, aren't hugs highly illogical?" he said.

Roxas just squeezed him harder. Axel and Demyx also entered the nest. "How'ya been, Zexy?" exclaimed Axel. He slapped Zexion on the back, so hard that Zexion tripped, fell back, and sat in one of the giant eggs.

"Ewww," said Roxas. The whole air smelled like rotten eggs.

Just then, they heard a loud roar. Everyone froze as the giant Tyrannosaurus poked its ugly head into the cave-room entrance.

Axel cleared his throat. "Eh, I don't think you should've sat on the eggs, Zexion," he whispered.

Zexion's jaw dropped. "But I didn't—"

ROAR!

"Run, run away!" yelled Demyx. They dashed out of the nest, ran underneath the giant dinosaur, and started heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Hurry up, Zexion!" yelled Demyx, as the ground shook beneath them, the mother dinosaur heading closer and closer.

Zexion was hobbling a few feet behind them. "If you didn't notice, I HAVE AN EGG ON MY BUTT!"

Roxas looked up at the cave ceiling. "Namine, where are you?"

_Right here! What are you guys doing?_

"Running for our lives!" yelled Demyx.

…_.Should I be concerned?_

"I can see the light!" shouted Axel. They ran to the mouth of the cave, and were just about to jump out when they realized that it was a straight drop to the bottom.

"Whoa!" shouted Roxas. They all skidded to a halt, and then looked behind them. Dinosaur. Charging. Not. Good.

Demyx snapped his fingers. "Why didn't we think of it before?" he shouted. With the wave of his hand, he opened up a dark corridor.

"Demyx, you're a genius!" shouted Roxas. Demyx was just about to head inside, when…

_You can't do that! If you go through a dark corridor, who knows where you'll end up?_

Zexion nodded. "Y'know, she's right. Logically speaking—"

"THIS IS NO TIME FOR LOGIC!" screamed Demyx. He shoved Roxas and Axel and Zexion with his egg butt into the dark corridor, then shut it behind them.

…_Well!_

_Out in the Middle of Nowhere…._

When Demyx passed through, all he saw was white. There was no sky; yet no ground. Even if there was, you wouldn't be able to tell where one ended and where the other began.

The others were just as confused as they were. Even though there was no one else around, their black coats still made them feel like they were standing out.

It was also really cold.

Roxas shivered and rubbed his hands together. "Where are we?" he said.

Zexion took a look around. "It seems as if we are in some sort of polar environment, although I don't see any signs, roads, houses, or people.

"We are all alone."

_To be continued…_

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><p><strong>Yay! They rescue Zexion! But oh no, now they are in the middle of nowhere. <strong>

**Morale of the story: LISTEN TO NAMINE!**

**If any of you are wondering where exactly they are, I would say Antarctica, but that's just me.**

**I also hope you liked my song; it took me all but ten minutes to write! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it :D**

**Please R/R!**

**P.S.: I have gotten MULTIPLE requests for everyone's favorite piñata contestant: Riku! Unfortunately, I could not find a place to put him in this chapter, but I will put him in one of the next. It's a pinkie promise ^_^ **


	6. Stuck In The Middle of NOWHERE!

**Yay! More reviews from people I don't know! *Takes a bow* Thank you, thank you!**

**WARING: THIS MAY BE MY MOST RANDOM CHAPTER YET! **

**You have been warned. **

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><p>Zexion looked around. "Well, this is just fantastic!" he said sarcastically. "Not only did we escape in one piece, but now we're stuck, in the middle, of NOWHERE!"<p>

_NOWHERE!_

_Nowhere!_

_Nowhere!_

His voice echoed across the icy landscape. Demyx stuffed his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet around. He cleared his throat. "Well, at least we have each other," he said softly.

Zexion was just about to punch his lights out, but Axel held him back.

"Let's just start walking," he said.

So they walked.

And they walked.

And they walked.

And they walked.

Demyx groaned. "Is there a Little Men's Igloo nearby? 'Cause I gotta go!" he said.

Zexion sighed. "I told you to GO before we LEFT!" he snapped.

Demyx rolled his eyes. "But I didn't have to go THEN!"

So they continued to walk.

And they continued to walk.

And they continued to walk.

And they continued to walk.

And they—"I CAN'T TAKE IT!" shouted Demyx, his legs crossed. He pushed past the others, and ran into a totally non-mysterious cave. (And by totally non-mysterious, I mean VERY mysterious!)

The others ran into the cave. "DEMYX!" shouted Axel. "YOU CAN'T JUST PEE IN EVERY CAVE WE COME ACROSS AND EXPECT TO FIND A BATHROOM!"

From the other side of the cave, they heard Demyx gasp. "THEY HAVE TINY SOAPS IN HERE!" he shouted.

Axel rolled his eyes. Suddenly, they heard footsteps behind them.

"Who's there?" shouted Zexion, afraid. The footsteps stopped. They saw a shadow around the corner of one of the cave walls.

Roxas smiled, summoned his keyblade, crept towards the shadow, and leaped into the air.

"WAAATCHAAAAA!"

"AAAHHHH!"

Plop.

Axel and Zexion rounded the corner to see Roxas sitting on top of someone, a puzzled look on his face. "Riku?" they both said, surprised.

Riku lay underneath Roxas, possibly unconscious. A video camera was in his left hand. Roxas leaned forward and poked Riku in the face.

Slowly, Riku lifted his head, and smiled. "S'up?" he said, grinning. He looked up at Roxas. "Umm…" he said.

"Oh!" cried Roxas, who got up off of him quickly. Riku stood up and brushed himself off; making sure his camera was okay.

"What's up with the video camera?" said Zexion, eyeing the device suspiciously. "And, more importantly, why are you here?"

Riku sighed, and frowned. "Well," he said. "It all started two weeks ago…"

*FLASHBACK TIME*

Riku sat in Maleficent's office, twiddling his thumbs. It was unusual that he was called down to meet with the boss, personally.

Maleficent entered the room, the bright atmosphere suddenly changing dramatically.

"Hello, Malefi—"

"Humph!" she growled, sitting down at her desk. "Sit down, boy," she said harshly.

Riku looked down at the comfy seat in which he was sitting in. "But…I am sitting…"

"Then sit down AGAIN!" she snapped. Riku, confused, stood up, and then sat back down in his chair.

"Good," said Maleficent. "Now, how long have you been working at this company?"

Riku smiled. "Oh, I've been working at Door To Darkness Co. for about two years now," he said.

Maleficent was sifting through his paperwork. "And, how many absences, exactly?" she asked, her words short and clipped and to-the-point.

Riku frowned. "Umm, well gee, I don't—"

Maleficent suddenly leaned in so close that she was crouching on the desk, their noses touching. "SEVEN. HUNDRED. TWENTY. FIVE," she said in a very deep tone.

Riku counted the days on his fingers. "But, that's impossible. Two years makes 730 days altogether…"

Maleficent then walked over to the other side of the room, pulled a screen down from the ceiling, pressed a button on the overhead projector that suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and watched as a small video clip started to play.

*A MONTAGE WITHIN A FLASHBACK TIME!*

"_Hey, Riku!" shouted Sora._

"_Yeah?" said Riku._

"_Why don't you skip work today so that we can build a raft and go exploring?"_

"_Sounds like a plan!"_

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><p>"<em>Hey, Riku!" shouted Sora.<em>

"_Yeah?" said Riku._

"_Why don't you skip work today so that we can go save our world and all the worlds connected?"_

"_Sounds like a plan!"_

"_Hey, Riku!" shouted Sora._

"_Yeah?" said Riku._

"_Why don't you skip work today so that we can explore Castle Oblivion?"_

"_Sounds like a plan!"_

"_Hey, Riku!" shouted Sora._

"_Yeah?" said Riku._

"_Why don't you skip work today so that we can go save the worlds for the second time?"_

"_Sounds like a plan!"_

"_Hey, Riku!" shouted Sora._

"_Yeah?" said Riku._

"_Why don't you skip work today so that we can convince Axel, Roxas, and Terra to dress like women and crash Kairi's slumber party?"_

"_Sounds like a plan!"_

"_Hey, Riku!" shouted Sora._

"_Yeah?" said Riku._

"_Why don't you skip work today just for the heck of it?"_

"_Sounds like a plan!"_

*MONTAGE WITHIN A FLASHBACK ENDS!*

Riku sat in his chair, silent for a few moments. He finally cleared his throat. "Okay, so maybe I've missed…a few days of work…"

"A-a-a few?" cried Maleficent.

Riku put his hands up. "But no more! From now on, I will be fully committed to the company—"

"Riku, you're fired."

"W-wha…?" Riku's eyes went wide. "No, no," he mumbled. "No, no, no, no…" He jumped up and grabbed Maleficent by her dress-cape-thing. "Y-You can't fire me!" he cried. "What about my future family! They'll starve!"

Maleficent shook her head. "My decision is final!" she exclaimed, and started walking towards the door.

Riku was still holding on tight. "Please don't do this to me!" he cried. "I thought we were really starting to bond!" he said.

"Let go of my leg!"

Riku started to cry. "But DTD Co. needs me!" he wailed. "How will you ever find someone to replace me?"

"We already have," said Maleficent. The door flew open, and Pete came running in.

"Mornin' Maleficent!" he shouted. "I'm ready for my first day of workin' with ya!" He ran into Riku's office to start working.

Riku's jaw dropped all the way down to the floor. "But-But he's so..."

Maleficent shook her head. "Quite the contrary. I have very high hopes for..."

"MALEFICENT!" yelled Pete.

Maleficent rolled her eyes. "What is it?" she yelled back.

They heard Pete grunt and groan. "I...uhh...I got my butt stuck in the swivel chair!" he called.

Maleficent sighed, and called maintenance. Riku's jaw dropped even lower. "Th-That was my swivel chair," he murmured.

Maleficent shook him off her leg and reached out her hand. Riku thought it was to help him up, but instead she said: "The key to your office, please."

Riku squeaked, but handed over the key. She held out her hand again. "And the grass skirt," she said.

Riku reluctantly handed over his custom-fitting grass man skirt.

Maleficent extended her hand again. "I will also need the recipe for those little cookies you always used to make," she said.

Riku gasped. "You mean the ones with the Heartless symbols on them?" he asked.

Maleficent nodded. Riku shook his head. "But, that was a recipe from my grandmother..."

Maleficent raised her eyebrows, and held out her hand again. Sighing, Riku grabbed the recipe from his pocket and handed it to her.

Maleficent extended her hand one last time. "Finally, I will also need your weapon," she said.

Riku's heart stopped. "S-Soul Eater?" he said.

Maleficent nodded. Riku stood up. "No!" he said defiantly. "You can take away my office key, and you can take away my man-skirt, and you may be able to take my grandmother's cookie recipe, but you CANNOT, and I mean you CANNOT, take Soul Eater!"

Maleficent snapped her fingers, and two muscley guys appeared behind him. Riku sighed, summoned Soul Eater, and was just about to hand it over when he suddenly looked out the window.

"Hey, I can see Kingdom Hearts from here!" he exclaimed. Just as Maleficent and the guards looked towards the window, Riku bolted from the room, still carrying Soul Eater.

"Get him!" shouted Maleficent. The guards ran after him, calling reinforcements on the way.

Riku jumped down 50 flights of stairs, ran into the front lobby, ducked and dodged everyone in front of him, and grabbed the muffin basket off of the front desk.

"HE'S GOT THE MUFFIN BASKET!" they screamed. Riku looked out the front door, which was only a few feet ahead of him. As he squinted, he saw that a crowd of fangirls had been formed right outside the door.

"Carol!" one of the girls shouted. "He's coming this way!"

The leader of the mob, Carol, laughed wickedly. "Perfect!" she shouted, cackling towards the sky.

Riku looked in front of him, and then looked behind him. Weighing the possibilities, he decided to take his chances. He pushed through the front door, and jumped into the mob, where the guards were unable to reach him.

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

Riku put his hand to the large bruises on his legs and arms and side, and smiled with relief. "So, with dignity and pride, I left my job as head manager of DTD Co., and decided to earn cash by filming a documentary on my exciting new life."

Roxas kicked Axel, who had fallen asleep. Axel snapped awake. "Uhh, lovely story," he said.

Zexion nodded his head sleepily. "Yes, quite intriguing, indeed."

Demyx walked over, a disgusted look on his face. "Those weren't tiny soaps," he said, shuddering.

Roxas was confused. "Then what were they...?"

"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" Demyx screamed. The whole group (including Riku!) shrugged, and continued to walk through.

Axel looked at the cave walls around him, which were entirely made of ice. He sighed with relief. "No drawings in here, at least," he said. Demyx smirked.

Soon, they passed by a group of walrus' lying in the corner. Demyx couldn't help but wave.

One of the walrus' made a low moaning sound. "AAAARRRAAARRRR!"

Demyx stopped and looked at the walrus that "spoke." "Hey, guys!" he called.

The rest of the group stopped and turned around. "Demyx, stop dawdling! We don't have all day!" shouted Zexion.

Demyx pouted. "But she's hungry!" he yelled back.

Riku and Roxas and Axel and Zexion looked at each other. How he understood walrus, or how he knew the difference between walrus genders, they would never understand.

Axel rolled his eyes. "C'mon, man!" he shouted. The group slowly started to walk away.

Demyx, however, stayed behind a little longer. "It's a good thing I always carry this in my pocket," he whispered. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a container of sardines, and threw them to the female walrus.

She barked with happiness. "AARAAAR!"

Demyx couldn't help but smile, but then he caught up with the rest of the group.

As they continued to walk, Riku saw something in the cave wall. "Whoa," he whispered.

The others gathered around to see what was so fascinating. Frozen in the cave wall, was a silhouette of what appeared to be a man.

"Who is that?" said Axel.

Roxas whipped out his keyblade. "We've got to help him!" he shouted. He started to chip away at the ice with his weapon.

Zexion winced. "You know, I don't think this is a very good idea..."

But Riku had already started to help. Pretty soon, a large block of ice had been removed from the wall.

Roxas cocked his head. "How are we supposed to get him out?" he said.

Demyx pushed everyone back. "Allow me," he said. He took out his sitar, strummed a few chords, and the ice slowly started to melt into water.

The group gasped as a caveman, probably frozen in the ice from a thousand years ago, emerged.

The caveman opened his eyes, and looked at them. Roxas leaned down towards him. "HELLO!" he said slowly, emphasizing each syllable.

"Hmm," went the caveman.

Roxas crouched down next to him. "WE ARE HERE TO RESCUE YOU! WHERE IS YOUR FAMILY?"

"Hmm," went the caveman.

"I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR ANCIENT LANGUAGE! WE ARE FROM THE FUTURE! YOU KNOW, INDOOR PLUMBING AND ELECTRICITY!

"Hmm," went the caveman.

Roxas stood up and sighed. "He doesn't seem to understand me," he said sadly.

Axel, seeing how sad this was making Roxas, stood tall and puffed out his chest. "He's probably just cold," he said. He waved his hands around a few times, and created a small flame in his hands. As he brought the flame closer to him, the caveman started to freak out.

"NGAAHHH! NGAAHHH!" he screamed. He knocked the flame out of Axel's hand, and jumped on top of him.

"ZEXION DO SOMETHING!" screamed Axel. The caveman started to strangle him until Axel's face turned purple.

Zexion quickly grabbed the Lexicon, and threw it at the caveman. This made him so angry that he jumped off of Axel, pounded its fists into its chest, and howled. "NGAAAHHOO!"

"Run!" shouted Zexion. The group quickly fled from the cave, and ran out into the open arctic, the caveman chasing after them.

The sky appeared up ahead. "Hey guys!" shouted Demyx. "I see blue! We're gonna...OhmyGodacliff!"

The group skidded to a halt as they appeared at the edge of a large cliff. Zexion looked behind them. The mad caveman was getting closer and closer, a large club in his hand.

Roxas hugged them all together. "Well, this is it!" he shouted. They all held on to each other, and waited.

"NGAAHHH! NGAH—"

"AAAARRROOOO!"

SLAM!

Silence.

Demyx opened his eyes and saw the caveman being beat up by none other than the female walrus he had seen earlier.

The rest of the group opened their eyes as well. "What the...?" Zexion, knowing that this defied all laws of nature, was baffled.

The female walrus smashed into the caveman, lifted him up into the air, slammed him back down to the hard icy ground with her tusks, and sat on him with her large body mass.

When the walrus noticed that the group was watching, she slowly got off of the caveman, who ran away yelling and howling.

Riku smiled. "I like this group!" he exclaimed. "I mean, a little drama here and there makes a great story. The public audience just eats this kind of stuff!"

Everyone couldn't help but stare at him. Everyone, that is, except Demyx.

"Uhh, Demyx?" said Axel. Roxas shushed him, and pointed.

Demyx was staring at the female walrus who had rescued them, and she was staring back at him.

* * *

><p><strong>For best effect, look up: <strong>'tchaikovsky romeo and juliet love theme**' on youtube, and click on the fourth result that comes up.  
>Play while reading this part of the story! :D)<strong>

* * *

><p>They started running towards each other in slow motion, kicking up flowers as they went. The sky turned blue, birds started to sing, and the sun started to shine down on them as they got closer and closer to each other.<p>

Zexion and Axel looked up and around them in confusion. "Umm," started Zexion. Roxas, with tears in his eyes and a handkerchief in one hand, shushed him.

Axel turned around and saw Riku filming the entire thing.

Demyx looked deep into her eyes. "Thank you," he whispered. He put his hand in her flipper, and she started to blush.

Axel couldn't take it anymore. "Ahem!" he cleared his throat really loud. The two quickly broke apart.

Just then, words started to appear in the sky.

_Axel, Demyx, Roxas, can you hear me? It's me; Namine!_

Roxas looked up. "Namine!" he shouted. "We're here!"

_Oh, thank goodness! Is Zexion with you?_

Zexion looked up. "Hi, Namine," he said softly.

_It's a good thing you're okay. I missed you...a lot. _

Zexion started to get all choked up. He swallowed. "I missed you too," he said, smiling.

Awkward silence.

"So, uhh, do you have a door ready for us?" asked Zexion.

_What? Oh, right! Here:_

A door magically appeared in front of them. Roxas ran through quickly, in hopes that there would be something to eat on the other side.

Demyx looked at the female walrus longingly. "I have to go," he said softly.

"ARARR?" said the female walrus.

Demyx nodded. "It's my friends. They need me...and I need them too."

She put her flipper on his shoulder, and seemed to nod her head. "AARR," she said.

Demyx squeezed her flipper one last time, then left through the door. Axel and Zexion were just about to walk through, when they noticed that Riku was still standing there.

He slouched his shoulders. "I guess...I guess you guys don't want me around anymore," he said sadly. "I'll just go."

And with that, Riku started to leave. Zexion stopped him. "Wait!" he shouted. Riku turned and looked at him, his eyes all big and watery.

Zexion sighed. "If you really need...a place to stay, I'm sure Xemnas wouldn't mind—"

"REALLY!" shouted Riku. "You'll let me join your Organization?"

Zexion's eyes went wide. He held up his hands. "Now, wait a second! I didn't say—"

"AWESOME!" Riku screamed. He ripped off his ordinary clothes to reveal his fake Organization cloak underneath it.

"Why are you wearing...?" Zexion started to say.

Riku reached into his pocket, pulled out a blindfold, and wrapped it across his eyes. "Number XIV, away!" He was about to run through the door when he missed and smashed into the door frame.

"Ow..." he mumbled. He rubbed his head, and then ran inside on his second try.

Axel looked at Zexion, smiled, and shook his head. "What?" said Zexion.

"Look who's grown a heart," Axel teased.

Zexion rolled his eyes and pretended that his comments did not offend him. "Your taunts are highly unreasonable," he said, his nose in the air.

"Yeah, sure," said Axel sarcastically. And so, they went through the door together, shoving each other playfully as they went through.

**All's well that ends well, as some random person usually says! (But it's still not over yet!)**

* * *

><p><strong>Let's just hope that Riku isn't too heartbroken when he finds out he's not really in Organization XIII :(<strong>

**The tiny soaps...you can use your imagination to think of what they really were.**

**Demyx falling for a walrus? What the what? (WARNING: IF YOU HAVE THIS STRANGE FEELING IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH THAT TELLS YOU THAT THIS MOST LIKELY WILL NOT BE THE LAST TIME SHE APPEARS IN THE STORY, THAN YOUR STOMACH DESERVES A BROWNIE!) ;)**

**Remember to R/R!**


	7. Pillows, Hospitals, and Proposals!

**Thank you reviewing audience! You make me sooo happy :)**

* * *

><p>Roxas peaked his head into the Kitchen That Never Satisfies. There was no one there. He looked inside the Gym of Non-commitment. Nobody there either.<p>

Frankly, he searched every room in the entire house, but everyone was off doing something else. Roxas chuckled with short, blond, evil glee. He tiptoed into the TV Room That Doesn't Entertain, sat down quietly on the couch, took a large brown paper bag out of his coat pocket, and looked inside.

There, wrapped in protective napkins, was the largest, juiciest, most tender burger in the history of all large juicy tender burgers.

He picked it up, unwrapped it, and examined it from all sides. Between two hot steaming buns lay a hamburger patty grilled to perfection, fresh crisp lettuce, ripe tomatoes, onions that made you cry with bliss, real melted cheese, tangy crunchy pickles, all smothered with ketchup and mustard.

It was scrumptious. It was delicious. It was perfect. It was about the size of his face.

Roxas opened his mouth as wide as he could, brought it to his mouth, and was just about to sink his teeth into it when…

"NUMER XIII!"

Surprised, Roxas flung his perfect sandwich out the window, probably knocking out some poor pigeon in the process.

Saix burst into the room, wearing a silky floral bathrobe which was obviously for women, considering his pale, hairy thighs were not supposed to show.

"YOU did this to me!" he screeched, pointing to his hair.

Roxas looked at Saix's hair, and snickered. His hair, usually an icy blue, was now light blondish reddish. "What up with your hair?" he asked.

"Err," Saix grabbed the brown paper bag from before, and put it on his head. He turned his attention back to Roxas. "Where did you put it?" he cried.

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Put what?" he said.

Saix narrowed his eyes and shook his finger. "Don't play dumb with me," said the man wearing a lady's bathrobe and a brown paper bag on his head. "Where are you hiding my Berry-Wonderful Blue Hair Dye?"

Roxas crossed his arms. "What makes you think I—"

"Hey, guys!"

Roxas and Saix turned. Riku came walking out of the bathroom, carrying a scrub brush and a rubber duck, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist, and a blindfold across his eyes. His hair, which used to be silver, was now a frosty blue color. "I'm Saix!" he said, turning around in circles so the audience could get a better view.

He turned, and walked through a random door behind him.

"AAHHHHIIII!"

"Sorry, Larxene!"

Riku quickly ran out of the room, shut the door behind him, smiled nervously, and then walked to his own room.

Saix went silent for a moment, processing what he just saw, and then turned back to Roxas. His face had gone from a bright red, to a deep purple. He opened his mouth as if to say something, closed it, and was about to smash his face in, when an announcement came on.

"ATTENTION! THERE IS TO BE A MEETING TODAY AT 2:00! THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING YOU MUST ATTEND!"

Silence.

"…CONSIDERING IT IS ALREADY 2:05, YOU ARE ALREADY LATE AS IT IS, SO DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE!"

Silence.

"….SO…UHH, WELL, I HADN'T REALLY PLANNED ON GETTING THIS FAR WITHOUT SOME SORT OF INTERRUPTION, SO….EH, WHATEVER."

Saix shook his head, and turned back to where Roxas was sitting, except Roxas had already left.

As Roxas ran towards The Meeting Room Where Nobody Reaches A Verdict, Marluxia stopped him in the hallway. "Hey," he said. "Have you seen my bathrobe?"

* * *

><p>Roxas sat down in the Meeting Room Where Nobody Reaches A Verdict, and looked around. Everyone else had already taken their really high throne-seat things.<p>

"Thanks for coming everyone," said Xemnas, "…not…" Thankfully, nobody else heard him say that part under his breath.

"Today on the agenda…"

"WAIT!"

"Huh?" Xemnas went silent. Everyone looked around to see where the source of the voice was coming from. Somehow, everyone had failed to notice the giant stack of pillows on the right side of Xemnas' throne.

*Huff* *Huff* "Hang on a sec!" Riku groaned and huffed as he climbed up the large teetering stack of pillows, and sat on the one on top. "Ready!" he exclaimed, now at the same height as everybody else.

Xemnas shook his head, took a deep breath, and continued. "As I was saying, I've noticed over the years that…why is there a paper bag on your head?"

Saix, who sat on Xemnas' left, shifted around in his seat uncomfortably. He had remembered to change out of his (Marluxia's) bathrobe, but he had failed to remember to remove the brown paper bag from his head.

"Oh," said Saix. He reached up, grabbed the bag, and tried pulling it off, when a handful of French fries spilled out of the bag and fell onto his head. "Eww," he murmured as his hair became all greasy and gross.

"Allow me," said Xemnas. He summoned one of his Ethereal Blades, and swiped it across the top of Saix's head, scooping up all the French fries, but also leaving a large bald spot on the top of his head.

"Eeeee!" Saix grabbed his hood, and yanked it over his head.

Xemnas looked at the hairs left on his blade. "Sai-Sai, you never told me you were a natural redhead," said Xemnas, his eyebrows raised in interest.

"…It's strawberry blond," whimpered Saix, who was rocking back and forth in this chair.

Xemnas ate one of the French fries, and then continued. "Continuing, I believe it is of great importance that we band together, united we stand…."

A few hours later, Xemnas was still rambling, and everyone was still not listening. Xigbar was picking his teeth with his Arrowguns; Xaldin was texting Lexaeus; Lexaeus was texting Xaldin; Zexion was rereading Moogles: English Dictionary; Luxord was playing Solitaire; Marluxia was staring everybody down, still trying to think of who could've stole his bathrobe; Larxene was sharpening her Knives with a pink nail file; Saix was staring at his hair dilemma in a small hand mirror; Vexen was listening to "Party Rock Anthem" on his iPod; Axel had fallen asleep with a newspaper over his face; and Roxas was playing Crisis Core on his PSP.

"In conclusion, by filling gigantic gourds with water, I think we can make this work to our advantage. Are you up to the task, Demyx?"

"…"

"Uhh, Demyx?"

"….."

"WHERE IS HE?"

"Huh?" Axel sat up straight, looking around confused.

Roxas, Lexaeus and Xaldin stopped clicking their electronic devices.

Xigbar nearly stabbed his gums.

Marluxia screamed like a little girl in fright.

Larxene, startled by Marluxia, flung out her Knives in a random direction, stabbing Luxord in the arm.

Luxord then dropped his cards.

Saix's mirror broke (but it probably wasn't because Xemnas shouted…).

Zexion was too depressed to show any signs of emotion.

"EVERY DAY I'M SHUFFLING!" Vexen belted out loud.

Everyone stared at Vexen.

The pillow mountain that Riku was sitting on started to wobble.

"GAWD HELP ME!" screamed Riku as the pillow tower started to fall forwards.

Riku grabbed onto Xemnas for support.

"Get off me!" Xemnas shouted.

"YOU'RE COMING DOWN WITH ME!" screamed Riku.

Riku dragged Xemnas out of his chair as the tower completely collapsed.

"AAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhh…..!"

Silence.

Silence.

Zexion looked down below. "You think he's…"

CRASH!

Zexion shook his head. "Never mind," he said.

Xigbar leaned forward. "Shout if you can hear me!" he shouted down below.

"…I CAN HEAR YOU!" shouted Riku. "I FEEL SO LUCKY! I WOULD HAVE DIED IF I HADN'T LANDED ON MANSEX!"

They heard a low groan from down below. "…I told you…never to call…me that…" moaned Xemnas.

Silence.

"UH, GUYS?" shouted Riku. "HE'S NOT MOVING! SHOULD I BE CONCERNED?"

Everyone facepalmed, except for Saix, who was biting his fingernails in worry.

_In the Infirmary of Complete Unstableness (Get it? In__**FIRM**__iry of __**UNSTABLE**__ness?)_

The whole Organization gathered around Xemnas' hospital bed while Saix talked with the doctor in another room.

Axel patted Xemnas' bandaged face, "We're here for you, pal," he said, manly.

Xemnas moaned. "Get…your hand…off…my…face…" came a muffled voice. Axel quickly peeled his hand away.

Roxas sighed. "Well, at least he deserves to watch some TV!" he exclaimed. He reached over, grabbed what he thought was the TV remote, walked over to the TV, and started pressing some buttons.

"I bet this one turns the power on," said Roxas. He pressed down the blue button on the remote, making Xemnas' bed started to vibrate.

"Umm, Roxas…?" started Zexion.

"Hang on," said Roxas. He clicked the small red button. The head rest on Xemnas' bed folded upwards, making him sit upright.

"Maybe it's this one," murmured Roxas. He pressed a large green button. The head rest came back down.

"Roxas, that's not the TV remote, that's the…"

"Don't rush me!" said Roxas. "I know what I'm doing!" He pressed another button. The whole bed started to rise up towards the ceiling.

"C'mon!" cried Roxas. He started slamming down on random buttons, making the bed rise up, down, vibrate, do the wave, and spin at a 360 angle.

"Roxas, stop!"

"Gaaahhhh!" Roxas started hitting the back of the remote with the palm of his hand. The hospital bed folded completely in half, suffocating the patient inside.

"Mmfff! Mmfff! "Mmfff!" cried Xemnas.

"ROXAS!" everyone screamed.

Roxas stopped hitting the remote, and turned around. Xemnas was clutching his head with dizziness, and everyone else was looking at him funny. "What?" he said.

Before anybody could say anything else, Saix came in with a black veil over his face. The doctor followed close behind him.

Marluxia ran to the doctor. "What's happening, Doctor Eraqus? Is he going to be alright?" he said.

Doctor Eraqus took out his clipboard, flipped to a certain sheet of paper, took off his glasses dramatically, and sighed. "I'm sorry," he said. "His internal bleeding is…pretty bad. There's nothing more we can do but be with him for his last minutes."

Marluxia gasped, and covered his mouth with his hand, so that nobody would notice that he was about to cry. (Sadness, or happiness?)

Everyone else turned to Riku. "YOU FEIND!" screamed Saix. He ripped off his veil, grabbed Riku by the neck, and started throttling him on the ground. "HE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOUUU!"

"Dead? Hahahaha!" Doctor Eraqus laughed, and flipped his sleek, black hair. "He's not dead! We're just relocating him to a better hospital in Hallow Bastion!"

Saix stopped strangling Riku. "Oh," he said softly, releasing Riku from his grip. Riku instinctively scooted away, his face turning back to its normal color.

…As the nurses wheeled Xemnas away to the better hospital, Zexion sighed. "Well, now what?" he said.

Saix adjusted his veil. "Now that Xemnas is bedridden, it is my duty to fill his place while he is gone," he said, he head high in the air.

Xigbar's jaw dropped. "Not meaning to pull a Vexen or anything—"

"Hey!" cried Vexen.

Xigbar continued. "But you're only Number VII! Shouldn't I be the one filling in for The Head Honcho while he's off getting' fixed?"

Saix shook his head and looked up at the sky. "Don't you remember what happened last time you substituted for the Superior?"

Everyone looked up at the sky, which, as you all can predict, started to blur.

*FLASHBACK TIME*

Xigbar lay strapped down on a large spinning wheel, butt-naked, struggling to free himself. "Guys, guys!" he shouted nervously. "I see no need for everything to end in violence!"

"Relax, Xiggy," said Demyx, tying a blindfold across his eyes. "We're just having fun."

Everyone else put on blindfolds as well, and started to shoot at him with his own Arrowguns. The walls were also covered with graffiti, and furniture was overturned everywhere.

Axel lifted up his blindfold for a moment and turned to Demyx. "Hey, do you feel like we forgot something?" he said.

Demyx shook his head. "No way man," he said calmly. "If it was really that important, we would have remembered by now."

Saix was tied to a chair in the closet, an apple in his mouth. He spat out the apple. "Members of Organization XIII!" he shouted. "I DEMAND that you untie me THIS INSTANT!"

Nobody came.

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

Xigbar scratched his head, and nodded. "Message received, dude," he said.

Roxas' eyes went wide. "Speaking of which, where is Demyx?" he said. Everyone looked around. "I don't think he was at the meeting."

Saix gave Axel the I-think-you-know-what-to-do kind of look. Axel rolled his eyes. "Why do I always get stuck with the icky jobs?" he said, opening a dark corridor to the bedchamber part of the castle.

Roxas ran through without Axel even having to ask. Axel was just about to walk through, when he sighed, grabbed Zexion by the arm, and dragged him through as well.

"I have a bad feeling about this," Zexion said negatively.

* * *

><p>The odd trio appeared right outside of Demyx's room. Axel pounded on the door. "Demyx, you in there?" he shouted.<p>

There was no response.

Axel shrugged, and opened the door.

And you should have seen his face.

Demyx was sitting at a small mahogany dining table-for-two in the middle of his room, wearing a fancy tuxedo, a rose in his chest pocket. At the other end of the table sat the female walrus from before, lipstick smeared across her fat, whiskery lips.

On the table were a bouquet of flowers, and an expensive bottle of champagne. Soft jazz music played in the background.

Axel stared at them, his mouth gaping. "D-Demyx?" he stuttered.

Demyx looked up, and smiled. "Oh, hello Axel," he said calmly. "Can I help you with something?"

"But…I…you…what?" Axel was speechless. Roxas and Zexion peeked in as well.

"Aw-kward!" sang Roxas, who was suddenly very happy that he got to tag along.

Zexion walked over to the music player in the far corner of the room. "Is this…Michael Buble?" he said.

Demyx nodded. "He can make any occasion a romantic occasion," he said. Zexion looked around the room. It was true: the room with underwear lying around, rotting food, an unmade bed, and guitar sheet music on the floor was somewhat…warmer, somehow.

He picked up the wine bottle. "Expensive red wine?" he said, examining it. "1978."

"A good year," said Demyx. He took the she-walrus by her flipper. "A very good year."

Axel's face finally unfroze. "WE NEED TO TALK!" he yelled a bit too loudly, his voice cracking. He opened the door, and pushed Demyx, Zexion, and Roxas out into the hallway.

Demyx turned to look at his somewhat lady friend. "This will only take a second…"

"LIFE DOESN'T TAKE SECONDS!" Axel yelled, pushing him harder. He slammed the door behind them, and turned to Demyx. He opened his mouth, closed it, shook his head, and started to pace in a circle, mumbling to himself.

Demyx was confused. "Uh, Axel…"

"Ashushshushshush…" he mumbled, pacing even faster.

Demyx turned to Zexion and Roxas. "What's the matter with you guys?" he asked, completely clueless.

Zexion's sarcasm kicked in again. "Gee, you know, it's kind of disappointing that you missed the meeting today, you know, because you're DATING A WALRUS!" he screamed, his face red with energy.

Demyx put his hand to his mouth, and gasped. "You know, you oughta be a little nicer to Deandra, after she saved your life and all," he said.

Now Zexion wasn't saying anything. "Zexion?" said Demyx.

"…You named her…Deandra?" he said slowly, not sure he heard right.

Demyx shook his head. "Dude, who would name a walrus?" he said.

Zexion sighed with relief.

"She told me what her name was," he said simply.

"Nggaahuh?" Zexion was starting to break down like Axel. He didn't even want to know how she told him her name. He didn't want to be involved in the first place.

Roxas finally spoke up. "So, are you guys getting serious or anything?" he said, smiling and raising his eyebrows.

Demyx smiled. "Well…"

Axel's spun around, his hair crazier than usual. "Don't answer that question!" he said, pointing at Demyx. "The world doesn't need to know!"

Demyx shrugged and ignored him. "Well, we've actually started to get pretty serious lately, if you know what I mean," he said, smiling mischievously.

Zexion's eye twitched like mad. "THAT SENTENCE ALONE CRACKS ALL LAWS OF NATURE!" he cried. He slowly knelt down to the floor, hugging onto Demyx's coat while crying softly.

Demyx shook his head. "You guys just don't get it," he said. "Deandra…she understands me. We have the same interests, the same hobbies. I mean, sure, she's a few years older than me, but she says she'll wait. And then…then we can go see the worlds, together!"

Zexion squeaked, and started crying even harder. Axel had stopped pacing and mumbling, and was now just standing there, his mouth wide open, not noticing a fly flying in and out.

"I know it's crazy, I know we've just met," he said. "But, when you're in love…you just know!" He turned to Roxas. "To know that my friends support me as well…well, that would just make me the happiest clam in the entire sea!"

Roxas smiled. "I support you, man," he said. He turned to Axel and Zexion. "What about you guys?" he said, his eyes hopeful.

Zexion got up, and dusted himself off. "Even though this goes against ALL my knowledge, fine! I support you and…Deandra."

Demyx's face glowed. He turned to Axel. Axel closed his mouth, closed his eyes, and looked up towards Heaven. "I cannot belieeeeeve this is happening to me," he said.

Demyx hopped up and down with joy. "You guys make me so happy!" he shouted. He gathered them all in a giant group hug. "But…there's just one more thing I need you guys to do for me," he said, smiling.

Zexion and Axel looked at each other. They both had the worst feeling in their stomachs.

* * *

><p>"Attention! Attention everyone!" shouted Demyx, tapping his fork against his glass. In the Dining Hall Where People Make Their Own Darn Meals Because They Can't Afford A Butler, everyone (except Riku, who had been temporarily locked up in The Dungeon That's Really A Guest Bedroom) was eating diner, while listening to Demyx's announcement.<p>

Demyx cleared his throat. "I would like Roxas, Axel, and Zexion to rise, please, while I make this announcement."

Roxas shot up out of his chair. Axel and Zexion slowly rose, unsure of what was going on.

Demyx stood back, and beckoned Deandra to come forward. The rest of the group shifted around uncomfortably, not only because there was a walrus sitting at the table, but because Axel was giving them the signal to run.

Demyx glared at Axel, and then continued. "As you all know, Deandra and I have been going out for quite some time now," he said, a little too patiently.

Everyone else looked at each other. Lexaeus raised his hand, and spoke. "Umm, we didn't know," he said matter-of-factly. They all nodded their heads in agreement.

Demyx rolled his eyes. "Well, now you know," he said. "But I want you to all be here, to witness this moment."

He turned to Deandra, and took her in his arms, or at least as far as his arms could reach around her body. "Deandra, darling," he said. He suddenly knelt down on the floor, and pulled a sea-shell out of his pocket.

He opened it up, to reveal a beautiful pearl. "Will you marry me?" he asked, pouring out his heart and soul.

…

Everyone froze.

Food literally fell out of people's mouths.

It was filled with the most awkward silence in the history of all awkward silences.

…It was fantastic. XD

Deandra's black eyes filled up with tears. "ARRARR!" she cried, clapping her flippers, consuming Demyx in her large embrace.

Marluxia and Roxas cheered and clapped. Everyone else, except for Axel and Zexion and Saix, followed suit.

Saix's mouth opened in protest, but before he could say anything, Demyx shouted, "Oh, I almost forgot! This would never have happened if Axel, Roxas, and Zexion hadn't given me their blessings! Thank you, guys!"

Saix turned his attention towards Axel and Zexion. They would have tried to sneak away, but his glare was too powerful for them, and their butts remained in their chairs.

That night, the three of them joined Riku in The Dungeon That's Really A Guest Bedroom.

*IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE DOWN BELOW!*

* * *

><p><strong>*THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS VERY IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE!*<strong>

**Do you have a preference as to who Demyx's best man will be? Would you like your suggestion to end up IN THIS STORY? Well, you're in luck!**

**I have set up a poll on my profile page, so that YOU, the public audience, can VOTE on whom Demyx's best man will be. (You can only choose one out of the many selections I provide, unless of course, you have a different idea, and would like to send me a PM!)**

**Vote now! …And remember to R/R as well!**


	8. The Wedding, Part 1

**I AM SOOOOO SOOORRRYYY I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A REAAALLLY LOOONG TIME!**

**I BEG FOREGIVENESS! D: …ahem….so, moving forward…**

**Btw, Rikuobsession, "My mother ate my turtle!" is from iCarly! It's blindfold time! :D**

**Anyways, the poll has been closed, the votes are in, and the best man is...**

* * *

><p>It was the day of the wedding.<p>

Everyone was running around like crazy, trying to get all the preparations finished. "I want that chair on the left wall, and I want all the tablecloths pressed to perfection!" barked Marluxia.

Vexen leaned into Xigbar. "Who died and made him the wedding planner?"

Marluxia spun around. "Do my ears deceive me?" he spat. "Do I hear some gossip being spread? Hm? Hm!"

Vexen quickly shook his head. "Uhh, no ma'am—I mean, sir! No, sir!"

Marluxia pursed her—I mean _his_ pink lips together, and nodded. "That's what I thought," he said crisply. He turned suddenly and began barking again. "Roses! We need lots of roses!"

Zexion, who had been hiding in a corner, let out a small breath of relief, stepped out, and was just about to walk away when Marluxia spotted him. "You there!" he shouted.

Zexion froze in his tracks, and winced. "Whatever can I do for you?" he mumbled sarcastically.

Marluxia pointed his finger at him. "Have all the guests arrived?"

Zexion gulped. "Umm, guests?" he said, unsure of what he meant.

Marluxia rolled his eyes. "Yes, the guests! Remember, I was telling you yesterday that you were in charge of all the guests!"

Zexion thought back for a moment, trying to remember when Marluxia could possibly have said that.

*FLASHBACK TIME*

"Larxene, I want you in charge of all of the bridesmaids!" shouted Marluxia into a large megaphone.

Larxene flashed out her Knives, but nodded.

"Xigbar, I want you in charge of decorations!"

Xigbar groaned. "Why do I always get stuck with the GIRL jobs?"

"You may trade with Larxene."

"…I'll pass."

"Very good. Luxord, I want you in charge of the beverages!"

"Rum!" shouted Luxord.

Marluxia sighed. "The groom has requested something a little less….alcohol-related, and is having a craving for _mango smoothies_. Can you do that?"

Luxord squinted hard, and tried to say it. "M-Ma-Ma-Margarita!" he belted.

"Close enough," said Marluxia, checking it off the list. "Zexion!"

Zexion was sitting on the couch, watching his favorite soap, _Killing Heights_.

"_Maybe….waiting isn't good enough…"_

"_My thoughts exactly! If you have a dream, don't wait, act! One of life's little rules. Got it memorized?"_

"_Who are you?_

"I want you in charge of all the guests!" shouted Marluxia.

"_Ashton. I happen to be an acquaintance of Sampson's. Why don't we go see him?"_

"_Sampson?"_

"This is an extremely important job, so make sure that you get it done! Are you even listening to me? Zexion?"

"_You and I have something in common, Karma—"_

"ZEXION?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard you!" mumbled Zexion, not wanting to miss a moment of the new episode.

*FLASHBACK ENDS*

"ZEXION?"

"Huh?" Zexion snapped out of his flashback.

Marluxia groaned. "Do you have the guests, or not?" he said, waving the guest list in front of his face.

Zexion took the list from his hand. "Pfft, yeah, of course I have all the guests!" Zexion said dismissively. "I was just about to go get them, in fact!" Zexion started to walk away.

"Good!" called Marluxia. "And make sure to bring some help! AND WHERE ARE MY ROSES?"

Zexion, who had interpreted the word "help" as the word "Axel," went off to go find the redhead.

Zexion found Axel twenty minutes later, sobbing on the couch in The TV Room That Doesn't Entertain. "Axel!" he called. "C'mon! I need you to…wha...?"

Axel sat on the couch, his legs curled up underneath him, and a box of tissues beside him while he looked through a large scrapbook.

"Oh, no," mumbled Zexion, rolling his eyes. "Not the scrapbook…"

Axel blew his nose, flipped to the next page, and pointed at a particular photo of him and Demyx. "This is a picture of us at an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet in Radiant Garden," he said, letting out a small sob.

He flipped to the next page. "A-And this is us at one of those exclusive nightclubs in Destiny Islands!" he said, crying a little bit harder.

"Umm, Axel…"

"WHERE DID MY LITTLE PERVERT GO?" Axel burst into a pool of pathetic tears. He slumped over the scrapbook, not bothering to grab a tissue for his flowing tears and snot.

Zexion shuffled over and placed his hand on Axel's shoulder uncomfortably. Axel seemed to cry harder. "Hey, it's okay," he said, in a somewhat reassuring voice.

Axel, his face still planted in the scrapbook, choked. "No it's not!" he groaned. He erupted in a fresh new set of tears.

Zexion cleared his throat. "Umm, if it makes you feel any better, you can come with me on another adventure," he said.

Axel stopped crying for a moment. "Really?" he asked, not lifting his head.

Zexion nodded. "Yup. Nothing to tie us down, except manly things, you know, like…sports, and, uh…beef?"

Axel finally lifted his head, eyeliner running down his puffy, red face. (Yes, Axel does wear eyeliner, in case you didn't notice!) "Will there be…ice-cream?" he said, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

Zexion handed him a tissue. "Sure...there'll be ice-cream..." he mumbled uncertainly.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" cried Axel. He jumped off the couch, knocked the scrapbook to the ground, opened up a dark passaged, and ran through it. "C'mon!" he shouted.

Zexion, sighed, wondering what he just got himself into, and hurried after him.

A few minutes later, Axel and Zexion appeared in the Superior's room at the local hospital in Hollow Bastion.

Axel looked at Zexion's list in confusion. "_He's_ the first one on the list?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

Zexion nodded solemnly at the man lying in bed. Bandages covered him like a mummy, covering him from his feet, all the way up his arms, and covering his entire face.

Zexion closed his eyes and shook his head. "Let's just get him out of here; we're on a tight schedule as it is."

Just as Axel and Zexion wheeled him into the Dark Corridors of Darkness, Doctor Eraqus appeared. "Oh, there you are!" he exclaimed, combing his luscious black hair.

Zexion stopped for a moment to catch his breath. It was, for some reason, really hard to wheel the bed through. "No...*huff**huff*...time...*huff*..." He started pushing Xemnas through again.

"Well, I bet you would like to know how the surgery went—" started Doctor Eraqus.

"We really don't."

"But if you would just—"

"Goodbye now!"

"But...?"

Zexion and Axel had already wheeled him through. Doctor Eraqus sighed, took out a hand mirror, and gazed at his reflection longingly. "Well, now it's only me and gorgeous me!" he gushed.

Ew.

_In the Corridors of Darkness That Exist Between Worlds But Aren't Really Worlds Themselves..._

Axel and Zexion huffed and puffed as they tried to wheel their Superior through the dark corridor.

Axel gasped for breath. "Why...is this...so difficult? ...That...Jenny Craig...diet...always seemed to work...before..."

Zexion stopped pushing, allowing Axel to collapse onto the ground (of DARKNESS!). He bent down and looked at the wheels of the traveling bed cart.

"Ew..." he whispered. The wheels were completely covered in dark purple guck, making it hard for them to spin.

Axel sighed, and whipped out his cell phone. Zexion looked at him suspiciously. "What are you doing?" he asked.

Axel started dialing. "I'm calling the DCTC," he said simply.

Zexion's face went pale. "Th-The Dark Corridors Taxi Corporation?" he asked, hoping he had heard wrong.

Axel nodded his head. Zexion, in a panic, grabbed Axel's phone, and stuffed it down his own underwear.

Axel gave Zexion the weirdest look. Zexion looked down at the ground uncomfortably, feeling Axel's phone scratch up against his...well, you know...

Axel opened his mouth. "Why...?"

"THEY'RE A VERY SKETCHY GROUP, OKAY?" Zexion snapped, his voice cracking.

Axel almost snickered. Instead, he smiled. "Y-You're afraid of a...taxi company?" he asked, desperately trying not to giggle.

Zexion shuffled his feet awkwardly. "I don't ask you about your childhood..." he mumbled.

Axel smirked, but rose up his hands. "Fine, fine," he said. "Then we'll just have to do it the old-fashioned way," he said.

Zexion looked up, his eyebrows high. "And, what is that?" he asked.

Axel did not respond. Instead, he started to chuckle. "Mhmhmhmm..." he chuckled.

"Hehehe," giggled Zexion for no reason in particular.

"Mmmehehehe..."

"Hahaha..."

"Mwehaha..."

"Hahaheeha..."

"Mwaaaahaaa!"

"Hahaahahaheh!"

"MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"HEHEHAHEHAH!"

"MWWAAAHAHAHAHAHEEHAA-*cough**choke**cough*"

"Teehehehe..."

"*Cough**Sputter* ...Jerk..."

_At Disney Castle..._

Axel looked at Zexion up and down, examining his work. "Turn around," he said, motioning with his hand.

Zexion sighed, and turned slowly. Axel clapped his hands together with absolute glee. "It's perfect!" he cried, grinning up and down.

Zexion looked down at his baby-blue soldier's uniform, complete with the unnecessary brass buttons, sash, trademark white Disney gloves, and a tall, furry blue hat. "I-I look ridiculous!" he complained.

"Oh, nonsense, you look just like me!" Axel put on his own furry blue hat, fastening the clasp under his chin so his hair flattened out awkwardly. Then he stood up tall and pretended to solute like a real soldier, except for his goofy smile. Zexion nearly cried with embarrassment.

When Axel stopped saluting, Zexion pointed to Xemnas, who was still lying unconscious in his stretcher. "What do we do about him?" he asked.

"I already got that covered," said Axel. He reached into his pocket, managed to pull out another furry blue hat, and strapped it onto Xemnas' bandaged head.

Zexion stared at their soldier-mummy Superior, then back at Axel. Then back at their soldier-mummy Superior. Finally, he said, "This isn't going to work."

Axel poked the tip of Zexion's nose with his finger. "Zexy; have my plans every gone wrong before?" he said.

Zexion was just about to answer, but he let the AXEL'S PLANS THAT HAVE GONE COMPLETELY WRONG MONTAGE take the lead.

*AXEL'S PLANS THAT HAVE GONE COMPLETELY WRONG MONTAGE!*

"Hey, Isa! Look at this large mysterious black hole I found!"

"Umm, Lea, I really think we shouldn't…"

"Aw, c'mon, it's not like anything bad is going to happen!"

"Here you go, Marluxia; now your chocolaty-brown hair can have golden highlights!"

"But, the bottle says, 'Bubblegum-Burst Pink.'"

"Eh, they probably had a labeling problem, or something."

"Okay…"

"Axel, I really think this isn't safe…" *adjusts apple on top of head*

"Oh, relax, Xiggy! It's not like I'm going to shoot you in the eye!" *takes out archery equipment*

"A hot air balloon…made out of plastic bags?"

"Yeah, I saw some guys do it on TV, Roxas!"

"But, plastic bags are so thin, and the wind speed is going so fast…"

"Oh, it's a guy thing, Xion! You wouldn't understand!"

"*sigh* I don't even understand myself…"

*Zexion walks in* "A-Axel? What are you doing to the cake mix?"

"The instructions said a cup of oil, so I'm putting in a cup of oil!" *scoops in petroleum oil*

"Y-You're supposed to use cooking oil, not—"

"Hey! Who's the cook here?"

"AXEL? HAVE YOU GONE MAD?"

*Throws sticks of dynamite all over the room* "Mwahahaha! Now nobody is safe from the wrath of Axel, Flurry of Dancing Flames!"

BOOM!

*AXEL'S PLANS THAT HAVE GONE COMPLETELY WRONG MONTAGE ENDS!*

"Hey!" whined Axel. "The last one never happened!"

Zexion looked at him with a dark expression on his face. "But you were planning it," he said matter-of-factly.

Zexion started to walk towards the palace. Axel shuddered, but followed after him. "Zexion does not read minds! Zexion does not read minds, and he never will!" he whispered under his breath.

As they approached the palace gates, they heard a voice behind them. "Hey, who are you supposed to be?"

Axel and Zexion turned to see a talking cow dressed the same way they were, walking towards them.

"I've never seen you two around here before! What are your names?" he asked, looking at them up and down.

Zexion cleared his throat. "I'm urr…Edward Emu, and this is my friend…Sidney Sloth…" he said, hoping he would buy it.

The cow leaned in close. "You don't look like a sloth to me," he said, staring at Axel.

Axel pretended to burst into tears. "How could you say that to me?" he cried, covering his face with imaginary shame.

The cow's eyes went wide. "Gee man, I didn't mean it," he said, patting Axel on the shoulder.

Axel sniffed. "I-It's okay," he said softly. Zexion couldn't help but stare.

After he let them pass, another animal walked up to the cow. "Hey, Carl, why are those guys carrying a stretcher?" said what appeared to be a rooster.

Carl Cow shook his head. "Dunno, Robbie. My guess is fruitball," he said, shaking his head.

Robbie Rooster shook his head, too. "It's always fruitball," he said sympathetically, taking off his fluffy hat in respect.

After watching them leave for a few moments, Robbie turned to Carl. "Say Carl, what's the red-haired guy supposed to be?" he asked.

Carl shrugged. "Says he's a sloth," he said simply.

Robbie squinted his eyes, looking at Axel more closely. "Dang man, that is the weirdest sloth I've ever seen," he said.

Carl snorted. "Don't tell him that," he said softly. "He's one of the sensitive ones."

Axel, Zexion, and Xemnas crept through the royal hallway, jumping peeking through doors as they went.

"Mmmuuhhh," someone moaned. Zexion and Axel looked down at Xemnas, who was starting to lift his head.

"He's starting to wake up!" exclaimed Zexion.

Xemnas opened his eyes, and looked around weakly. "Where…?" He looked confused.

They were just about to explain everything, when they heard other voices. "…I always knew there was something up; I just didn't know what…"

Zexion started to panic. "What do we do? What do we do?" he hissed.

Axel started to freak out as well. "D-Don't look at me; you're the one with the plans!" he whispered back.

Zexion started to hop up and down with fright. "I'm scared!" he squeaked.

"Umm…" Axel quickly grabbed Xemnas' stretcher, and shoved it down the large flight of stairs behind them.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" their Superior cried. Axel waved his hand, and Zexion leaped behind the next wall. Axel, caught up in the moment, got scared and stood still with his eyes squeezed shut, hoping nobody would see him.

"And then of course he started going out all the time, not coming back till 2:00 in the morning. Naïve little old me, I didn't think anything was wrong…"

"Mmhm, you are absolutely right, your majesty!"

"He claims he's taking lessons to become a hardcore Keyblade wielder, but I know where he really—oh, hello!"

Axel opened an eye just a crack, and saw Queen Minnie and Daisy standing in front of him, waiting for him to answer.

Axel fumbled, but bowed down as best he could. "Umm, hi, your majesty," he said.

SLAM! THUMP! CRASH! BOOM! WHAAAMM! "Ouuuuuccchhh…" Xemnas moaned from the bottom of the stairs.

The Queen looked down for a brief minute, and then turned her attention back to Axel. "And who are you supposed to be?" she asked, smiling sweetly.

Axel sighed, and said his fake name once more. "I'm…Sidney Sloth," he said, wishing Zexion had chosen a better name for him.

Minnie's eyes went wide. "Sir Sidney Sloth? From the Administration of Barn Animal Rights and Liberties?" she cried.

Axel frowned. "Uhh, sure," he said, unsure of what he just got himself into.

Queen Minnie's eyes filled with tears. "It is…an honor, Sir Sloth!" she cried, bowing down so low her crown almost slid off her head.

Axel shuffled his feet, very uncomfortable. Minnie rose, and waved her hand to her royal vizier. "Daisy, you are free to have the rest of the day off," she said, not taking her eyes off of Axel—I mean, Sir Sloth.

"OhThankKingdomHearts!" Daisy cried, bolting off in a different direction.

Minnie yanked Axel down to her level, took him by the arm, and led him towards her study. "Come! We must discuss political issues, Sir Sloth!" she said.

Axel, unable to break free, turned his head and looked at Zexion. _Go on_, he mouthed. _I'll catch up!_

Zexion's eyes filled with worry, knowing that Axel would somehow manage to do something incredibly stupid while he was gone. However, he ran down the stairs, grabbed the stretcher, (Xemnas had been knocked unconscious again), and headed down the hallway once more.

By the time Zexion actually found the garage, he had climbed up 20 flights of stairs, walked through 40 hallways, passed through 9 gardens, opened 145 doors, and possibly went around in a circle 10 times. So instead of walking through the last door, he fell through it.

Hearing the sound of bells and hammers, Zexion peeled his face off the ground, realized where he was, and leaped up and down with some assortment of Nobody glee.

He grabbed the handles of Xemnas' stretcher, spun him around and around, flung him down the flight of stairs ahead of him on accident, and collapsed on the ground, giggling and kicking his feet in the air. Man, it was disturbing.

Realizing that what he was doing was completely out of character, Zexion pulled himself up off the floor, raced down the stairs, jumped over Xemnas' empty stretcher, ran past Xemnas (who had flown off of his stretcher and got his head stuck in the brick wall), went over to the controls, and slowed down when he saw how many buttons and levers and pulleys and switches and knobs there were.

His smile faded.

He scratched his head, trying to look at the problem from different angles. No matter which way he looked at it, it just seemed…well…not as easy as he had hoped.

_How did Axel expect me to steal a gummi-ship? I've never stolen anything in my entire life…_

Zexion stopped in his tracks.

_Okay, so maybe I have stolen a few things…but no matter what the other's say, I did not take Xaldin's last lemon square! I have an alibi! …And Larxene's bra was solely for scientific research! There was no need to get violent about that!_

Zexion sighed, closed his eyes, and pointed to a random button.

_Might as well push this one! Nothing REALLY bad could possibly come out of this, right?_

Queen Minnie took a long sip of tea from a tiny China teacup. And I mean, like, one of those looong, awkward sips that make that really loud slurping noise, and nobody wants to say anything, especially Axel, because she was THE QUEEN.

She set down her cup at last, and smiled. "So, how are you liking your stay in Disney Castle?" she asked, trying to start up casual conversation.

Axel wiggled around uncomfortably in his large, pink cushioned chair which he was practically falling into, and looked around. Even though the pink and lighter pink room with deadly weapons on the wall and portraits of the queen EVERYWHERE should have made him feel comfortable, it really didn't. The only solace he found was staring at the large fireplace in the front of the room.

Axel swallowed hard, trying not to glance at the spiky club hanging right above his head. "Oh, umm, everything is going just fine…" he mumbled.

_Gaahhh! What am I supposed to do, make casual conversation? Ugh, where's Zexion when I need him?_

Queen Minnie started to stir her tea. "You know, I really do admire your work in the outside worlds, Sir Sloth," she babbled, not realizing that Axel wasn't paying attention in the slightest bit.

_Oh, heavenly Kingdom Hearts, whatever did I do to deserve this punishment? I've never done anything bad in my entire life…_

"I am an admirer of yours…well, I guess you could say that I have always been an admirer of yours!" said Minnie, her face blushing. "But, to tell you the truth, I never thought a moment like this…would become a reality…" She scootched up closer in her chair, smiling flirtatiously.

…_Okay, so maybe I am…a bit of a troublemaker at times…but the fangirls LOVE that! And so what if I told everyone that Zexion was the one who took Xaldin's last lemon square? A man's got to do what a man's got to do! _

Axel couldn't help but smile a little bit.

_Although, we all know that Larxene's bra was not for "scientific research" or whatever…it's still in his room…speaking of which, WHERE IS ZEXION?_

Queen Minnie straightened her dress. "Well," she said. "How do you like my new dress? Does it suit me well?"

_Did she just ask me a question? Jeez, do women always expect you to listen? Uh, uh, what am I supposed to say…oh! Think: what would Zexion say in this type of situation…something about the room…_

Axel sat up straight, opened his mouth, and said the first intelligent thing that came to mind. "THE WAY THE LIGHT SHINES OFF OF THEM IS VERY RIVETING!" he blurted.

The room went completely silent.

Minnie's face turned bright red, while Axel's face went very pale after realizing what she asked and what he said.

The Queen opened her mouth, and was just about to say something that would make this chapter a lot racier than it is, when she was interrupted by the security alarm.

WARNING! WARNING! INTRUDOR ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! UNAUTHORIZED PERSONS IN THE GUMMI-SHIP GARAGE! WARNING! IF YOU SEE A CUTE GUY WITH SHAGGY SILVER HAIR WITH A STRETCHER, PLEASE TAKE NOTE! THIS IS A STATE OF EMERGENCY! THIS IS NOT TIME TO PANIC! WARNING…

Minnie sat up so fast that her chair fell back. "We must alert the guards at once!" she shouted. She turned to Axel. "This will only be a moment," she said winking. She then ran towards the security alert button.

Axel's heart started to pound in his chest. _No, no, no, no, no, no! I am not about to get trapped in a room with a lonely mouse queen! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?_

So, in a panic, Axel did one of the many things he does best.

Zexion stood there, his finger still on the cursed button that set off the alarm, his eyes squeezed shut.

_I should've stayed home! I knew I should've stayed home! I could be in my room right now, stroking Larxene's br…ook! Book! That book I borrowed from her last week! Yeah, that one…_

Axel burst through the door, carrying a mysterious black bag. "Zexion! We've got a sit—Ow! Ooo! Eee! Ahh! Oof! Ow—AAAHHHH!" CRASH!

Axel, not noticing the stairs in front of him, had tripped, fallen down the stairs, landed on the rolling stretcher, and got his head stuck in the brick wall, right next to Xemnas.

Axel yanked his head out of the wall, and started again. "Zexion! We've got a situation!" he shouted, his head covered in debris.

Zexion rolled his eyes. "Gee, Axel, I never would have guessed," he said.

Axel ran over to the control board, pulled a few levers and switches, and slammed down a large red button.

Immediately, the Gummi-ship doors opened as it was lowered towards the ground and onto the launch pad.

Zexion's jaw dropped to the floor. "How did you…?"

Axel sighed, and pointed to the large inscription: 'WHEN YOU WANT TO ACCESS THE MAIN GUMMIE-SHIP, PRESS THIS BUTTON. YOU CAN'T MISS IT!'

"Oh," said Zexion, smiling sheepishly. Axel groaned, and was just about to say a really good comeback, when they heard shouting.

"There they are!"

Axel and Zexion looked up to see that a whole bunch of guards, (including Carl Cow and Robbie Rooster), had formed an angry mob in the hallway.

"Get 'em!"

"RRROOOAAAHHH!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!"

As the guards rushed down the stairs, Zexion pulled Xemnas out of the wall, slumped him over the stretcher at an awkward angle, and wheeled him inside the ship as fast as he could.

Once inside, Zexion sealed the hatch as best he could, and turned to Axel. "Now what? Now what!" he cried, hopping up and down again.

"Whuz goin' on?" groaned Xemnas, waking up for the second time that day.

"SHUT UP!" screamed Zexion, all panicky and twitchy. He opened up some random compartment, (which just so happened to be the gummi-ship garbage chute), grabbed the handles of the stretcher as best as he could, and shoved Xemnas inside. "NOW'S NOT THE TIME TO PANIC!" he screamed.

Together, Axel and Zexion ran to the bridge (that's the main control-y part of the ship, for all you "land lubbers," hehe), sat themselves down in the fancy swivel chairs, and started manning the controls.

"Hey!" cried a tiny voice. Zexion and Axel looked around, confused.

"Down here!" cried the voice again. Axel jumped, and pointed to the source of the voice.

"What do you think you're doing?" shouted Chip, who was standing in the Captain's Swivel Chair, his arms crossed across his chest. "This is private property of His Majesty, King Mickey!"

"Yeah!" shouted Dale, who was standing next to Chip. "Chipper's right! You can't just steal a royal gummi-ship! Stunts like these can get you arrested, or thrown in jail, or boiled in oil, or—"

Just then, a rock thrown by the angry mob outside flew in through a random open window, and smashed Dale on the head, knocking him unconscious in the middle of his rant.

"Dale!" cried Chip in dismay. He looked up at Axel and Zexion, and smiled weakly. "Hehe," he forced a small laugh, while attempting to back away slowly.

Axel sighed, took Zexion's Lexicon, and used it to brush Chip and his half-dead companion into the wastebasket, which he threw into the gummi-ship prison cell.

When Axel came back, he saw Zexion sitting in the Captain's Swivel Chair, stroking the arms tenderly. "Hmhmhehe…" he chuckled softly to himself. "How I have longed for this day…"

Axel shuddered, but took a seat in the Less-Important Swivel Chair, put his hands on the steering wheel, and frowned when he saw the angry mob still outside, this time holding pitchforks.

"We…uh, all set to go, Zexy?" he asked, his eyes going wide as he saw one guard climb up onto the hull of the ship.

"It's Captain!"

"Okay, Captain Zexy," said Axel, flinching back as he saw the same guard stabbing his pitchfork against the glass on the main widow.

"My name is Zexion!" barked Zexion.

"Are we ready to go, Zexion?" Axel's voice cracked with nervousness as the guard gave up on the pitchfork, and started gnashing at the window with his teeth.

"Captain Zexion!"

"Fine, Captain Zexion!"

"What was the question?"

"ARE WE READY TO GO?"

"Yes, yes, there's no need to shout…"

"I'M NOT SHOUTING!"

"Yes, yes you are."

"Ahem! Okay, now I'm not shouting anymore."

"Good, fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Zexion then pressed the Master Button on his chair, and waited for the engines to start running.

Nothing happened. Raising one eyebrow, Zexion got up from his chair, and started walking towards the engine room to see what was up.

WHOOSH!

The launch pad beneath the gummi-ship suddenly let go, and the gummi-ship zoomed downwards, knocking off all of the mobbers and slamming Zexion against the ceiling. Even Axel had to grip onto the steering wheel to make sure he didn't fly up and hit against the ceiling.

Suddenly, the gummi-ship slowed down until it stopped dropping completely, then went forward at a comfortable cruising speed. Axel breathed a sigh of relief, and relaxed his shoulders. "Everything all right, Captain Zexion?" called Axel, not looking behind him.

"Uggghhh…" Zexion groaned. Axel turned, and saw Zexion flattened up against the top of the ceiling of the ship, face squished against the hard metal.

"Uh, Zexion?" Axel started to get up from his chair, but Zexion peeled off of the ceiling and hit the floor with a loud CLANG! instead.

Axel stared at Zexion, lying on the floor. Axel reached out his hand, but Zexion jumped up, brushing himself off in the process. "There was, uh…Captain…business up there…" he mumbled. He saluted, not realizing that his sliver bangs were sticking upwards at a strange angle.

Axel rolled his eyes, shook his head, and turned back to the steering wheel, making up extremely witty comments in his head, but he wanted Zexion to have at least a little bit of dignity left, so he kept them to himself.

Zexion looked out at the beautiful scenery around them, but shook his head. "It puzzles me," he said, his forefinger stroking his imaginary scientific beard. "Why would the guards hunt us down so relentlessly? All we did was sneak in unauthorized, right?"

Zexion looked at Axel. Axel sat in his chair, fumbling with a small box of matches in his lap, his face turning pink.

Zexion froze, suddenly afraid. "A-Axel?" he said.

Axel turned his head and looked around the small compartment, while humming a classic tune softly to himself.

"Axel?"

"It's a small world after all," he sang quietly, his hands shaking as he continuously fingered the matchbox. "It's a small world after all…"

"AXEL!"

"IT'S IN THE BAG!" Axel confessed, throwing the box of matches up into the air.

"Huh…?" started Zexion, unsure of his sudden confession.

Axel folded his hands between his legs, and started rocking back and forth. "I-It's in the bag," he whispered this time, giving Zexion the _guilt eyes_.

Zexion's eyes went wide. "You don't mean…" his voice trailed off. Without waiting for Axel to answer him, he ran over to the mysterious black bag that Axel had been carrying, opened it up, and found Axel's Organization coat crumpled in the ball. Zexion reached over and picked up the coat, except it started wiggling around.

"HOLY…!" Zexion screamed, dropping the coat on the floor.

"Ouch!" a voice spoke from the coat-ball. The wad slowly started to unwrap itself, until Queen Minnie emerged, mad as ever. "How DARE you!" she howled, fixing the crown on her head.

Zexion dropped his jaw, and stared at Axel. "You…" he started.

Axel burst into hysterics. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" he cried, taking his hands off the steering wheel, and flailing them about as he told Zexion the whole story. "We started having casual conversation together except I wasn't really listening but I should have because she started hitting on me and I said something really awkward due to a reference from you and she got the wrong idea and then the alarm went off and she was going to summon the guards and I had to do something so I PANICKED!" he blubbered.

The whole time Axel was flailing around his arms and telling the story, the gummi-ship was zooming around in loops and circles, spinning in 360s and smashing into random flying meteors.

Zexion listened intently the entire time, ignoring the rocking and bumping of the bridge. Finally, he crossed his arms across his chest and shook his head. "You do realize that you just kidnapped THE QUEEN OF DISNEY CASTLE?" he said, his eyes glaring.

Axe, who thought it wouldn't be quite appropriate to get up and grab his box of matches, started fiddling with one of the gold buttons on his soldier's uniform. "Well, yeah…" he said softly.

Zexion continued. "And of course you realize that this could start a war! A rebellion! Another angry mob!"

Queen Minnie interrupted. "Excuse me!" she shouted. "I hope you know that my husband is one of those chosen by the Keyblade, and you don't want to mess with him! Plus, I have connections with dukes and duchesses from all different worlds, so don't even THINK about doing anything suspicious with me, misters! And, not to mention, this place is FILTHY! The very least you could do for me is lay out a carpet, or wipe off some of these counters, my goodness…"

As Queen Minnie rambled on in her annoying tone, Zexion rolled his eyes, and looked at Axel with a desperate expression.

Axel nodded in understanding. "I got this," he said.

He got up, grabbed Minnie by one of her large black ears, dragged her across the room, and threw her into the gummi-ship prison cell.

"W-What are you doing? Don't you dare take a step closer—Ow! Ow! Ow! Let go of my ear this INSTANT! I command you! Oh, this is completely undigni—WHOOAAA!"

CLANG!

Axel strode back to his swivel chair, brushing off his hands and whistling again. As soon as he sat down, they heard a strange ringing sound coming from Zexion's pants.

_When you walk away_

_You don't hear me say please_

_Oh Baby, don't go!_

_Simple and Clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight…_

Axel scrunched up his nose. "That's funny," he said. "I would've sworn I had put it on vibrate…"

"Gnnaagghhh!" Zexion shot up out of his chair, squirming and wiggling his butt awkwardly.

Axel grinned and nodded his head. "Yup, I knew it!" he exclaimed.

Zexion glared at him. He reached down into his pants, pulled out Axel's phone, and tossed it to him.

Axel caught it, then gasped and threw it back in disgust. "Ew! I don't want anything from your pants!" he cried, wiping his hands on his shirt.

Zexion caught it, but threw it back to Axel. "No, I insist! It is your phone after all!" he said, smiling.

"Ick!" Axel threw it back to Zexion.

"Take it!" shouted Zexion, throwing it back.

"No!" cried Axel, throwing it to Zexion.

Zexion growled, and chucked it at Axel's head. Axel bent backwards, the phone zooming by two centimeters away from his nose.

Axel shot back up. "Ha!" he cried, giving Zexion a smug smile. "You should have seen the look on your—"

SMASH!

Axel turned just in time to see his only ways of mobile communication go smashing threw a side window.

Axel and Zexion stood where they were, their fun suddenly going sour. Finally, Axel sniffed. "You're buying me a new phone," he grumbled.

Zexion opened his mouth, and was just about to reply when his own phone rang.

_All the single ladies, all the single ladies_

_All the single ladies, all the single ladies_

_All the single ladies, all the single ladies_

_All the single ladies _

_Now put your hands up…_

Zexion fumbled to yank his phone out of his pocket as fast as he could without Axel hearing his ringtone. Axel smirked at his sad attempt.

Pressing the answer button, Zexion pressed the phone against the side of his face protectively. "Hello?" he asked.

_Why hello there, Zexion! It's the love doctor calling!_

Zexion looked so disturbed at that moment that Axel was dying to know what the other line was saying. "What? What is it?" whispered Axel, his eyes wide.

Zexion waved him off, and cleared his throat. "Umm…excuse me?"

_*sigh* …It's me, Doctor Eraqus, from the hospital, regarding Xemnas. I tried you both on Axel's phone, but he didn't pick up._

Zexion's eyes went wide with realization. "Ohhhhhh…" he said, nodding his head in understanding.

Axel started jumping up and down with anticipation. "What is it? What is it?" he whisper-shouted.

Zexion waved him off again. "Is there something you need to tell us?" he asked.

_Well, I was trying to tell you earlier, but you RUDELY vanished off into the Corridors of Darkness with the patient, which is, of course, illegal. I would have called the authorities, but since your members have always lent me your hair products in my time of need, I let you off the hook. _

Zexion scratched his head, and nodded. "Yeah, sorry about that…oh! And thanks for not calling the cops on us, we appreciate that, too," he said, guilt in his voice.

Axel stood up on his swivel chair, and started spinning in circles. "What? What is it? What did he SAY?" he said, curiosity eating away at him.

Zexion waved him away _again_, and listened to what the doctor was trying to say.

_Anyways, just wanted to let you know that everything is fine, the surgery went very well, and we didn't have any problems…_

"Hold it!" Zexion interrupted, his hands suddenly shaking. "Surgery? Did you just say he had, surgery?" he asked, fear in his throat.

_Well, yes. When patients need a heart transplant, we usually put them under surgery. (Sheesh, the kind of people I work with…)_

Zexion's eyes rolled back in his head. He stumbled, and caught himself on the Captain's Swivel Chair. He blinked a few times, put his tongue back in his mouth, took a deep breath, and spoke as calmly as he could. "H-Heart Transplant?" he breathed, feeling suddenly unsteady just saying it.

_Umm…yes…_

"He's not s-supposed to h-have a h-heart transplant," Zexion hissed. "NONE. OF. US. ARE!"

He hung up suddenly, threw the phone in a random direction, and ran over to the gummi-ship garbage chute, Axel following close behind.

"Xemnas!" Zexion screeched, slapping him across his face to make him wake up.

Xemnas moaned, stirred, put his hand to the three different bumps he had acquired on his head, his eyes fluttering.

Zexion leaned in close. "Xemnas!" he whispered in his ear. "If you were to choose between World Domination and Animal Cruelty Awareness, which would you rather support?"

Xemnas giggled a little, smiled, and whispered, "Animal Cruelty Awareness."

Zexion pulled his head back, reached his hands towards the sky, and screamed in horror.

"NOOOOOOOOO….!"

_To be continued…_

* * *

><p><strong>Yay! Xemnas gets a heart transplant! What will he do now…?<strong>

**Plus, now that Organization XIII has Queen Minnie and Chip and Dale held hostage, what kind of wars and rebellions and angry mobs are they going to start next?**

**Also, I have decided to make the wedding into a two parter, so I'm sorry to all who had anticipated the whole ceremony and best-man revealing! But never fear! I have decided to post up the next chapter at the same time, so now you may skip my long author's note, and read that instead. Go! Go! Go! Go!**

**Again, really sorry for not updating in a while! I promise I will upload a lot faster now! PINKIE PROMISE!**

…**oh, and remember to R/R!**


	9. The Wedding, Part 2

**OhmygoshI'veforgottentoputindisclaimers!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy VII, Disney, or Alvin and the Chipmunks: Hula-Hoop. But I do own this story. So lay off, all you procrastinating peoples! XP**

* * *

><p>Five hours later, the Royal Gummi-Ship landed with a loud CRASH on top of Marluxia's roses in The Garden That Has Nothing to Do With Eden.<p>

Zexion opened the hatch of the ship, crawled out of the opening, and sprawled down on his knees. "Freedom!" he shouted to the sky, his hands lifted in thanks. "Sweet, sweet freed—"

_WHOOSH!_

About 1000 guests poured through the opening in the ship, and trampled over Zexion as they raced towards the Castle That Never Was.

Axel jumped onto the ground and slowly walked over. Bending down, he grabbed Zexion by his hood (yes, they were in their Organization uniforms again, thank goodness...) and pulled his head up out of the ground.

Zexion spat out a large chunk of dirt. "That...(phew, phew,)...was terrible," he groaned.

Axel nodded his head, but froze when he saw Saix approaching, his face bright red with anger.

"Where. Have. You. BEEN?" he spat, his hands clenched into fists. "Demyx is going through a nervous breakdown; the bride is eating the sofa; Larxene and all the other bridesmaids have started a riot; Luxord is SOBER; and Marluxia is in mourning for the wedding that was supposed to happen FIVE HOURS AGO!" The veins in his forehead throbbed so much that his unique scar bubbled and pulsated at strange angles.

Axel sighed. "Well," he said. He looked up towards the sky. Strangely enough, it did not start to blur with the anticipation of a flashback.

He looked to Zexion for help. Zexion spat out another chunk of dirt, reached into his pocket, and pulled out the new It's Flashback Time! 3000, typed in the date and time, and pressed the GO button.

*FLASHBACK TI-*

"Hey, it talks!" shouted Axel, giggling with excitement.

*WHA—OF COURSE I TALK! I AM THE IT'S A FLASHBACK TIME! 3000!*

A loud clap of thunder roared through the sky, making them all jump.

*IT IS ONLY EXPECTED THAT A MERE HUMAN WOULDN'T SUSPECT THAT!*

"But we're not humans!" shouted Axel. "We're Nobodies! No hearts!"

*WELL, (SNIFF), THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY NONE OF YOU WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TODAY...*

"Happy Birthday!" shouted Axel.

*AW, SHUCKS, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TOO!*

Axel smiled warmly. (Or, as warmly as you could get from Axel). "Oh, but I did!"

*YEAH, YOU KIND OF DID...CAN I GET BACK TO MY FLASHBACK NOW?*

"Oh! Sorry!"

*THAT'S OKAY! FLASHBACK TIME!*

By the time Axel and Zexion had picked up all the guests, it was so hot and stuffy and crowded inside the gummi-ship that Axel had to tie his hair back into a spiky red ponytail.

"Can't this damn gummi-ship go any faster?" Cid complained. "It's getting' so damn hot in here!"

"Yeah!" agreed Hercules. "My pecs are starting to deflate! Look!" He poked at one of his abs, which was a little saggier than usual.

Axel grimaced, clenched his fists on the wheel a little tighter, but didn't say anything. Instead, he turned to Zexion for assistance.

Zexion had wrapped himself with his coat until his face was completely hidden. He rocked back and forth gently in his Captain's Swivel Chair, mumbling softly to himself.

"Zexion!" shouted Axel. "Hey Zexion!"

"Shhhh!" Zexion shushed him, and rocked back and forth a little faster. "I'm not here!" he hissed.

"There you are!" bellowed Ursula the Sea Witch. "I was wondering where you were!"

Zexion squeaked with fright, and burrowed his face between his legs, in hoped that she would lose him.

No such luck. "Here," she handed him a large water hose. "I can't stand being trapped in here! I'm drying up all over!"

Zexion didn't budge.

"Well, what are you waiting for? An invitation?" Ursula cackled.

Zexion sighed miserably, picked up the hose with his coat-covered hand, and started spraying her with it.

"Aaahhh..." sighed Ursula. "That hits the spot...oh! What about right here?" She pulled down her black dress-suit a little bit, and had him spray across her chest.

Zexion was crying softly as he sprayed, and hoped that nobody was keeping a record of this event.

Pinocchio kicked the floor with his wooden foot. "Are we there yet?" he whined loudly for the 5th time that trip.

Axel growled. "Don't make me turn this vehicle around!" he said.

Captain Hook staggered over, and put his hooked arm around Axel's shoulders. "Y'know," he slurred, waving a pint of liquor in front of Axel's face. "I'll never forget the day I first set sail on the *hic* high seas..." He broke into a fit of hiccups.

Axel stared at his sharp silver hook next to his shoulder and nodded. "Yup, high seas," he mumbled nervously.

Captain Hook swayed a bit, and then smiled. "Smee!" he shouted.

A short fat man appeared, wearing women's shorts and sandals. "Yes, Captain?" he said.

"Bring out the harmonica!" the Captain shouted. "I think it's time I sang a little ditty!"

Everyone else on the ship groaned. "No more!" shouted Aurora. "I can't take it!"

Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather all got up from their knitting circle, and jumped down the gummi-ship garbage chute, just so that they wouldn't hear it.

Captain Hook cleared his throat. "Oooohhhh!" he started. Just about everyone on the ship threw rotten cabbages and tomatoes at him, while booing him and calling him names.

Just as everyone stopped shouting, Snow White let out her true feelings. "Get lost, you lazy drunk!"

Everyone stared at her. "Well, that wasn't very nice at all," said Grumpy, his hands on his hips.

Dock covered his face with his hands in shame, and started to weep. Sleepy woke up with a jolt. "Wha'd I miss?" he mumbled, examining the shocked look on everyone's face.

Snow White went silent, her face red with embarrassment.

Captain Hook spat out a rotten cabbage leaf, and got right back up on his feet. "Fine!" he shouted. "Then I guess I'll leave the *hic* entertainment part to my furry friends over in the gummi-ship prison cell!"

Axel's face went ghostly pale. "No," he whispered in horror. "Oh, Kingdom Hearts..."

_Christmas, Christmas time is near_

_Time for joy and time for cheer!_

_We've been good, but we can't last_

_Hurry Christmas, hurry fast!_

_Want a plane that loops a loop_

_Me, I want a hula-hoop!_

"Gaaahhhh!" Axel smashed his face against the control board, hoping a serious brain injury would put him out of his misery.

Ursula lifted up her arms. "How about under here?" she said to Zexion, who was still spraying her massive body with cold water.

Immediately, the whole ship filled with the pungent odor of Ursula's underarms. "Oh..." Zexion groaned before passing out.

Now everyone else was trying to escape through the gummi-ship garbage chute.

Axel dove under the control board and covered his nose as best as he could, but his eyes were already watering. "Oh, please let this wedding be worth it..." he mumbled under his breath.

*FLASHBACK ENDS!*

As Axel and Zexion explained their way through the flashback, Saix seemed to gain no sympathy. Finally, he asked the universal question they both feared. "What about the Superior?"

Axel and Zexion looked at each other. Zexion opened his mouth. "Well, it's sort of, umm..."

Axel cut in. "It's kind of like..."

"You see..." Zexion shook his head, unable to explain it.

Saix's face turned dangerously purple. "What are you—"

"Hey, guys!"

Everyone turned to see their Superior jump out of the hatch in the ship, and run towards them. (It was kind of like the secret-ending from Final Fantasy X-2, except...yeah, exactly like the secret ending.)

Once he caught up to them, he grinned. "That was some trip, huh?" he said, almost reaching the level of casual conversation. "I'm so glad we're all okay, though! It would have broken my heart to see two of by bestest friends in any sort of real trouble or danger!" He put his arms around Axel and Zexion.

Saix's mouth lay gaping open, his tongue having trouble staying in his mouth.

Xemnas looked at him worriedly. "What's wrong, Saix darling? Did your tongue swell up again from eating too many boysenberries?" Xemnas giggled.

Saix's eye twitched in response.

Xemnas giggled again. "Silly old Sai-Sai! Well, don't you worry! I'll make you up a hot bath, and then you'll feel better!" And with that, the former silver-haired menace skipped towards the Castle That Never Was.

The group went silent. In an attempt to break the silence, Zexion cleared his throat. "Well," he said. "I know this may seem like a bit of a shock to you..."

The pupils in Saix's eyes expanded until they filled up both his eyes.

Zexion cleared this throat nervously again. "But he always said he wanted a heart, right? Consider it an early birthday present...Saix? Saix? Saix, what are you doing?"

Saix extended his right arm, and summoned his Claymore.

"Now, now Saix," said Zexion. "There's no need to go into berserker state..."

Saix raised the Claymore up over his head, and screamed, "YOU'RE DEAD TO ME!"

"HOLY-!" Axel and Zexion both ran towards the castle as fast as they could, with Saix running at a dangerously close distance behind them.

Riku lifted up his blindfold and peaked through the door to the marriage ceremony area inside the church. The guests were already seated; Marluxia had already taken his position at the side of the room; Vexen was putting on his priest's hat; but the bride and groom and Axel and Zexion and Roxas were nowhere to be seen.

Riku adjusted his tuxedo nervously and looked at the clock. It was almost time for the wedding to start.

Axel strode out of the bathroom, also wearing a tuxedo. He slicked back his hair, walked over to Riku, and was just about to say something when...

"AXEL! ZEXION! ROXAS! DEMYX! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?" screamed Riku.

Axel jumped back ten feet and almost knocked over a random expensive vase nearby. As it started to fall, he jumped on top of the pedestal it was standing on, fumbled to catch it, grabbed it finally, put it back upside down without noticing, and finished it off by leaning against the wall, arms crossed, giving off a sexy disposition.

Riku heard the clatter and turned to face the direction of the noise. (He was still wearing his blindfold, evidently.) "Oh, hello Axel," he said, giving him a little wave.

"Wha—how did you know it was me?" he asked, amazed.

Riku sighed as he explained. "Because only you would almost accidentally knock over an expensive object, stumble while trying to put it back, then try to pretend like nothing happened by leaning up against some wall with your arms crossed and hair slicked back."

Axel opened his mouth to say something nasty, closed it, and then cleared his throat. "Spot on, man," he said, his voice cracking as he said it.

Zexion and Roxas also appeared both wearing tuxedos. "S'up, fellahs!" said Roxas.

Even though Axel had told him countless times never to say that because it most certainly did not make him seem cool, he didn't care.

"Roxas!" he cried. He grabbed Roxas in his arms and squeezed him in a giant dangerous hug. "Where have you been?" he exclaimed, shaking him around.

"Hmph! Hmph!" Roxas cried, his face pressed into Axel's suit.

Axel released him. "Ah, sorry," Axel said, his face red with embarrassment.

Roxas fixed his hair and continued. "I had to stay here and practice my speech," he said, his grin spreading across his face.

Axel frowned. "What speech?" he said, confused.

Before Roxas could explain, Zexion sighed, his arms crossed across his chest. "Demyx made him Best Man," he mumbled, a large tint of annoyance in his voice.

Axel's jaw dropped to the floor. "But...we...you...no...but the...the scrapbook! Our precious memories together...they meant...I mean...w-what do you mean you're Best Man?" he complained to Roxas. "Why would he..."

Zexion huffed. "Apparently, we're not good enough for mister high-and-mighty, mister I-want-to-have-walrus-Nobody-hybrid-children-with-my-new-wife!"

"Pfft!" Axel stuck his nose in the air. "I guess so!"

"Aw, don't be mad, Axel," said Roxas. "After all, I was the first one who supported this whole marriage in the first place! Be in good cheer!"

Axel lifted his hands in the air. "Good cheer! Of course I'm in good cheer! Why wouldn't I be in good cheer? Good cheer is awesome! Good cheer is great! So why wouldn't I be in it? Why not? W-W-Why...not?" he burst into tears. He slouched himself over Roxas' shoulder. "WHY DIDN'T HE CHOOSE ME?"

Roxas patted him on the head comfortingly. "Oh, it's alright, Axel. No need to be upset! I'm sure Demyx still loves you."

Axel crying reached a different tone. "I don't want him to love me," he wailed, "I just want him to remember me!"

Roxas met Axel's eyes. "Would it make you feel better if I gave you my rose for the ceremony?" he asked.

Axel sniffed back his tears. "Y-Yeah, that would be kind of cool," he mumbled, even though his empty-space-where-his-heart-was-supposed-to-be knew that it would be totally cool.

Roxas unpinned the large white rose from his tux pocket, and pinned it onto Axel's. "There," he said.

Axel wiped away his tears, and smiled. Meanwhile, Zexion and Riku were gagging in the corner, the scene of sentiment a little too much for them.

Everyone heard two cars pull up outside. They all turned and saw a black stretch-limo and a white stretch-limo parked right outside.

The doors burst open, and Deandra waddled inside, her tusks shiny and polished for the ceremony, her semi-tuxedo glistening in the afternoon sunlight.

"ARRARR!" she cried with joy, and waddled inside the marriage ceremony room, followed by a large crowd of sea mammals (relatives?), and a team of bridesmaids led by Larxene.

Riku snickered. "Hehe, I didn't know the Aquarium was coming along as well, right Axel? Axel?"

Axel's eyes were glazed over, his tongue hanging out of his mouth as he stared at Larxene in her tight bridesmaid dress.

"Umm, Axel?"

"Hehe...pretty lady..."

Zexion was puzzled. "What I would like to know is...why the bride was wearing a...oh, dear," he murmured as he saw Demyx enter the room.

Everyone stared as Demyx seemed to float into the room, wearing a long white wedding gown, complete with the marshmallow-like sleeves, puffy skirt, expensive heels, unnecessary ribbons and bows, low collar (meant to reveal cleavage), and a long veil to cover his face.

"Why, thank you Axel, I do feel rather pretty today," said Demyx, who lifted the veil to reveal heavy makeup on his face.

Zexion crumpled down to the floor. Roxas and Riku reached down and pulled him back up again, while Axel just stood and stared at Demyx, the man he once knew.

Once Zexion was situated back on his feet, he shook his head. "Why...?" he fell back down again.

Demyx smoothed out his sparkly gown. "Well, my little Tusky-Trifle feels uncomfortable in a dress, and according to Master Xehanort's book, _How To Succeed In Romantic Endeavors_, you should always do whatever pleases the other spouse."

The group honestly didn't know which was worse: the fact that Demyx would dress in drag just to please his walrus wife; that he calls his walrus wife, his "Tusky Trifle"; or that Master Xehanort wrote a guide on romantic endeavors.

"Oh!" cried Demyx in surprise. "I almost forgot! Axel, I would like to talk to you about something!"

Axel's face lit up automatically. He sidled over to the Women's Restroom where Demyx was waiting.

Demyx put his hand on Axel's shoulder. "Axel," he said. "My dear friend."

Axel smiled. "Yes?" he said, excitement and anticipation building up inside him.

Demyx smiled. "You know, we've been friends for a really long time now," he said, sighing with nostalgia. "Remember when we went to that exclusive nightclub in Destiny Islands?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Axel. _Just get on with it, _he thought. _Just say you want me to be the best man instead of Roxas!_

Demyx sighed again. "Well, even though we've both matured and grown, I will never forget all the fun times we had when we were kids."

_K-Kids? Kids? It was last month! _Thought Axel, slight annoyance building up inside him.

"So, I think it is only fair if I give you an important role in this special occasion," said Demyx, a grin spreading across his face.

Butterflies fluttered around in Axel's stomach. He was so excited he started jumping up and down just a little bit. "What are you trying to say?" he said, ready for it.

Demyx giggled. "Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is..."

_Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes? Say it! Say it! _

"...will you sing at the reception?" asked Demyx, his face hopeful.

_Yes, yeaHUUUUHHHHHHHH?_

Axel's excitement and anticipation practically deflated out of his system. As much as he wanted to scream something repulsive, as much as he wanted to hit his head against the sink, his smile from before stayed plastered on his face. All he could manage to say was a single, "Eh!"

Demyx cried with joy. "Oh, I just knew you would! After all, we did come up with that catchy tune, Falling For You All Over Again And Again!"

Axel nodded, his smile still there.

"Well," said Demyx. "I guess I'll see you during the ceremony, okay?" he gave Axel a quick hug, not his usual man-hug, but a feminine hug with a slight kiss on the cheek, then left the bathroom.

Axel stood there for a long time, pondering what just happened. In fact, he stayed like that for a long time, until Elizabeth Swan walked out of one of the stalls, and slapped him across the face.

A few minutes later, Axel snuck through the ceremonial doors, ran down the aisle, and skidded to a halt right next to Zexion, Riku, and the priest who was leading the ceremony.

Axel couldn't help but glance at Riku, who had a fat gold hula-hoop held around his waist. "Who are you supposed to be?" he asked, pointing to the hoop.

Riku grinned and slapped the golden ring like a belt. "I'm the ring bearer!" he said proudly.

Axel's eyes went wide as he realized what he meant. He looked at Zexion curiously. "Who's the priest?" he asked.

Zexion sighed, and shrugged. "Who knows?" he said. He was in a very depressing mood.

Axel stuffed his hands in his pockets. _As long as I'm here, I might as well strike up conversation_, he thought.

He turned to the priest in charge, who had his/her back turned. "So, do you do opposite-species marriages often?" he asked.

The priest turned around, and spoke in his best scientific vocabulary, "What in the universe are possibly rambling on about now, Number VIII?"

Axel jumped a little. "Vexen! D-Do you even have the license to do something like this?" exclaimed Axel.

Vexen gave off an evil chuckle. "Most likely, no," he said, sticking his tall priest's hat over his grey-blonde hair. "But I have always aspired to take part in an event like this; a day that science will remember!" He chuckled again.

Zexion crossed his arms. "But of course, only you would take part in something so…so absurdly grotesque!"

Zexion and Vexen didn't notice, but all the guests had gone completely silent.

Vexen rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Ignorant Ienzo; you never did comprehend the philosophies of scientific knowledge," he spat.

Zexion narrowed his gaze. "Comprehension?" he said, his voice very low and quiet. "Pfft, I don't need comprehension to know that you never loved me!" His voice wavered, but his tone rose loud and strong.

"Oh no, he didn't!" shouted Jasmine. The audience mumbled quietly to themselves.

Vexen stood up straighter, and threw his hat to the ground. "Love? Ha!" he threw back his head and laughed. "Love ceases to exist in the glorious field of science! Saying you want love, is like saying you do not wish to be a scientist at all!"

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" the whole audience started to chant. Axel desperately waved his arms at the audience, hoping they would stop making it worse.

At the crowd's encouragement, Zexion summoned his Lexicon, his face a deep shade of red. "Ha! Like you would know anything about love, you old sac of saggy skin!"

Axel took the liberty of stepping in between the two of them. "Guys," he said slowly and calmly. "This is no time to—WHAAAAA!"

Vexen summoned his Shield, and used it to shove Axel halfway across the room. He put himself out in front of Zexion's reach. "Come at me! Come at me!" he shouted like a loon.

"RRAAAAAHHHHH!"

"AAAAHHHHH!"

"Gentlemen!"

The whole audience plus Axel, (who was smooshed against the stone wall) turned to the back of the room.

Luxord stood in the doorway, a look of deep disappointment on his face. He marched across the silent room, all eyes on him, and paused in front of Zexion and Vexen, who were in a pile on the floor.

He shook his head. "How DARE you!" he said to Zexion and Vexen. He turned to the rest of the guests. "How DARE all of you!" he shouted. The room remained dead silent.

He threw down his deck of cards. "I've...done a lot of thinking lately," he said. "And I've come to realize: We're all just veritable maelstroms of avarice! The only people we really care about are ourselves!" He paused for affect.

Everyone in the audience turned to each other, and nodded their heads in agreement. "He's right, you know!" shouted Cinderella's Fairy Godmother. The people around her mumbled softly to each other, debating the woman's words.

Luxord rose up his hand, and the guests went silent once more. "But," he spoke. "I believe that as the chosen leaders and contributors of all worlds, we have the ability to change that!" he shouted, raising his fist.

Everyone around him cheered. He continued, "And why not start today?" he shouted. "This is Demyx's day, and who are we to change that voluntarily? Let us give him our full support, attention, and spirit!"

The crowd stopped cheering. Luxord cleared his throat. "Or, at least we could refrain from beating each other up!" he shouted.

The crowd roared. Riku ripped off his blindfold, and used it to mop away his tears. "T-That was beautiful, Luxord," he said, blowing his nose.

Axel ran his fingers through his hair. "Gee, Luxord," he said. "You should stay sober more often."

Luxord didn't hear him. "And later," he shouted, "we can all come to my place and have a good drink!" The crowd cheered even louder.

Axel nodded his head. "Okaaay, then," he mumbled to himself. Luxord walked turned, and glanced down at Zexion and Vexen, who were still in the same position they were in two minutes ago.

Zexion sighed, and let go of Vexen's hair. Vexen groaned, and stopped chewing on Zexion's leg. Even though they weren't pounding each other to a pulp, they glared at each other throughout the entire wedding.

Which is coming up in my next chapter.

So keep reading, all you followers!

...and sorry for not updating in a REALLY long time...I've been lazy.

Why I am not putting this in an author's note, I have no clue. Yeah. Bye now.


	10. The Wedding, Part 3

**Okay, so I lied...the wedding is going to be split into 3 parts. But only because I don't want my readers to become extremely bored! (Plus, a document more than 10 pages long makes it feel like homework :P)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, the various cultural wedding customs I feature in this story, Mock the Week's Hymn rendition of, "My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard" by Kelis, "Super bass" by Nicki Minaj, Final Fantasy VII, etc. **

* * *

><p>Five minutes had passed, but due to Demyx's veil issues (he <em>just couldn't<em> get it to frame his face properly!) the guests were forced to listen to a string of improvised hymns composed by Sebastian.

"Awright, man!" said the crab, lifting up his baton. "You my now go to page 256, where we will start Hymn Number 46, 'My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard,' ya?"

A random group of pubescent boys in red robes flipped to page 256 in their choir books, and began to sing.

_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yaaaarrd!_

_And they're like, whaaaatt! It's better than youurrrss!_

Axel and Zexion lay writhing on the floor, their hands covering their ears. "Make it stop!" screamed Zexion. "They've been at it for hours!"

Axel crawled over to Riku, who seemed to be perfectly fine with his ears exposed out in the open. "What is wrong with you?" exclaimed Axel.

Riku, who had arranged his blindfold so that it covered his ears instead of his eyes, didn't quite hear him. "What did you say?" he screamed loudly.

Axel winced at the volume, and then continued. "This music is terrible; how are you not dying?"

Riku smiled, and gave him a thumbs up. "I love you too, Axel!" he screamed loud enough so that everyone could hear.

Axel's eyes went wide as he cleared his throat, and slinked away from the crime scene.

A few minutes later, Sebastian cut off the chorus, and the group finished their song. As the entire group picked up their choir books and left, Zexion and Axel let their guard down, and took their hands away from their ears.

"Finally!" gasped Axel. Zexion nodded in agreement, but went pale as he heard what the crowd had to say about it.

"Encore! Encore! Encore!"

Axel gasped, and nearly choked on his own throat. He ran forward, and waved his arms at the audience. "No, no!" he shouted as he saw Sebastian set up the chorus again. "No, no, no..."

_This one's for the boys with the booooomin' syyyyystem!_

_Top down, AC with the cooooolin' syyyyyysem!_

_When he come to the club, he be blaaaaaazin' up!_

_Got staaaaaacks on the deck like he saaaaavin' up!_

Axel dove down to the floor, his hands back on his ears. "Oh, no..." he groaned. "Not Super base!" He rolled around on the floor, hoping it would stop.

Zexion crawled up to one of the stained-glass windows in the church, and put his hands together in a prayer.

"Please, oh beloved Kingdom Hearts! I beg you to make the bad, bad music go away! I'll do anything you say, ANYTHING!"

Suddenly, a gigantic shark shot up from the floor right under Sebastian and his chorus, swallowed them in one giant gulp, and sank back down again into who-knows-where.

Everyone went silent for a long time, until Zexion broke the silence by whistling in admiration. "Uhh, thanks?" he said curiously.

_**That wasn't Kingdom Hearts...mwahahaha...**_

Axel's jaw dropped as he looked up towards the ceiling. "Nice goin', Zexy! Now we have the forces of the universe on our side!"

_**On the contrary...**_

A smaller shark sprang up from below Zexion, and sank its teeth into his leg. "Yikes!" screamed Zexion. He summoned the Lexicon and swatted at the vicious sea creature.

_**I am on a side all my own. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!**_

As the mysterious voice disappeared, the doors swung open, and the organ music immediately started playing the classic tune, Here Comes the Bride.

Everyone quickly ran to their places as Deandra slowly started making her way down the aisle, a team of other walruses sluggishly following behind.

As soon as they reached the altar, Deandra and her "friends" exchanged some form of walrus hugging, and then her friends sat down in their seats in the front row.

The doors opened again, and Xemnas came leaping out, wearing a tank-top, and white flowing pants that could make Terra jealous. He jumped and twirled down the aisle, a basket of rose petals hanging around his arm. Every now and then, he would toss a few petals into the air, lightly blowing kisses to all the guests.

In short, the people who didn't know about the transplant, found out pretty quickly.

Behind him, Demyx slowly started making his way down the aisle, striding with remarkable ease with heels on. Roxas' arm was wrapped around him, while dragging him downwards with his intense short-osity.

As soon as they reached the others, Roxas ran to his reserved place next to Axel, while Demyx took his place facing Deandra.

But as Demyx turned, he couldn't help but notice tears running down Zexion's face. Demyx smiled with bliss, his own eyes filling up with tears. "Oh, Zexion," he said softly. "You look so happy for me!"

Zexion shook his head, more tears streaming down his face. He sniffed, "That's not why I'm crying."

They all looked down at Zexion's leg, which oddly resembled a shriveled-up stick of pepperoni with a baby shark flopping off the side, its teeth sunken into his flesh.

Demyx nodded awkwardly, and turned back around as Vexen began to say his holy, holy words.

"Dearly beloved," he said, "...and Zexion," he added under his breath. Zexion proceeded by sticking out his tongue.

Dearly Beloved immediately started playing throughout the entire room. Vexen cleared his throat. "We gather here to join this...umm, do you MIND?" he said, his eyebrows risen.

Xemnas quickly shut off the boom box in the back of the room, giving a weak smile of apology.

Vexen continued. "We gather here to join this walrus and this...well, the test results haven't quite come back yet, but for now we'll refer to him as a 'Nobody'..."

Demyx's mouth flew open in protest. "Hey-!"

"...in holy matrimony!" concluded Vexen. "If there is anyone who objects to this marriage, speak now, or forever hold onto your peace!"

Riku, who still had the blindfold over his ears, slowly reached his hand downwards.

Vexen's face went bright red. "I said PEACE! I did NOT say...oh, whatever..."

Riku smiled, and put up his hand. "No worries!" he screamed. "I already have some!"

Everyone glanced at Riku, and then simultaneously shook their heads. Nobody really wanted to know what Riku had heard.

Meanwhile, Axel and Zexion were desperately trying not to say any objections to the marriage. Axel, in fact, was concentrating so hard that beads of sweat dripped down his forehead. He looked at Zexion pleadingly, who returned his look.

They both nodded their heads in agreement, stood up tall against Vexen, opened their mouths, and—

Vexen nodded in approval. "Good," he said. "Then we can proceed."

They both groaned as their opportunity escaped them. They knew there was no turning back from here on out.

Vexen started up again. "We are here to celebrate the blissful and marvelous times and experiences, of not just the bride and groom, but of everyone here! The love and triumph; the hate and sacrifice; the vim and vigor..."

Vim and Vigor blasted across the church room, making everyone jump a little. Vexen slammed his book shut, and gave Xemnas the *NOT COOL DUDE!* glare. Xemnas turned off the music again, and folded his arms in his lap respectfully.

Vexen reopened his book and tried again for the who-knows-what-time. "In this realm, this sanctuary of light—"

_In you and I there's a new land_

_Angel's in flight_

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_My sanctuary, my sanctuary, yeah_

"WOULD YOU STOP IT WITH THE BOOM BOX!" screamed Vexen, only to realize that the boom box was not plugged in.

Everyone turned their heads up towards the ceiling, and saw Xemnas standing in one of the balcony seats, a microphone in his hand.

_Where fears and lies melt away_

_Music brings life_

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_What's left of me, what's left of me now?_

Suddenly, a random rope swung down right in front of Xemnas. Still singing while holding onto the microphone with one hand, he grabbed onto the rope, swung down about 30 feet, and landed with a light thump on the floor.

_I watch you fast asleep_

_All I fear means nothing!_

He slowly started walking down the aisle, smiling and pointing to all the guests as he sang, as if they were cheering him on.

_In you and I there's a new land_

_Angel's in flight_

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_My sanctuary, my sanctuary, yeah_

He bent down next to where Cloud Strife was sitting in one of the rows, cupped his hand under his chin, winked at him, and continued singing his song.

_Where fears and lies melt away_

Cloud reached into a pocket on the back of the seat in front of him, pulled out an emergency paper bag, and proceeded to violently vomit inside. Because in a church, the seats would totally have that.

_Music brings life_

_wonk uoy naht noitceffa erom deen I_

_What's left of me, what's left of me nowwwwww?_

Dragging out the last note dramatically, Xemnas walked up to the front row, tried sitting down in a seat while looking straight ahead (he ended up sitting on Lexaeus), and quietly shut the microphone off.

The whole room had been silent the entire time, just to give it that extra sense of awkwardness.

When Vexen did decide to speak again, it was practically in a hoarse whisper. "Umm, we will now proceed with the fitting of the rings," he said.

The rest of the guests sighed with comfort and relief, happy that the ceremony was continuing.

Vexen looked at the group up front. "Who here has the ring?" he asked.

Nobody spoke up. Confused, Demyx looked at Riku. "Uhh, Riku, don't you have the ring?" he asked quietly.

Riku's face went bright purple. "We did not!" he shouted. "It's just a stupid rumor!"

Everyone at the podium groaned. They all ripped the blindfold off of Riku's head and screamed at him, "THE RINGS!"

Riku's face lit up in realization. "Ohhhh..." he said. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a regular sized ring, fit for Demyx's finger. He handed it to Deandra.

Deandra carefully took the tiny ring in her flippers, and placed it on Demyx's ring-finger.

Vexen almost smiled, and then turned to Riku again. "And the other ring?" he said.

Riku nodded, and pulled at the large golden ring still wrapped around his waist.

It wouldn't come off.

Grunting a little bit, he gripped onto the sides firmly, took a deep breath in, and pulled again.

Still nothing.

Vexen glanced at him. "Is there a problem?" he asked disapprovingly.

Riku grunted and groaned some more, but shook his head. "Nope, no problems here," he said.

Axel and Zexion helped out by each grabbing a different part of the ring, and pulling up in the same direction. But the ring would not come off his waist.

Zexion clasped his hands underneath his chin. "Interesting," he mumbled. "The cold in this room must have affected the atoms in the gold ring, causing the molecular structure to shrink—"

"Does anybody have any soap on them?" asked Axel, who was obviously not listening to Zexion's words of intense scientific knowledge.

"Over here!" shouted a tiny voice. Jiminy Cricket came hopping down the aisle, dragging a long stick of butter behind him.

Axel bent down, and scooped up the stick of butter. Looking at the butter stick to the cricket, he took a chance and asked the essential question: "Why were you carrying around a stick of butter larger than yourself?"

Jiminy Cricket chuckled, but then went completely serious. His pupils expanded in his eyes, and he said softly, "It keeps me company when I'm feeling lonely." A creepy smile spread across his face.

Axel swallowed the urge to throw up, and cleared his throat. "Then, uhh, you wouldn't mind if we rubbed this on his pants, would you?"

Jiminy Cricket chuckled again. "Of course not!" he said, a twinkle in his eye. But the twinkle soon went away as he entered Psycho-mode again. He whispered, "He said some awful words to me..."

Axel nodded quickly. "'Kay, thanks!" he mumbled, dashing off in a different direction.

After some continuous butter rubbing, Axel and Zexion each grabbed a side of the ring as hard as they could, took a deep breath together, and started counting down.

"Three!"

"Two!"

"One!"

POP!

RIIIIIIP!

They both stood triumphantly with Deandra's large wedding band high in the air, Riku's pants hanging off the bottom like a flag waving in the wind.

Huffing all grumpy like, Riku yanked his pants off of the ring, and shoved the ring at Demyx, who then stuck it on Deandra's shiny flipper.

Zexion sighed with fatigue. "Are we done yet?" he gasped, hunched over with his hands resting on his knees.

Vexen waggled his finger in a creepy manner. "Not yet!" he said, slight excitement in his voice.

Demyx clapped his hands together. "Well," he started, not even waiting for Zexion to ask. "I thought it would be tons of fun if we tried out a whole bunch of different cultural and religious wedding traditions!"

Zexion's mouth dropped open, but before he could protest, Vexen started speaking again. "We'll start with the Jewish tradition first," he said.

Zexion groaned and threw his head back. "But we're not even Jewish!" he groaned. Everyone else ignored him.

Vexen looked around blindly. "Who has the glass goblets?" he asked.

Lexaeus sheepishly raised his hand. Everyone waited. Vexen frowned. "Well, where is it?" he asked.

Lexaeus sighed, shoved Xemnas off of his lap, reached under his butt, picked up two shattered glass goblets off of his chair, and handed them to Vexen.

Vexen sighed, and looked at the shattered pieces of glass in his hand. He looked back at Lexaeus. "You ...sat on them?" he asked slowly.

Lexaeus paused, and then nodded swiftly.

Vexen sighed again, and handed the glass over to Riku. Riku shuddered, and dropped the glass to the floor. "It's so warm," he whined.

Vexen turned back to his book. "Okay...how about we have the others do the old Agrabah tradition?" he asked.

Demyx turned to Axel, Zexion, and Riku and smiled. "That's you guys!" he shouted.

Axel turned his gaze from Demyx to Vexen. "What tradition?" he asked nervously.

Vexen reached behind the podium, and took out a large ceramic vase. "You break the vase, and depending on how many pieces it shatters into, that's how many happy years the bride and groom are going to have," explained Vexen.

Zexion's jaw dropped. "Well, why aren't you doing it, Oh High-and-Mighty Priest?" he asked sarcastically.

Vexen pulled a nail file out of his pocket and began trimming down his pinkie nail. "Nonsense, I'm not stupid enough to volunteer at humiliation! But good luck!" He couldn't help but chuckle evilly.

Axel waved his hand in the air. "Pfft, that's nothing!" he said. He picked up the vase by the opening (he could barely even lift it off the ground), brought it high into the air, and slammed it down to the ground as hard as he could.

BANG!

The vase didn't even crack as it practically bounced back off the hard floor, making a loud ringing noise as a large vibration was sent through Axel's head.

He fell back, unconscious. Zexion leaned down. "Axel? Axel!" he shouted. Axel did not stir.

Zexion nearly burst into tears. "No, this can't be happening!" he shouted. He threw his head back towards the imaginary sky. "Don't leave me to endure the pain and awkward of this evening alone!" he shouted.

Everyone stared at him. Realizing that he had just made a scene that would pop up on Youtube in a few moments, Zexion got up off the floor, brushed himself off, and straightened himself out.

Riku examined the vase by prodding and poking at it. Using his senses, he touched it, pressed his ear to the side, sniffed it, and was about to lick it but didn't.

Finally, he took a different blindfold out of his pocket, (this one had pretty polka-dots on it), wrapped it across his eyes, took out a random baseball bat, and got in a ready position.

Zexion realized what he was trying to do, and tried to stop disaster. "Umm, Riku, I really think you shouldn't—"

"RRAAAAHHHHH!"

"Oh, Kingdom Hearts!"

Everyone surrounding him ducked as Riku began to swing at the air with his baseball bat. He brought down curtains, broke chairs in half; and he even managed to knock down the podium which Vexen was crouching behind, making him crawl away while screaming like a small girl.

Zexion ducked down just as Riku swung in his direction, but the baby shark still biting on his leg was not so fortunate. It flew across the room, out the window, and probably landed in some saltwater pond outside, since the author does not want to be too cruel to animals.

Zexion put his hands to his leg, and sighed with relief. "I'm free!" he shouted. He jumped up and started doing a little dance. "I'm free, I'm free. I'm—"

WHAM!

"AAAAAHHHH!"

THOINK!

Riku swung his bat into Zexion's butt, sending him flying into the ceramic vase they were attempting to smash in the first place, his head getting stuck inside.

"Aw, phooey..." muttered Zexion before going unconscious.

All the noise and racket even woke up Axel, who slowly started to peel himself up off the floor. "Whuz goin' on?" he said groggily. He turned his head just in time to see everyone either hiding or unconscious, before Riku took him out again.

Eventually, Riku realized that he wasn't getting anywhere, and he took his blindfold off to see the progress he made.

Basically, Vexen was having an episode in the corner of the room, Axel was lying unconscious on the floor, Zexion was lying unconscious on the floor with a large vase over his head, and the rest of the guests were ducking under their chairs.

Oh, and their still wasn't one scratch on the ceramic vase.

Vexen snapped back to present time and straightened his hat. He walked over to the podium as calmly as he could (the podium was split down the middle), took out his book, and said, "How about we do the old Coliseum wedding tradition?"

Everyone on the floor groaned. Zexion stumbled back up, the vase on his head making him wobble. "What is it this time?" he asked, exasperated.

Vexen snapped his fingers, and two basins of chocobo milk appeared on the floor. Axel stared at the basins with wide eyes. "How did you...?"

"An experiment gone horribly wrong, and that's all you need to know," said Vexen. He peered into his book again. "According to ancient Coliseum traditions, you would wash the groom's and bride's feet in chocobo milk to symbolize purification before marriage," he said, smiling more and more as he read what horrifying deeds they had to accomplish.

Axel's eye twitched. "Y-You want us to what?" he asked, hoping he heard wrong.

In response, the basins were thrown in front of him, while Demyx started taking off his shoes.

Axel looked at Demyx's foot and let out a small scream of sheer terror. "OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh!"

Demyx freaked out. "What's wrong?" he cried.

Axel shuddered. "What is that-that THING on your foot?" he winced.

Demyx looked at his foot. "Ohhhhhh..." he said. He went silent for a really long time. "...You know, I don't really know what that is," he said, pondering. "But if you see any allergic reactions, let me know!"

Riku took that as his cue to get going. He quietly started to tiptoe out of the room, but Axel grabbed him by his leg and yanked him down beside him.

Zexion couldn't help but chuckle; his vase-head prevented him from going through this kind of torture.

Vexen turned to him and smiled wickedly. "Oh, I didn't forget about you!" he said, shaking his head.

Under the vase, Zexion's lips spread into a horrified gasp. He shook his ceramic head. "Oh, no," he said.

In response, Vexen place his fingers in his mouth and let out a clear whistle. The doors came open again, only this time a large yellow chocobo trotted in.

Vexen stroked the bird's head with pleasure. "Her name is Choey," said Vexen. Choey squawked in response, her head swiveling in all directions in order to take in the scenery.

Vexen then pulled over a stool and placed it beside her. Zexion, who couldn't see anything but could tell what was going on, backed away.

Vexen wouldn't take no as an answer. He got up from behind Zexion, grabbed him by the shoulders, and sat him down on the stool. He patted him on the shoulder. "Have fun," he said, chuckling as he walked away to go read a magazine while he waited.

Zexion shakily reached his hand out to touch the chocobo. "Uhh, hi there," he said tentatively.

As soon as his hand reached her soft downy side, she let out an EXTREMELY loud squawk, and punched him in the vase with her foot.

"Yow!" screamed Zexion, the ringing in his ears too much to bear. He pressed his hands to the sides of the jug, and cried, "What am I supposed to do?"

Vexen flipped to the next page of his Star magazine, searching for the article on this year's, "Sexiest Man Alive." He shrugged. "Just feel around," he said. "You'll find them eventually!"

So for the next hour, Axel and Riku spent their time scrubbing and polishing Demyx's and Deandra's feet (or flippers) with filthy chocobo milk, which they couldn't replace with fresh chocobo milk because Zexion kept getting punched in the face while trying to find Choey's "milking accessories."

Finally, Demyx lifted up his foot and held it up to the light. It practically sparkled like crystals. "Yup!" he said contently. "This is perfect!"

Axel and Riku groaned and fell back at the same time. Axel burst into tears. "My hands smell like feet and rotten chocobo milk!" he whined, burying his face into the ground.

Riku curled himself into a ball and rocked back and forth in continuous motion. "I feel so cold," he shuddered. "So very, very cold..."

Vexen tossed his magazine back up into the air, and clapped his hands together. "So, who's ready for the next custom?" he asked way too enthusiastically.

Axel closed his eyes, and sighed. "And what, is that?" he asked, anticipating the worst.

Vexen opened up his other priest-y book. "In old Enchanted Dominion wedding traditions, all the men at the wedding are supposed to kiss the bride on the lips, in order to make the groom jealous!"

Axel's eyes cracked open. He may have been anticipating the worst, but this was way too much. He got up off the floor without a word, picked up Riku's baseball bat up off of the ground, and slowly approached Vexen.

Vexen backed away a few steps, laughing nervously. "W-Why aren't you wearing a blindfold, huh Axel?"

Axel did not reply. Instead, he started walking towards him a little faster.

Vexen backed up against a wall, and put his hands in front of his face. "Okay, okay, okay!" he screamed for mercy. "We're done! We don't have to do any more of the cultural traditions if you don't want to!"

Axel growled, and then lowered the baseball bat. Vexen got up and brushed himself off. "All you had to do was ask, sheesh..." he mumbled under his breath.

Mumbling some more to himself, Vexen walked back over to the podium, straightened his hat, and gave everyone the signal to rise.

All of the guests rose, while Demyx and Deandra joined together in front of the priest.

Vexen sighed at the decreasing level of interestingness, but said the words anyway. "Do you, Demyx, take Deandra to be your lawfully wedded wife; in sickness and in health; till global warming do you part?"

Demyx gave off a disgusting cheeky smile. "I do," he said.

Vexen then turned to Deandra. "And do you, Deandra A.J. Wanda Wilson Millicent Jane Hillary Junior Senior, take Demyx, to be your lawfully wedded husband; in sickness and in health; till you most likely eat him do you part?"

"ARARRAR!" roared Deandra.

Vexen sighed again. "Then, by the power science vested in me, I now pronounce you, husband and wife." He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a handful of rice. He threw it in their faced unenthusiastically. "Yaaaaaayyy..." he muttered.

The whole audience applauded as Demyx reached over to give Deandra a big fat whiskery kiss.

But then the lights went out.

Screams of fright and terror were heard throughout the entire room:

"Deandra? Deandra, where are you?"

"Who turned out the lights?"

"Hey, guys! I found them!"

"WARRRRK!"

"Hold me!"

"Where's my buttery companion when I need hi—?"

"Eeeww, I think I stepped on something!"

"Who's there?"

"Why's the rum gone?"

The lights flashed back on again.

As the room was filled with light once more, Choey violently started pecking Zexion's head after he most certainly did not touch her "milking accessories;" Hades realized he had stepped on some sort of bug; Aqua realized that Terra was clinging onto her face with fear; and Luxord realized that the rum was gone.

And everyone realized that their materia was gone.

Everyone freaked out all at once.

"Where's my materia?"

"Who took it?"

"It was here a second ago!"

"Well, I guess this was the wrong day to cover my naked body with materia!"

"What do you—Ewww! Put some clothes on, weirdo!"

"Deandra!"

Everyone turned to see the groom standing alone at the altar. Meaning, Deandra wasn't there.

Demyx panicked. "Deandra?" he called. He quickly dropped everything and ran outside, with Axel, Zexion, Choey (who was pecking on Zexion), and Riku following close behind.

Demyx reached the bottom of the church steps, and froze when he saw what looked like a pile of blubber on the ground.

He picked it up, examining it closely. It had started to pour outside, making it slippery to hold.

Zexion scrunched up his face. "A s-suit?" he exclaimed.

VROOOM!

They all turned towards the sound of a car engine starting. Yuffie Kisaragi was running towards her car, while carrying a large bag of stolen materia over her shoulder.

She turned, smiled, and waved teasingly. "So long, suckahs!" she cried, jumping into the car and driving away.

Demyx and the others stood there for a long time, the rain making their hair and clothes stick, realizing that they had been doped.

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><p><strong>FINALLY done with all the wedding chapters! (Although we will dwell a little on the awkward and lonely reception that will be taking place XD)<strong>

**Anyways, I thank all the people who are still reading this, and the people who haven't given up on me yet! (Fingers crossed!)**

**Please R/R, and tell me what you think!**


	11. Axel Sings and Demyx Gets a PickMeUp!

**Thank you for all of your lovely reviews! (And I hope you had a Happy ChristmaHannuKwanzaDan! Feel free to check out my new Christmas story, Uncle Riku's Christmas Tales! ….NO! I am not advertising!)**

**Anyways…I can't help but notice that many of my reviewers (*cough**cough* Rikuobession; *cough**cough* Misunderstood Marvex) have been leaving me awesome challenges that…challenge. (And I love them all SO MUCH! …sorry, was that too creepy?)**

**So, I have decided to create a challenge of my own: If this story receives 100 reviews, I will personally put one request from each reviewer into the story!**

**Rules: 1. They do not all have to be in by the next chapter, so DON'T PANIC! 2. I will only count REAL reviews, not blank reviews or reviews that just say something like, "hi". (So far, you have all been giving me real reviews, XD) 3. You may change your request any time before we reach 100 reviews, but each reviewer only gets one request! Also, they have to be in proper format, so I'll know what you want me to put in. (For example, "I want you to put in…") 4. They have to be…somewhat clean. T rated and under, if you get what I'm saying.**

**Hope you enjoy the challenge! I'll be cheering you all on!**

**Disclaimers: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Disney, Final Fantasy, Last Friday Night by Katy Perry, Marry the Night by Lady Gaga, Domino by Jessie J., or anything I put in here, really. (But maybe I did in a past life, huh?)**

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><p>The group sat in the reception hall, alone now that the bride had stolen their possessions, and the guests had gotten bored and left.<p>

Demyx sniffed and blew his nose into his handkerchief once again. "How could she just…leave me like that?" he asked.

Zexion twirled the spoon in his hand and shrugged. "Because…she's materia obsessed?" he said.

"Not Yuffie," said Demyx, his lower lip trembling. "D-D-Deandra!" he cried, bursting into tears. He slumped his head down against the table, heaving and choking on his own tears.

Zexion backed away slightly, realizing that Demyx had gone completely nuts. Meanwhile, Axel and Roxas were seated at a different table, involved in a heated debate that could determine the fate of all fangirl kind.

Roxas put his hands together in a sign of prayer. "Please, please, please, pleeeeeeease?" he whined, leaning across the table.

Axel crossed his arms and looked Roxas straight in the eye. "No," he said sternly.

Roxas put on his cutesy face. "But you promised you would sing—"

"I said," said Axel, his face darkening, "no." This was probably the first time in history that Axel had stood up to that face. Big moment in history, indeed.

Roxas sighed. "Fine," he said. He got up from the table, and walked sadly out of the room and towards the bathroom, dragging his feet the whole way there.

He paused once he stepped out of the room, and smiled. But it wasn't a goody-goody smile he usually had on; it was a smile of pure cunning evil, one that even Sephiroth couldn't pull off.

He snuck into the supply closet and locked the door behind him. He turned on a flashlight and peered into the darkness. "Do you have the potion?" he asked.

The other person in the closet chuckled wickedly. "Yes," he said. "I had it prepared specially for this very occasion."

"Good," said Roxas. "Mmmhmmmhmmm…"

"Heheheheheheee…"

"Mwahahahaha…."

"MwahahaHAHA!"

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"MWAHAHAHA—that'll be 500 munny, to be exact!"

"MWAHAHA—HUH? Vexen, you can't be serious!" Roxas' jaw flew open wide.

Vexen hugged the potion to his chest protectively. "Of course I am! This is made with real tonberry scales and unicorn hair!"

Roxas put on a disgusted face. "Where did YOU find unicorn hair?" he asked, knowing that you could only get such material from really sketchy places, like Halloween Town.

Vexen sniffed. "Wouldn't you like to know," he said.

Roxas sighed. "Well," he said. "I really don't have that kind of munny, so I guess I'll just have to…HYAAAAAHHHH!"

He summoned his keyblade, thwacked Vexen in the stomach, stole the potion from his pocket, chained him to a fire extinguisher, and sealed the lock with his weapon.

"Hey, wait a sec, you can't just—"

_SLAM!_

Roxas shut the door behind him, and walked smoothly back to the reception room like nothing had happened.

"Here," he said to Axel. "I feel really badly about our little argument, so I made this especially for you." He presented the potion.

Axel's eyes got wide with excitement. "Aw, thanks!" he said, putting his hand to the space where his heart was supposed to be. "What is it?"

"It's a potion that will enhance your good looks and personality," said Roxas, gushing at him.

Axel tore the cork off of the bottle. "Well, enhancing good looks never hurt," he said. He tipped his head back and dumped all of the bottles contents down his throat.

Roxas clapped his hands together. "Perfect!" he whispered.

Axel choked as he finished the suspicious liquid. "Ugh," he shuddered. "What is this?" He reached into his mouth and pulled out a curly blond chest hair.

Roxas jumped back in horror, his mouth gaping wide as he realized in agony that Vexen had lied about the unicorn hair. Frankly, he didn't even want to know what the "tonberry scales" were supposed to be.

Axel wiped his napkin across his tongue, and shuddered again. But suddenly, his bright green eyes changed to a sparkly pink color. "That's funny," he mumbled, raising his eyebrows.

Roxas, still preoccupied with the thought of the potion's contents, only half listened to what Axel had said. "What?"

Axel rubbed his head. "I have this strange urge to…sing!" He smiled, leaped up from his chair, and jumped onto the small stage at the front of the room. A microphone came out of nowhere and landed in his hand, cueing Axel's voice.

_There's a stranger in my bed,  
>There's a pounding in my head<br>Glitter all over the room  
>Pink flamingos in the pool<br>I smell like a minibar  
>DJ's passed out in the yard<br>Barbie's on the barbeque  
>There's a hickie or a bruise<br>Pictures of last night  
>Ended up online<br>I'm screwed  
>Oh well!<br>It's a blacked-out blur  
>But I'm pretty sure it ruled<br>Damn!  
><em>_Last Friday night!  
>Yeah we danced on tabletops<br>And we took too many shots  
>Think we kissed but I forgot<br>Last Friday night!_

Zexion watched on in a confused state of mind, Demyx continued to watch in a demented but happy state of mind, and Roxas watched with an evil state of mind.

"Aww," said Demyx, wiping away his tears. "He's singing at the reception! Like he promised!"

Zexion swallowed. "I had a nightmare like this once," he whispered. "Hopefully, this is the only—"

"HEY!"

Zexion turned and saw Vexen marching towards them, his hair flying in all directions and spit flying everywhere. "The nerve!" he screamed.

Zexion covered his head with his hands, slowly sinking below the table. "Yup, it's all over now," he said. "Goodbye, cruel, ironic world…."

Roxas had already pulled up a chair, chuckling and giggling the whole time. He sighed. "I love you, cruel, ironic world," he said blissfully.

By now, Axel had finished that song and had gone on to another one. He dimmed the lights, and his coat suddenly became red, sparkly, and somewhat transparent. (Meaning, it showed WAY more than anyone in the room every wanted to see.) He ran his hands up and down his side passionately as he began to sing.

_I'm gonna marry the night  
>I won't give up on my life<br>I'm a warrior queen  
>Live passionately tonight!<br>I'm gonna marry the dark  
>Gonna make love to the stark<br>I'm a soldier to my own emptiness  
>I am a winner!<br>I'm gonna marry the night; I'm gonna marry the night; I'm gonna marry the night  
>I'm gonna marry the night!<br>I'm not gonna cry anymore!  
>I'm gonna marry the night!<br>Leave nothing on these streets to explore!_

Unfortunately for Zexion, he had just made the mental decision to face the world again right when Axel started shaking his hips like a real woman.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!" He fell to the ground once more, horrifying images racing through his mind.

Even Roxas was regretting his decision to sit so close to the stage. "Ummmm," he stuttered, trying to shield his eyes.

Demyx was the only one not going insane from Axel's performance. In fact, it made him a little sad. He took a photo of him and his bride out of his pocket and sighed as he looked at it longingly, tracing the lines with his fingers. "Deandra," he said softly. "You used to love this song…"

Roxas couldn't help but notice that Demyx had broken down into tears again. He leaped up out of his chair as he got hit in the head with an idea. "Come on," he said. He opened up a Dark Corridor and pointed towards it. "I know something that will cheer you right up!"

Zexion pulled himself back into consciousness. "Yesss!" he screamed happily. "FREEDOM!" He cartwheeled and leaped through the portal, laughing and singing as he left.

Roxas was about to step through himself, when he realized he was forgetting something. "Hey, where's Riku?" he said.

*RIKU'S PERSPECTIVE TIME!*

_Warrrk! Warrrrk! _

"Ow! Ow! Nice bird—Ow!" Riku struggled to get Choey into her Chocobo stable while she continuously pecked him on the head.

*RIKU'S PERSPECTIVE ENDS!*

"Ohhh," said Roxas, remembering now. He whistled out the door. "Hey, Riku!" he shouted. "C'mon, man! We're leaving!"

Riku stumbled in with torn clothes and bruises all over his body. "S'up, fellahs," he said groggily.

He turned, gasped, and covered his head as Choey ran up from behind him. She was just about to run him through angrily (that Chocobo had _issues…_) when she stopped, perked up her feathers and flared her nostrils as she realized that Zexion was only a little less than a mile away from her, and charged through the Dark Corridors without Riku.

Axel, completely oblivious to all the movement going on below him, continued to sing the next song.

_I'm feeling sexy and free!_

"Axel," said Roxas.

_Like glitter's raining on me!_

"Axel!" called Roxas once more.

_You're like a shot of pure gold!_

"AXEL!"

"Wha-?" Axel snapped back to reality.

"Come on! We're going to go cheer up Demyx!"

Axel gasped, and started hopping up and down excitedly. "Are we going to Selphie's Sangrias?" he asked hopefully.

Roxas nodded. Axel jumped off of the stage (still wearing his exposing purple sparkly thing), and ran through the darkness towards Selphie's Sangrias…also known as "the exclusive nightclub at Destiny Islands".

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><p><strong>I know, I know, short chapter. I planned on writing further, and describing their experience at Selphie's Sangrias, but I decided to make this chapter mostly about Axel singing instead :)<strong>

**Btw, I believe Sangria is an alcoholic drink…I think….**

**Hope you liked this short chapter! Please R/R!**


	12. Sangrias, Speed Dating, and Walmart!

**Thank you, my loyal reviewers, for fulfilling your duties! (By what, you say? Why, by reviewing, of course!)  
>I have gotten loads of...interesting (XD) requests, and I hope I receive a lot more (no rush, no rush!)<strong>

**Disclaimers: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Square Enix, sangrias, or any of the Disney characters that I feature in this chapter. **

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><p>A few minutes later, the gang arrived at Destiny Islands, right in front of the nightclubbar entrance.

Riku whistled as he examined the line ahead of them. "How popular is this place?" he breathed.

The line seemed to stretch on for at least 60 feet, starting at the end of the dock, wrapping around the perimeter of the building and coming to a stop at the entrance. At the front of the line was a scary-looking man with a large sword who was letting people in.

"No problem," said Roxas. "We can just distract them by having Axel sing some more. Right, Axel? Axel?"

Axel lay asleep on the ground, his mouth wide open and his tongue flopped onto the sand. Roxas brought out the empty potion bottle and read the description:

WARNING: PRODUCT MAY CAUSE HIGH FEVERS, INTENSE VOMITING, LOW SELF ESTEEM, CANNIBALISM, MOOD SWINGS, VENGEFUL THOUGHTS, DELUSIONS, MUTATIONS, TALKING IN THE THIRD PERSON, PANCREATIC EXPLOSIONS, AND DEATH. IN MOST SEVERE CASES, DROWSINESS MAY OCCUR. CONSULT VEXEN TO SEE IF THIS PRODUCT IS RIGHT FOR YOU. DOES NOT ACTUALLY CONTAIN UNICORN HAIR.

Roxas scowled. "Well, that would've been nice to know before I GAVE IT TO HIM!"

Zexion took the bottle and read the description. "Most extraordinary," he said. "That liquid is like a bomb just waiting to go off." He passed the bottle over to Riku.

Riku read the label, and gasped. "No," he mumbled. He went down on his knees, and screamed at the sky, "AXEL! WHYYYYY!" He crawled over and put his hand to Axel's chest. He let out a small sob. "I-I can't feel a heartbeat," he said.

Axel stirred in his sleep, opened his right eye just a bit and glanced at Riku. "I'm not dead, you idiot!" he hissed. He closed his eye and went back to sleep.

In front of them, Kairi's Grandmother just happened to notice Axel lying on the ground. "Oh my," she said. "Is he alright?"

Zexion cleared his throat and put his hands on his hips like a man. "Uh, yeah, he just needs some...water," he said.

The woman hopped out of line. "Well, by all means, go right on ahead," she said. As she walked to her new place behind them, she stroked Axel's forehead. "The poor dear." She leaned forward slightly and puckered her lips a little.

Roxas pulled him away suspiciously. "Not gonna happen, lady," he said defensively, raising his eyebrows.

The old woman shrugged and continued past them, but not before blowing a kiss to Demyx, who was too busy sulking to notice.

Riku, Roxas, and Zexion all smiled deviously to each other as the same plan formed in each of their heads. Together, they began to lift Axel off the ground by his arms and legs, and bring him forward to the next person in front of them.

"Wow," said Riku. "He barely weighs anything."

"What do you expect from an anorexic?" said Zexion, rolling his eyes at the stupidity of others.

The trio then commenced their plan as the people in front of them continued to feel sorry for their half-dead friend and allow them pass ahead.

"Demyx!" shouted Riku. "Could you help us out a little?" Axel was not particularly heavy, but after carrying his leg over your shoulder for a few minutes it started to ache.

Demyx shook his head sadly. "I can't," he sobbed. "It's like when I went to the Black Eyes Peas concert and went crowd surfing with D-D-Deandra!" He put his head in his hands and cried harder.

The gang reached the entrance a few minutes later, with Axel in their arms and Demyx dragging his feet behind them.

"Hey, Auron!" said Roxas to the guard blocking their way. He put up his hand in a high-five greeting. "How's it going, man?"

Auron didn't flinch from his stone stare. "Names, please," he growled, tapping the clipboard in his hands.

Roxas gasped. "A-Auron, you know us!" he said, waving his hand towards his friends behind him. "It's me, Roxas! Remember, we met in my past life?"

Auron's eyes went wide as he started to remember. "Oh yeah!" he said, smiling. "You were that kid I met in Hell, right? The one with the dog and the duck and the giant key thing—"

"Yup, that was me!" said Roxas proudly, jabbing his thumb into his chest.

Auron laughed and threw the clipboard up into the air. "Of course you're on the list! Come right on in!" He unclipped the red velvet rope across the door, and let them pass. But not before noticing Axel slumped over them.

"Hey," he said, pointing to Axel. "What's up with him?"

"Uh..." Roxas' eyes darted all over the place while he tried to think of an excuse. "...Bieber Fever?"

Auron's mouth opened wide. He nodded his head. "Gotcha," he said. "I'm sure Tifa will fix him one of her special drinks for that." With that, he led them through without any other fuss.

Riku let out a sigh of relief as they passed through the doors. "That's a relief," he said. "I thought for sure he was gonna notice we're not eighteen." Indeed, the only person in the group who was actually qualified to drink was Axel and Demyx.

"Hold it!" screamed a voice behind them.

Riku winced and slowly turned to face Auron, who was looking pretty angry. "Y-Yes?" he whimpered.

Auron suddenly smiled and took out Riku's blindfold. "You dropped this on your way in," he said, handing it to him.

Riku smiled nervously; sweat still pouring down his face. "Th-Th-Thank you," he whispered. He quickly ran back to the others as they squeezed passed the people on the dance floor, crept upstairs, and took a seat at the bar.

Riku took a seat next to Zexion and wiped his hands on his pants to get rid of the perspiration. "So, who's Tifa?" he asked.

"Hi guys," said Tifa, jumping up from behind the counter. She bent her long legs as she reached down to find a cloth to clean the glass in her hand, reached over her own breasts (which was kinda hard to do), and began to wipe the wine glass.

Riku, in realization that this was her, cleared his throat. "Good," he croaked, his voice cracking like an awkward teenager.

Tifa looked worriedly at Axel, who had his head pressed against the counter, his nose squishing into his face. "Is he okay?" she asked.

"Y-Yeah!" spoke up Zexion, maybe a little too loud. "All he needs is a little more breast...REST! I SAID REST! HE NEEDS A LITTLE MORE REST!" He sighed and pressed his own head against the counter, feeling ashamed of his ability to talk to women.

Roxas unlocked the awkward chain that had wrapped around them and held out some munny. "Hey, Tifa," he said casually. "Could I please have two Bloody Maries, with sprigs of mint on top?" he asked politely.

Tifa stared at Zexion a little while longer, but shrugged, accepted the change, and began mixing.

Riku's jaw dropped as he watched Roxas deal with ladies better than they could. "Make that three, please," he said, not taking his eyes off the blondie.

"Certainly," said Tifa. She raised her eyebrows towards Zexion. "And what does he want?" she asked suspiciously.

"Vodka!" Zexion groaned, his voice muffled. "A lot of Vodka!"

Roxas noticed Riku staring at him so intensely. "What?" he said confused.

Riku reached across Zexion and grabbed Roxas by the shoulders. "How did you do THAT?" he hissed, not wanting Tifa to overhear.

"What, ask for a drink...?"

"Sssshhhhhh!" snapped Riku. He pointed to Tifa.

"Ohhhhh..." said Roxas, nodding his head. Tifa turned around annoyingly, but continued her work. Roxas shrugged. "I'm not really…interested in girls yet."

"You're WHAT?" Riku cried. Even Zexion sat up straight when he heard that sentence.

Tifa handed them their drinks with flourish, while not forgetting to spit in Zexion's before giving it to him.

"Gurgurgur…" Axel slowly rubbed his eyes and lifted his head just a little. "Whur em I?" he asked, his speech gurgled by his lack of awake-ness (awakeness?).

Just then, Selphie approached, wearing a MANAGER tag pinned to her usual yellow dress that was way too short in many different ways and directions. "Good evening, everyone!" she chirped, her reddish-brown hair bobbing up and down.

She froze as her gaze became fixed on Axel. "What's wrong with him?" she asked, frowning.

"He's just a little drunk, right Axel?" said Zexion, giving him a pat on the back. Axel slid off the side of his chair and smashed his face against the hard wood floor without getting up.

Laughing nervously, Zexion dragged Axel back up into his chair and secured him there, so that he wouldn't fall again.

Selphie rolled her eyes. "Just make sure that he doesn't do anything illegal. It will ruin my reputation." Even though no one thought very highly of her anyways, they all nodded, and proceeded to take full responsibility of Axel.

Axel lifted his head a little harder. "Could I have a drink, please?" he asked Tifa in his weird voice.

Zexion slid over his spit-filled drink. "Take mine," he said sadly. Axel shrugged and chugged. (Hehehe rhymes!)

Roxas gave Demyx a manly pat on the shoulder. "You having a good time yet?" he asked.

Demyx, who had remained silent the whole time by looking at pictures of Deandra in his wallet, shook his head. "It's the end of the road!" he wailed.

Riku, who had been laser-staring at Roxas for the past ten minutes, sprang into action. He leapt up onto his stool and shouted, "Can I have everyone's attention?"

Everyone in the club stopped drinking, dancing, and talking and just stared at the five of them.

"We're about to have a Speed Dating Competition right here, right now!" he shouted. "Ten munny

Demyx almost smiled. "Well, that sounds like fun," he said, somewhat enthusiastic.

Riku pointed downwards towards Demyx. "And he's the other date!"

"Huh?" Demyx nearly shot out of his chair, he was so surprised. "But I thought….but you said….I don't wanna…..huh?"

Hundreds of girls were already lining up right in front of his chair. Roxas chuckled evilly. "Perfect," he whispered. "Riku can't possibly want the munny, and with this much profit, I could buy a second castle all for myself…"

Riku rang the random cowbell he had stored in his pants (you could probably store A LOT in his pants! Just look how poofy they are!) and shouted, "Let the games begin!"

The first girl in line sat down opposite from Demyx and smiled. "Hi," she said. "My name is Belle."

Demyx looked into her kind brown eyes and passionate smile, and almost forgot about the "Deandra case" completely. He smiled back. "Hi, I'm Demyx." He looked at the conversation card that was given to him. "Uh…what are your favorite hobbies?"

Belle crossed her legs, her eyes bright with enthusiasm. "I love books," she said happily. "Mystery, romance, adventure, comedy, drama, fantasy—I just love them all!"

Demyx frowned and shifted around in his seat at the very mention of reading. "Do you like swimming?" he asked, hopes high.

Belle scrunched her eyebrows together, confused. "Swimming? Oh no, that would get my books wet!"

Demyx slouched in his chair. He sighed and looked down at the second part of the conversation card. "Okay…what turns you on?"

Belle thought for a moment, then jumped in her seat a little as she gave a conclusion. "Hair!" she cried. "Lots and lots of hair! Oh! And big, pointy teeth too!"

Riku, knowing that this conversation had gone downhill, rang the bell again. "Next!" he shouted, shoving Belle out of her seat.

A woman in a magnificent ball gown that sparkled like diamonds took her place. "Hi," she said, seemingly out of breath. "I'm….whoo….Cinderella." She glanced behind her worriedly.

Demyx looked at her, confused. "Do you want a glass of water, or something…?"

"Oh no," she said, "I'm fine!" She reached down, took off her shoe (she was only wearing one), set it down on the counter, and started rubbing her feet, occasionally checking behind her again and again.

Demyx stared at her shoe in wonder. "Is that made of…glass?"

Cinderella nodded, finally able to catch her breath. "My fairy godmother had them specially made for me, but they kill!"

Demyx nodded distantly, fully content with the conclusion that this woman was nuts. "Your fairy godmother…"

"There she is!"

Demyx glanced behind Cinderella and saw a crazy-looking man with a black beard and a sash, and a whole army of royal guards tailing behind him. "Come back!" they shouted.

"Crap!" squeaked Cinderella. She quickly put her shoe back on and bolted from the room, smashing through a window as she continued on her escape route.

The Grand Duke and the rest of the army chased after. "We just need you to try it on!" shouted the Grand Duke, holding out the other glass slipper. "It is very important that I ask every maiden in the kingdom!"

The whole club went silent for a few minutes as everyone just pondered what had just happened, but the silence was quickly broken when Riku clanked the cowbell once more, signaling for the line to move along.

The next contestant sat down; a beautiful young woman with skin as white as milk, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony. "Hello there," she said in an extremely annoying chirpy voice. "My name's Snow White. What's yours?"

Demyx smiled at her presentation. "I'm Demyx," he said. He finally tossed the conversation cards and went with just plain flirting. "Cute manners you have there," he said, leaning in closer. "It reminds me of my mother; she was an amazing woman, as I'm sure you are too."

Riku nodded, impressed by his different but effective approach.

Snow White giggled. "That's funny," she said. She stopped giggling, and just stared at him, her smile plastered to her face as if it didn't deserve to be there. "My mother's trying to kill me," she said, not flinching.

Demyx cleared his throat and scooted back two inches. "That's….unusual," he said, trying to quickly change the subject. He raised his eyebrows. "I guess a better question would be…what kind of place do you have?"

Snow White finally started moving her face again and smiled. "Well, since you asked, I live in a cottage in the middle of a forest about ten miles from civilization, and with seven little men."

As if on cue, all seven of the dwarves popped up from behind her stool and crowded around them, their faces red and cheery. "Hi-ho!" they all cried at the exact same time.

Demyx nearly fell out of his chair. "You LIVE with seven other men?" he said, trying to imagine a possible scenario where this wouldn't be somewhat inappropriate and wrong.

Bashful's face turned bright red with…bashfulness. "Aw…" he said. "I didn't know Snow White had a boyfriend!"

Grumpy hopped onto Demyx's lap and pressed his face up so close to his that their noses were touching. He poked the Nobody's forehead. "I dunno," he said, sneering. "He's probably just the Evil Queen in disguise!"

The other dwarfs looked at each other as they processed this new idea.

"You know what, he's probably right!"

"Yeah!"

"Let's get him!"

"Guys…?" said Demyx nervously. "Hey, there's no need to pick up that baseball bat—whoa, whoa, WHOA!"

All of the seven dwarfs jumped on him at the same time, punching and hitting all his "vulnerable places."

Meanwhile, while Riku was considering whether or not to ring the cowbell and end their session, Axel was slowly starting to feel and act normal again.

He rubbed his face blearily and groaned. "Ugh…why do I have this weird vision of me singing 'Marry the Night' in a sparkling purple gown?" he asked.

Roxas looked down at his hands guiltily. "Because," he said, "I gave you this." He took out Vexen's funky potion bottle and handed it to him. "I really wanted to hear you sing at the reception, but you didn't want to sing, so I…"

Axel stared at the empty bottle, horrified. "So, what you're saying is…that ACTUALLY HAPPENED?"

Zexion and Roxas nodded slowly.

Axel's face suddenly transformed from completely mortified, to angry. He glared at the bottle, his jaw set in scary concentration.

Zexion, who was personally extremely interested in ancient Scandinavian torture, leaned in close. "What are you going to do to him?" he whispered, almost not feeling sorry for Roxas.

Roxas' jaw dropped wide open as he glared at Zexion.

Axel shook his head and didn't take his eyes off of the bottle. "Nothing," he said, his voice monotonous and frightening. "He's too cute to die."

And then he started to laugh. It started out as a low chuckle, barely even a whisper, but then it eventually got louder and louder until he was doing full-fledged villainous laughter. It was so creepy, in fact, that I can't even type it up; there are no letters on the keyboard that can describe the vowels he used.

Zexion followed his eyes and gasped as he realized that the pyro was staring at Vexen's signature on the label. "Don't do it," he cautioned him.

Roxas saw too and held onto his chair for support. "Oh no!" he cried, grabbing the bottle from Axel's hands and pointing to the side-effects label. "Not the 'vengeful thoughts'!"

On the other side of the bar, Riku had just finished prying the last dwarf off of Demyx's coat and had continued on with the speed dates.

A pretty young woman with darker skin and long black hair sat down. "Hi," she said. "I'm Jasmine."

Demyx, who had just been football-tackled to the ground by seven small men, rubbed his aching head and sighed. "Hello Jasmine," he said. "My name's Demyx."

He glanced around the room, trying to think of something to talk about. "So...do you have any pets?"

Jasmine smiled sweetly. "Oh yes," she said. "There's my pet goldfish, whom I call Goldie; my pet lizard, whom I call Scaley; and—oh! How could I forget my cat, Rajah—"

"Oh, well that's very—GAAAHHH!"

As if on cue, a giant tiger leapt up from behind Jasmine's stool and began clawing at Demyx's face like a new toy.

Axel continued to scheme behind him. "Yes, that's right...potion...I'll make him...and tights...oh man...I am good..."

Zexion tried clapping his hands in front of Axel's face, but he couldn't bring him back. "We're losing him!" he shouted.

Roxas took Axel by the shoulders and began shaking him back and forth. "Axel!" he said. "Vexen will kill you if play some kind of prank on him! He'll tear out your organs one by one!" But Axel refused to listen.

Once Riku was able to lure Rajah away from Demyx's face with cat food, he rang the bell, and the next date came up and took a seat in the chair.

Demyx gently rubbed his face with anti-bacterial cream and winced at the pain. "Hello," he said to whoever was sitting in the chair. "My name's Demyx. What's your…oh my Kingdom Hearts…"

Demyx glanced upwards and noticed that his speed date was some sort of giant whale-man hybrid with beady eyes and a black and red cyber suit. "Umm…hi—"

"My name is Gantu from the Galactic Federations," said Whale-man abruptly. "I'm in pursuit of Experiment 626. Where is he?"

Demyx licked his lips nervously, and searched for his words. This was all very sudden. "Uh, well, you see…I don't know what you're talking about…"

"I know you have him!" shouted Gantu, suddenly whipping a ray gun out of his pocket and pointing it at him.

Demyx covered his face with his hands. "We can settle this like proper gentlemen!" he screamed frantically, his life flashing before his eyes.

As if on cue, a tiny blue alien jumped out from behind Gantu's chair and clobbered Demyx face, then jumped out the window.

"There you are!" shouted Gantu, running after him and smashing a hole in the wall on his way out.

Axel opened up a dark corridor and got up from his chair. "I'm gonna go pick up a few supplies," he said, grinning evilly. "See ya guys later!"

"After him!" screamed Zexion, running after Axel through the darkness. Roxas whistled to Riku and Demyx to follow as well, and then they all ran after the vengeful pyro.

_In a Walmart Somewhere…._

The four of them burst through the entrance and looked around frantically. Zexion whipped his head this way and that. "Where is he?" he screamed.

Suddenly, a small person with noticeably round ears and a black Organization XIII coat jumped in front of them, his face facing the other direction. "Listen," he whispered mysteriously. "You have to get out of town. The train knows the way."

Zexion scrunched up his face in confusion. "Train? What are you talking about, there is no...HUH?"

As if by magic, a giant hard-to-miss purple train appeared in from of them. It almost seemed to glisten on the golden tracks that ran all the way around the store. But the spookiest part about it was that there wasn't a conductor in sight. It seemed to drive itself.

Roxas pumped his fist in the air. "Yay! I've never been on a train before!" he cried, jumping inside. Demyx and Riku, even though they had no idea of what was going on in the first place, followed soon after him.

Zexion just stood and stared at the train. "There's a train...in the middle...of Walmart," he breathed slowly. He realized that the people walking through the store didn't even seem to notice the train sitting there in the middle of the isles. "Umm, why can't they—" He turned around to ask the person who had guided them to the vehicle in the first place, but he had disappeared.

Zexion shrugged and jumped onto the train, somehow giving it the signal for it to start moving. He took a seat in between Demyx and Riku and watched Roxas stare out the door window.

Roxas leaned against the door sadly, watching the scenery of isles and isles of snacks, detergent, towels, pet food, and other daily necessities pass him by. "You know," he said. "I'm sad."

Zexion looked at him, puzzled. "Why?" he said, pushing a strand of silver hair over his face.

Roxas sighed. "They were having a sale on Garnier Fructis shampoo today, and I don't think I'll be able to buy any."

Riku smiled. "Don't worry," he said, following his cheer-up-Sora instinct. "We can come back and visit all the Bath and Body isles again."

Roxas smiled and nodded, but still felt unsure. As the train hit a bump in the tracks (probably ran over some innocent customer, who knows...), Roxas felt something thump around in his pocket. He reached his hand inside and pulled out a spherical, sparkling blue crystal.

Riku stared at him curiously, and reached into his own pocket and pulled out a green crystal. Zexion and Demyx did the same, pulling out red and yellow crystals.

They each held their crystals up to the light for a moment, rainbows forming all over the floor and walls.

Demyx cleared his throat and stuffed his crystal back in his pocket. "This is weird," he said outright.

Everyone else quickly nodded in agreement and stuffed their crystals back in their own pockets. And so, they continued to sit in silence as they waited for the train to take them to their revenge-obsessed friend.

_To be continued..._

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><p><strong>Sorry it took me a while to publish that, but...well, it took me a while. Thank you so much for all of your ideas and reviews! (Thanks especially to mockingjay-lawliet-paramore for giving me the entire BASIS for this chapter and the next one after that! You're awesome!)<strong>

**I know some of you are probably thinking, "Ugh, why isn't there more Demyx cheering-up-ing?" Well, my answer for you would be this: his healing will be a gradual one, meaning that you will have to wait until the next chapter for him to be completely okay again. In my personal opinion, I think the speed-dating thing was good for the laughs. :D**

**Please R/R, and don't forget to submit your idea for the 100 Review Challenge!**


	13. A Brief Love Story

There's something special about the bond between a man and his car, or in this case, a mouse and his gummi-ship. This is a brief chapter about that love story.

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><p>All seemed peaceful at Disney Castle when King Mickey returned from his extended week of training with Master Yen Sid.<p>

"Welcome home, your highness," his chauffer said automatically as he opened the carriage door for his royal highness. He would have taken a gummi-ship, of course, but carriages made a much bigger impression on the general public.

King Mickey nodded his head and stepped out into the sunlight, the fur on his large, black ears moving gently with the morning breeze. He picked up a flower and raised it to his shiny nose, breathing it in until a thin coat of pollen covered his muzzle. It was good to be home.

As he entered the castle grounds, the king, however, couldn't help but notice that things weren't exactly flowing in their usual order of things. In fact, he hadn't ran into anyone since his driver drove away.

He literally thought he'd go nuts when he suddenly saw the Royal Magician, Donald Duck, passing through the garden.

"Hey, Donald, how's it—"

"Waaaaaaaahhh!" Donald screamed, throwing his wand up into the air and running as fast as he could out of there.

King Mickey stood stunned for a good two minutes. Donald only ran screaming like that when something was really up.

The king frowned, and continued his journey towards the front doors of the palace, where two guards stood watching. "You there!" he shouted to the guard on the left.

"Y-Y-Yes, you're Royal Highness?" stammered Robbie Rooster, his feathers molting in his nervous state.

"Where is everybody?" King Mickey said, taking another step closer.

Robbie's knees began to shake. "Well, um…you see…they all…uhhh…how should I put this…"

"They all went to play fruitball!" Carl Cow butted in, forcing a casual smile on his face as he too, tried to hide his nerves.

The king narrowed his eyes. "Today's Wednesday," he said, "there is no fruitball on Wednesday."

The rooster began breathing fast. "O-Oh, it is? Hehehe….uhhh…QUICK CARL! HE'S ONTO US!" he suddenly screamed, throwing his sword against the ground and booking it across the royal grounds, Carl following suit.

Again, the king stood silent as he processed the felony that just occurred. Then he growled, pushed the doors open himself, and marched down the hallway towards this study. Even his enchanted brooms seemed to avoid his route as they danced with their buckets of water.

King Mickey shoved the doors to his study wide open—only to find Daisy flopped over on his desk, her chest heaving as she let out a loud sob that made Pluto duck under the bookshelves.

"Wha—What are you doing in here?" the king cried out. Today had been pretty out of the ordinary so far, but this was just ridiculous.

Daisy raised her head. "Oh gawd, now I'm gonna get it!" she wailed, slamming her head back against his desk and sending papers flying all over the place.

The king ignored his urge to correct her improper grammar, but decided that wasn't the important matter of the moment. "Going to get what?" he said calmly.

Daisy raised her head once more, and stopped her crying just for a second. "The queen's gone," she cried bluntly, her eyes puffy and red.

King Mickey cocked his head to the side. "Gone…out shopping?"

Daisy shook her head, and burst into tears again as she attempted to explain the whole thing. "Everything was going fine until two guys showed up in black coats claiming to be administrators from the Administration of Barn Animal Rights and Liberties but it turns out they were frauds and they stole the Royal gummi-ship and as if that weren't bad enough we couldn't find Queen Minnie anywhere until we realized, poof!" She hiccupped and flailed out her arms to show some sort of explosion. "They took her."

The king's heart froze as her words hit his obscenely large ears. All those cool summer nights, together, under the stars…

"Th-They took…the gummi-ship?" he nearly choked, his knees going weak beneath him.

Daisy squeaked and nodded, awaiting her punishment.

King Mickey shook his head as he refused to accept the truth. "No," he murmured. He turned towards the door. "Noooo!" he screamed, running out of the room and heading towards the gummi-ship garage.

He entered the musty, dark room and called out, "Chip! Dale!" He rushed forward, and tripped on the long, descending staircase until he fell to the ground at the bottom. He stretched out his hand towards the spot where his baby used to sit, but all that was left was a cold, empty place not only in the room.

In his heart.

He felt whatever strength he had left failing him, but he dug his other gloved hand into his trouser pocket and took out his Royal Walkie-Talkie. "Get me the Royal Squat Team, on the double," he groaned.

_Sir, the Royal Squat Team has been on vacation in Atlantica for several weeks now._

The king sighed, but smiled as an idea suddenly dawned upon him. He raised the speaker to his lips once more. "Then we're just going to have to send someone else, then," he said.

_But you're Highness; we don't have any other members of the Royal Society to send—_

"Don't worry," replied King Mickey, the grin spreading farther across his face. "I've got someone else in mind.


	14. FOR HONOR! And a Gumball Machine!

**A/N: …I know what this looks like…but let me explain: I wanted to write a chapter that was based off of an idea given to me by mockingjay-lawliet-paramore, but then I got to thinking; I just wrote TWO OTHER CHAPTERS containing characters singing popular tunes for our generation. And…well, this isn't a songfic, so why keep doing that? **

**Therefore, being the captain of this _fine_ vessel, I steered this story in A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DIRECTION! Hope you will still enjoy reading this!**

**Disclaimer: Me no own Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Disney, Square Enix, any of the crusty old guys at Square (I'm kidding, I'm kidding…), etc. **

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><p>The train slowly pulled to a stop right outside of the Cosmetics aisle at the very back of the store. From a spectator's point of view, it looked as if four sketchy guys in black coats stumbled out of a still-moving train, tripped over each other until they just looked like a jumbled ball of people, straightened themselves out, fixed their hair at lightning-fast speed, ran like total loons into the makeup department, and jumped some poor guy with wild red hair. In actuality…yeah, that's basically how it happened.<p>

"There he is!" screamed Zexion, who was sitting in the set closest to the train's exit. The four of them all sat up at once, but Riku was the one who made it out the door first. He burst out the hatch and skidded to a halt as he glanced downwards and gasped in horror. "Huh, it's a good thing I noticed that my shoes were untied. Some other idiot would have tripped and gotten themselves in an accident," he said to himself, bending down to tie his shoelaces.

The other three squeezed out the exit at the same time, slamming into Riku with such force that all their hoods and zippers got caught within each other and pressed them all together into a giant ball.

Roxas batted them all away with the Keyblade and freed himself first, heading towards the red-headed pyro. Pretty soon, the others were free as well, and heading in for the kill.

"Aku!" shouted Roxas adoringly, giving him a big hug.

Axel blushed at being called his embarrassing nickname in public, but screamed like a woman as the others rushed forward and tackled him to the ground.

Zexion jumped up and gave Roxas a fist-bump once Demyx and Riku had secured the target, meaning they tied Axel to a coupon dispenser. "Nice distraction, Roxas!" Zexion said like an army general. He handed Roxas 50 munny.

Axel squirmed in his prison. "Wha—Hey, Roxas!" he cried, watching his best friend deceive him.

Roxas chuckled evilly in response, but stopped breathing when he laid eyes on Axel's shopping cart. "OH. MY. ANSEM," he breathed, setting his gaze on the children's seat at the front of the cart. He jumped, flipped over the handle of the vehicle, and plopped himself down on the hard, plastic seat. "Teehee…" he giggled, kicking his legs in excitement.

Zexion reached into Axel's back pocket, trying to find what he had already taken from the store. "Yikes! What're you doing?" screeched Axel, trying to shift away from Zexion's cold hands.

Zexion rolled his eyes and reached into Axel's boot. "I'm trying to find—aha!" He took his hand out and held a bottle of Shadow's Breath.

Demyx took the time out of his sadness to be confused. "Why would he need Shadow's Breath?" he asked.

Zexion narrowed his eyes. "Hmm…" he said, deep in thought. He suddenly ripped Axel's boot clean off his foot and shook it like crazy. "Shadow's Breath is a mixture that is only compatible with other mixtures of the same compound, usually making elixirs that affect someone's voice."

"Geek!" Axel coughed, averting his eyes as the others snickered.

Suddenly, hundreds of tiny bottles poured out of Axel's boot, all with their own colors and labels.

Zexion picked each of them up, examining their titles. "Wyvern's Wart? Eye of Neoshadow? Large Body Lard? This could only mean one thing…"

"Nerd!" Riku sneezed, pretending to be deeply interested in the makeup on sale as he felt the Cloaked Schemer's eyes bore into the back of his head.

Zexion went back to his conclusion as he paced up and down the aisle. "That means that you decided to get revenge on Vexen by making him go through the same experience as you only worse, meaning that you were going to use these potions and mixtures to form some sort of vocal-messing megalixir to make him sing some sort of embarrassing tune, hence the Lard, except you were probably planning to broadcast it on World-Wide television so that whenever he goes on a mission for the rest of his miserable life he will still hear the mocking laughter of friends, colleagues, and even strangers, correct?"

"Pfft, no dip, Sherlock!" Roxas scoffed.

This time, Zexion was sure he heard someone making fun of him, thus he whipped out his Lexicon, mumbled some magical mumbo-jumbo, and caused the young boy's mouth to zipper shut.

Demyx was now fully involved in the situation. "But wait, didn't he mumble something before about 'tights'?"

Axel pretended to look away. Zexion scrunched up his nose as he realized that someone was trying to out stage him, but paused as he realized that, now that Demyx mentioned it, he did say something about…

*FLASHBACK TIME!*

"So…do you have any pets?"

Jasmine smiled sweetly. "Oh yes," she said. "There's my pet goldfish, whom I call Goldie; my pet lizard, whom I call Scaley; and—oh! How could I forget my cat, Rajah—"

"Oh, well that's very—GAAAHHH!"

As if on cue, a giant tiger leapt up from behind Jasmine's stool and began clawing at Demyx's face like a new toy.

Axel continued to scheme behind him. "Yes, that's right…potion…I'll make him…and tights…oh man…I am good!"

Zexion tried clapping his hands in front of Axel's face, but he couldn't bring him back. "We're losing him!" he shouted.

*FLASHBACK ENDS!*

Everyone stared at Axel for a long moment. Axel pretended to whistle a completely non-related tune, his eyes looking down at his shoes.

Zexion grabbed the hem of Axel's coat and lifted it upwards, only to have everyone see Axel wearing a pair of pink tights, exactly like he said.

Riku cleared his throat. "…T-That's just disturbing…" he mumbled. When no one else responded, he turned to Zexion. "Zexion?"

Zexion's face was bright red. "I-I…um…I didn't think…sorry," he said briefly, dropping Axel's coat back where it belonged. Demyx was too busy being sad, and Roxas was too buys semi-spinning around in his seat, singing "Spinning spinning, round and round…"

After another prolonged silence, Axel snapped, "I couldn't find anywhere else to put them, okay?"

Suddenly, Axel's phone began to ring.

'_Cause when I'm kissing you my senses come alive_

_Almost like the puzzle piece I've been trying to find_

_Falls right into place, you're all that it takes_

_My doubts fade away when I'm kissing you…_

Zexion went as stiff as a board. "Please don't tell me that your phone is in your tights," he said.

Axel grinned. "Okay, my phone is not in my tights," he said, almost implying that it was. When Zexion's eye began to twitch, Axel shook his head vigorously, causing his phone to fly out of his mass of spiky red locks and hit Roxas in the nose. "Oh, sorry Roxy!" he cried.

"Mmph-mmphh!" Roxas replied, his voice muffled by the zipper over his lips.

As Zexion grabbed the phone to answer it, Riku put his hand to his chin. "Wait, I thought Zexion told me that you're ringtone was 'Simple and Clean'?"

Axel shrugged and shifted around a little. "I…switched from Verizon to Sprint, so…they changed the ringtones on me…" he mumbled, making it up as he went along. Silly Axel, everyone knows that Verizon is better than Sprint.

Zexion flipped open the phone and answered. "Hello?"

"_She's tearing the place apart!"_

Zexion's blood ran cold. "L-Larxene's on another one of her rampages?" he asked in a low voice so as not to attract any attention.

"_You'd think a sweet-looking girl like that wouldn't have a demon inside her…but she's a monster…"_

Zexion shrugged. "Well, that's Larxene for ya," he said casually.

"…_N-Not Larxene…someone else…"_

"…Who?" Zexion didn't know of any other women who knew how to enter the castle.

"…_Run and hide, Zexion. I won't be able to talk much longer…my time is running short as it is…"_

"Hey man, just take it easy! Just tell me who…"

"_XIGBAR!"_

"_Oh crap."_

…

"_Your call has been disconnected…"_

Zexion tossed the phone aside and untied Axel from his post. "We gotta go," he said, rushing to get Axel down from his perch.

Axel fell on his butt, his head hitting a makeup sample tray on the way down. "Yeesh," he winced, rubbing his aching everything. "What's the big idea?"

"Trouble at the castle," said Zexion. And that's all he had to say. The others swiftly nodded their heads and followed Zexion's lead as he rushed through a dark corridor.

Roxas squirmed around in his seat, but no matter how hard he tried he could not get his legs out of the leg holes. He pushed and he pulled. "Mmph-mmph!" he groaned. "Mmph-mmph!"

When the others continued walking on without him, Roxas sighed and leaned forward, causing the whole cart to move forward two inches.

Smiling at his sudden epiphany, Roxas shifted his weight forward, grunting and panting as he struggled to move forward. Only a few feet from the entrance of darkness, Roxas gave himself one final push, causing the whole cart to tip forward.

Thankfully though, the Organization didn't have to pay for any cart damage, considering Roxas' face broke…the fall.

_At the Castle That Never Was…._

Zexion, Axel, Demyx, and Riku appeared at their homebase a few moments afterwards, their footsteps being the only sound they heard in the usually bustling castle. …Okay, maybe it wasn't always bustling, but it was still eerily quiet.

Zexion strained his ears, but still he heard nothing. "Something's not quite right," he whispered.

The three of them inched forward simultaneously, creeping along so slow that they all jumped out of their socks when a hand suddenly sprang up from a loose floorboard, grabbed Demyx by the ankle, and pulled him under without a sound.

Demyx struggled to adjust his eyes to the dim lighting underneath the floor. "What the…?" he said, realizing that nine other faces were staring back at him.

"Gaah!" he cried, realizing that the whole rest of the Organization was hiding under here.

As if it weren't weird enough, Marluxia hung leis around his neck. Now he matched everyone else sitting down there. "Welcome," he said gently.

Demyx opened his mouth to say something, closed it, clenched his fists like he was going to yell, but didn't, and finally growled and said, "What are you guys doing down here?"

Xigbar lay curled up on the floor opposite him. He pressed his knees up against his chest. "Hiding," he grumbled.

Vexen nodded, his eyes holding a crazed glimmer. "They took everything away from us!" he glowered.

"We couldn't bare it any longer!" Lexaeus wailed.

"Who took what away from you?" cried Demyx, a little creeped out at this whole situation.

"_Yuffie_," they all chanted at the same time.

Demyx's heart stopped. It was Yuffie. The girl who dressed up as an arctic mammal, the girl who saved his life, the girl who shared his love for anything H2o, the girl who sipped wine with him while they listened to Michael Buble, the girl who agreed to spend the rest of her life with him, the girl who said "I do", the girl who lied about everything, the girl who broke his heart, the girl who…

"Okay, you really have to stop doing that," said Xaldin, staring at the strange, goofy-nostalgic look on Demyx's face.

After the others explained to Demyx what the heck was going on, Demyx went silent for a long time. Finally, he spoke up. "So, you're telling me that Yuffie came in here, claiming that she had 'marriage rights'?"

They all nodded.

"And then she had some muscly guy take all the furniture away?"

"She took away the fridge," whispered Lexaeus.

"And the pool table," squeaked Luxord.

"And the Xbox Live," moaned Xaldin.

Everyone turned towards him. "SHE DID?" they screamed.

Xaldin shook his head. "No, but she probably will," he said. The others groaned.

Demyx sat cross-legged, deep in thought. "But…you guys ALL HAVE WEAPONS!" he cried, throwing his arms up in the air. The rest of the Organization glanced at each other with looks of uncertainty.

"Yeah, umm…mine broke…"

"Yes, I have that thing…"

"Mine too…"

"It just…won't work…"

"Rust and all…"

Demyx shook his head, appalled at his fellow members' pathetic display of man-tude. He jumped up. "Look at you guys," he said, placing his hands in his hips. "We used to be the most frightening group of assassins in black coats in the entire world-space!"  
>Saix spoke up. "Um, that was because we were the only assassins in black coats in the entire…"<p>

"Look at us now!" Demyx cut him off. "That little girl from Wonderland could probably beat us up in the state we're in!"

The other members nodded, feeling a little more motivated by Demyx's speech of glory.

"WHO created an entire group of super-humans on the basis of knowledge?" Demyx shouted as he began to pace back and forth.

"…W-We did," the group half-mumbled.

"WHO created an entire world that can only be unlocked by a special gate?"

"We did!"

"WHO sought to harness Kingdom Heart's power in order to attain hearts of their very own?"

"We did!" they all shouted, Saix especially loud.

"And WHO stalked a teenage boy, lured him into Castle Oblivion, brainwashed him, created a copy of his nobody to suck out his memories, kidnapped his future-girlfriend, battled him one-on-one, slowly perished in smoky explosions, then miraculously came back to fulfill the same goal while forming public relations?"

"WE DID!"

"So are we just going to let this chick invade our castle and take our stuff?"

"NO!"

"Am I right, Xigbar?"

"Right on!"

"Right, Lexaeus?"

"Yeah!"

"Right, Xemnas?"

"…I hate you all."

"Exactly!" screamed Demyx, pumping his sitar into the air. "Now who's with me?"

In response, the entire rest of the Organization (minus Xemnas) raised their own weapons into the air and screamed their ultimate battle cry.

_Up on the Surface…._

Riku crawled across the floor, tapping at loose floorboards with his knuckle and pressing his ear against the tiles.

"I still cannot believe that you lost him," Axel said, his arms folded across his chest. Zexion smirked along with him.

Riku shook his head. "I could've sworn that I saw him get sucked under here," he pressed.

Zexion gave Axel a look, then sighed and sidled over to where Riku crouched. "Let me, you're just going to make a mess of things," he said harshly. He placed his own ear against the tiles and listened, surprised to hear a loud rumbling coming from below him.

Zexion sat up straight. "What the…?"

The entire Organization (led by Demyx) burst up out of the floor, their momentum and will so strong that the floor exploded, sending Zexion flying into a pillar.

The group paused for a moment to collect their bearings, and waited for their leader's signal to move forward.

"FOR HONOR!" Demyx screamed in a dramatically-false British accent, rushing forward. The rest of the Organization flew on behind him, their own screams echoing throughout the almost-vacant halls of their palace.

Axel and Riku pealed Zexion off the wall and ran after the mob in deep confusion, with Roxas rolling along behind them.

Demyx and the others raced up flights and flights of stairs until they reached the main lobby on the top floor and burst through the doorway.

Yuffie stood before them, twirling her large Fuma Shuriken in the air as she bossed her muscly assistant around.

"I want that sofa over there and I want that table over there—oh, and the gumball machine also," she demanded. Cloud just grunted and continued to carry everything.

Demyx cleared his throat loudly to catch her attention. "Ahem!"

Yuffie spun around and smiled wickedly. "Oh, hello dear," she said in a mocking tone.

Roxas wheeled up next to Demyx as the young musician gulped and forced himself to not look at the large pile of goodies that she had already claimed for herself. "I have a bone to pick with you right this very instant!" Demyx cried, slamming his fist down on the handlebars of Roxas' carriage.

The carriage flipped forward and shot the young boy out of the seat like a rocket, slamming right into Cloud and making the warrior lose his grip on the gumball machine, sending gumballs flying everywhere.

"Quick, men; grab as many gumballs as you can!" shouted Xemnas, pushing everyone else out onto the floor to collect the colorful, chewy orbs.

Yuffie rolled her eyes and turned back towards Cloud, who was standing upright once more. "I can take it from here, you can go," she said smoothly.

Cloud frowned and stretched his hand out for a payment, making Yuffie rummage through her pockets for the 200 munny she owed him.

"Thanks," Cloud murmured, then walked out the door.

~o~

Cloud strolled through the abandoned alleyways in Radiant Gardens, his hands dug deep in his pockets as he was deep in thought. He liked the alleyways; it gave him a sense of knowing that he was the king of his land, the "top dog" so to speak. And how he got from The World That Never Was to Radiant Gardens in the first place—you didn't need to know.

The coins that jingled in his pocket were only a reminder of the pain in his backside. He rubbed his aching buttocks and growled. He knew he wasn't going to be able to sit for a week, and it was all because of that stupid Organization kid with the spiky hair.

He stopped, and almost laughed to himself. That kid's hair might've been cool, but not nearly as cool as his own spiky locks. He ran his fingers through them, but stopped short as he almost felt a pair of eyes watching him.

He spun around, startled and bright red with embarrassment as he realized that there actually was someone standing behind him—a short guy with large round ears and another one of those dorky coats.

Cloud opened his mouth to speak, but halted when the mysterious figure shushed him quietly. The tiny man glanced around, making sure that they were the only ones. "I need your assistance," whispered the mouse-like figure.

Cloud tossed his hair to the side and turned his back to him. "No thanks, I've already got a job," he said bluntly. He began walking away.

"I'll make you a very generous offer," said the mystery person quickly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a large sack filled to the brim with money.

Cloud's eyes seemed to be drawn to the Royal Seal printed on the large sack in his hand. That was A LOT of munny, way more than that cheapskate ninja was paying him.

"And there's more where that came from, too," the mystery person continued, shaking the pouch like a treat.

Cloud's mouth began to water, and suddenly the change in his pocket seemed so little compared to what he thought of it earlier.

The tiny man put the sack away and reached out his hand. "So, do we have a deal?" he said, raising one eyebrow under the hood.

Cloud extended his own hand, but paused as he seriously considered the offer. He withdrew in the slightest. "What do I have to do?" he asked.

* * *

><p><strong>An abrupt ending, but a deserved abrupt ending, in my opinion. <strong>

**Please review, soooo sorry for the long wait; I assure you the next few chapters will be coming in more quickly!**

**(And I hope, mockingjay-lawliet-paramore, that you don't mind that I changed the plot! I think your ideas are awesome anyways!)**


	15. Saix Wants a Friendship Circle!

**WARNING: This chapter contains a reference to Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep. Some may call them "spoilers", but I prefer to call them "references" considering I don't want to dirty my mouth by using the "s" word. **

**Disclaimers: I don't own KH, Disney Princesses, or Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizards-Spock!**

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><p>Yuffie turned her attention back to the situation at hand, and folded her arms across her chest defiantly. "So…you said you wanted something?"<p>

Demyx raised his hand and pointed a finger at her (…nooo, not _that_ finger, the pointer-finger!) but felt his knees go weak beneath him as she continued to stare at him with her devil eyes.

"Ummm…"

~o~

_At Castle Oblivion…._

The Organization appeared at their second home base a few minutes later, carrying all their basic living supplies (sea-salt ice cream; hair gel; and the Superior's iPod, which held the Organization theme on it).

Zexion gave Demyx a pat on the shoulder. "For the record, I don't think you're a sissy for screaming like a woman, jumping out the window and subduing us to living in this blank, white, empty…" His voice trailed off. "Actually, I do kind of blame you. Sorry, bro."

Demyx nodded in understanding, but stopped short when he comprehended the first thing Zexion said. "Wait, I did not 'scream like a woman'! My screams happen to be very masculine, and strike fear into the hearts of any individual…"

Axel snickered as he walked past them. "Heh, you kidding? You sounded like you just found out One Direction broke up."

The Organization, being filled with a variety of men (and one woman) with a fetish for British boy-bands, all gasped in unison as the idea was brought forth.

Axel brought his hands up quickly. "Kidding, kidding, got it memorized?"

Vexen scoffed and slapped him brusquely across the face before walking away with the others.

The thirteen of them soon entered the main room on the top floor (the one from ReCoM, with the glowing glass ball in the center).

Xemnas, who had, until this moment, faced his situation with dignity and pride, slowly dragged his feet towards the only chair in the room (actually, the only chair in the entire castle), pulled it facing towards an empty corner, sat down, and began to weep continuously. But not before laying a clean, white, silky handkerchief over the chair's surface. Because even his Superior's butt deserves the best.

Saix, knowing that he probably couldn't fit squeeze on to the chair if he tried, began leading the group himself. "Group meeting, everyone," he shouted, leading them all to sit awkwardly around the large glass ball in the center of the room.

It was then that they really wished they had their old ridiculously tall chairs back.

Saix rested his hands on his lap with eternal grace and sighed. "Now, I know that this is a very trying time for everyone here, me especially. But this is no time to start breaking down, me especially, and—"

"I call exploring the upstairs!" Roxas shouted, jumping up out of his "seat and bolting out of the room.

"Hey, wha…you can't just…why…?" Saix opened his mouth in protest.

Zexion stood up as well, snapping his Lexicon shut with a loud THUMP for emphasis. "I too, will go explore the castle. I call the basement." And with that, he simply walked out of the room.

By then, it seemed as if all the group members wanted to go exploring some part of the castle in hopes of escaping their new leader's…"friendship circle", I guess you could call it.

"Oh, oh, can I go check out the basement as well?"  
>"I want to see the view from the tower!"<br>"Exploring suspicious hallways sounds fun!"

Saix slammed his fist down in a sudden fit of rage. "Enough!" he cried. "We are not going to check out the basement, or see the view, or explore hallways! We are going to sit here like good little Nobodies and HAVE A GODDAMN FRIENDSHIP CIRCLE!

That shut them up.

~o~

Roxas sauntered down—this might shock you—_another empty white hallway_ towards a large, precarious door painted a glossy shade of—hold onto your pants—_white_. Above the doorway was a sign that said CHAMBER OF WAKING in big _white_ letters.

Roxas, who had been taught from a young age (which was kind of recent considering he was born only, like, 2 years ago) to never go into a secret room without permission, went in anyways. The room he entered had walls covered in Keyblade Master symbols that all seemed to be facing a boy sleeping in a chair—

Roxas froze. If you happened not to be paying attention during the last paragraph, the author will repeat the statement once more: THERE WAS A BOY IN THE CHAIR.

The Keyblade wielder inched closer to the body and took a closer look. The sleeping boy looked almost identical to him; their eyes were the same shade of blue, they had the same face structure, and their hair was even parted on the same side.

Roxas poked the mysterious boy in the cheek. The boy stirred, but did not awake. "Aqua…Terra…" the boy murmured.

_Aqua? Terra? _thought Roxas. _Must be girls he knows. _(You were all thinking it, I just said it. Terra is an extremely feminine name.)

Roxas was just about to leave the sleeping boy alone, when he happened to spot something of interest: his pants.

It is a little unnoticed fact that Organization XIII members don't usually get to flaunt off their style below the waist due to the black coat that practically drags on the floor. So when Roxas saw that this boy had really cool-looking pants—c'mon, they're like capris, except poofier at some parts, and just plain awesome in others—he felt something he had never felt before: jealousy.

We all know that Roxas has a dark side that contrasts his cute moe-moe side. But this was different. It was like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, except the reverse opposite, for his heart _shrank_ two sizes too small.

To give you a mental picture, a small gray raincloud formed over his spiky, blond head. Sad, isn't it?

And so, Roxas whipped out his Keyblade, and did the only thing he could do…

~o~

Zexion exited the Dark Corridor and appeared in an only-slightly-less-dark room: the basement. But it was just as he put his foot down on the marble floor when he heard an all-too familiar voice.

"This place is absolutely perfect; perfect, even enough for the MISTRESS OF ALL EVIL!"

Zexion groaned and rubbed his temples as he saw that certain mistress standing only a few yards away. "Oh, jeez…" he muttered, rubbing even harder.

"Hey, Maleficent! You gotta try a lick outa this lollipop! It's delicious!" cried Pete.

"N-No, you bumbling idiot! That's my magical staff of ALL EVIL!"

Zexion, who had originally planned on making this room the new TV Room That Doesn't Entertain, made his presence known. "Hey, lady!" he shouted.

Maleficent's face turned a deeper shade of green than its natural shade. "You, how dare you disrespect the MISTRESS OF ALL EVIL!" She, of course, would have slammed down her staff in anger, but due to the cool glowy-sphere part in her partner's stomach, she only held a pathetic-looking stick. So she made due with just slamming her foot down instead. "Besides, we got here first!"

Zexion's mouth dropped wide open in protest. "B-But that's not fair! You guys got to take the Darkness Mobile!"

As if on cue, a deep plum-colored convertible with flashing cup-holders and a bumper sticker saying, "Join the Dark Side! We've got lemon squares!" appeared on a glowing platform in the far side of the room. Because who could resist the sweet, tangy, gooey goodness of a homemade lemon square?

Zexion continued. "The only way to solve this is to do things fair and square," he said, crossing his arms across his chest and staring her down.

Maleficent sneered at the idea. "I, the MISTRESS OF ALL EVIL, do not take orders from you!" she spat, but nevertheless, put her hands on her hips (Pfft…yeah right, like she has any!) and returned his stare.

The two went on like this for some time, only to be slightly interrupted by Pete's not-so-quiet chewing.

"Yellow!" Zexion finally shrieked, putting his finger to his nose at the same time.

"Blue!" screamed Maleficent, also placing her finger to the tip of her nose as fast as she could.

Pete stumbled in surprise and nearly choked on his snack. "Wha…What's going on?" he cried, suddenly very afraid. "If this is some sort of witchcraft I'm a getting' outta here!" And with that, the large dog…bear…dinosaur…purse…thing scrambled around the perimeter of the room, feeling around for an exit.

~o~

"Hi, my name is Lexaeus," grumbled the red-headed hulk.

"Hello, Lexaeus," the rest of the group droned simultaneously and monotonously. In the past few hours, Saix's Friendship Circle had almost completed a full clockwise rotation, if you include the few random Disney princesses who decided to join in on the bonding.

Snow White took a flower out of her basket and placed it in front of Lexaeus, as if encouraging him to tell more. "So, tell us more about yourself," she said cheerily.

Lexaeus took a deep breath and sat up straighter than before, in preparation for what he was about to announce. "It's been three weeks since I started the Jenny Craig program…"

"And…?" Snow White urged him on, her eyes growing more wild and eager by the second.

He took another deep breath. "And I've already lost 500 pounds!" he got out, smiling with pride.

"Oh!" cried Snow White, clapping her hands with joy. The other princesses and members clapped along with her. "That's almost ¼ of what you weigh in total!" she cried, tears pouring out of her eyes.

"Whaz happenen?" slurred Aurora, who had-no surprise here-fallen asleep.

"Alright then, who's next?" said Saix, passing along the Talking Stick to the next person. (The Talking Stick just so happened to be one of the legs of Xemnas' chair. Their Superior now lay sprawled in his sagging, handicapped piece of furniture, and not taking the least bit of notice.

Roxas burst in at that exact moment, out of breath and out of place. "Hey guys!" he whispered to Demyx as he squeezed in between him and Axel.

Axel slowly lifted off his sleeping cap and groaned. "How's a guy supposed to get any sleep around here when there's so much _sentiment_ in the room?" He said "sentiment" with a sneer. He gazed at Roxas suspiciously for a long time and then finally said, "Say, what's up with the guilty look on your face?" he said, taking a closer look into Roxas's eyes. "And what's that bundle hanging out of your pocket?"

Roxas shoved the bundle in his pocket back down and smiled sweetly. "Uhh…your birthday present!"

"Ohh…" sighed Axel with a grin on his face. "That was nice of you to remember…hey, wait a sec, my birthday was three months ago—"

"Say, where's Zexion?" asked Roxas quickly, shifting the subject.

Axel, suspecting nothing more, shrugged. "Dunno, haven't seen him in a while."

~o~

"Rock, paper, scissors, lizards, Spock!" they cried, presenting their draw. Both were sweaty, hot, and tired of trying to decide who called the basement.

Zexion held out scissors. "Ha! I win! Scissors beats paper; you lose!"

"What are you talking about, you half-wit?" cried Maleficent. "I, the MISTRESS OF ALL EVIL, would never choose something so despicable as paper!"

"Then what's that supposed to be?" cried Zexion, pointing to her flat, outstretched hand.

"This? This is darkness, see? It waves!" she said, wiggling her fingers.

"B-But darkness isn't a proper draw!" exclaimed Zexion, flabbergasted.

"Yes, yes there is! Of course, I wouldn't expect a mere mortal such as you to even be skilled enough to play Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizards-Spock-Darkness!"

Zexion put his hand down. "Then what does it beat?" he asked, since he was as curious as to what her answer would be.

"Everything, of course," Maleficent stated simply. Zexion sighed and performed such a graceful and excellent facepalm that fangirls around the world were screaming his name. No joke.

~o~

"Eh, who cares anyway?" stated Axel. Roxas agreed, and the three continued to sit through the rest of the circle without cares or worries.

*FORESHADOWING TIME!*

_Two RPGs Later…._

Aqua burst into the Chamber of Waking, her Keyblade already drawn and sweat pouring down her darkness-soaked body.

"Hahahaha! I'm free, I'm finally free!" she screamed giddily with a hungry yet slightly crazed look in her cerulean eyes. She ran over to one of her best friends to celebrate. "Ven, come on, wake up! I told you I'd come to wake you up when—HOLY LIGHT WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?"

* * *

><p><strong>Let this be an American Girl lesson to all of you: jealousy is a wicked thing that can be controlled with a calm mind, and a balanced breakfast!<strong>

**Sorry for the slow updates, I've been busy beyond belief! But please don't give up on me now, for I still have that fan-made chapter coming up! Read, Review, Subscribe, not necessarily in that order :3**


	16. Enter Vanitas!

**A/N: Terribly sorry for the LOOONG wait, but I was absolutely convinced that I was done with this story because I wasn't getting much reviews after my other…extremely…long…waits. But as extremely corny as it is, Final Fantasy XIII says that running away from those who care about you isn't love, it only hurts them more. :'(  
><strong>…**Not that I love you guys or anything, you know, just saying, hehehe….ahem!  
><strong>**So, grab your lifejacket, find a safe driver, turn off your oven and douse your broccoli in melted cheese because OWID is back, baby!  
><strong>**Disclaimers: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, I Can't Be Tamed by Miley Cyrus, Tax-Free Weekend, Bath and Body Works, Aeropostale, Ford, Subway, Maybelline Cosmetics, Victoria's Secret, Mario Kart, Wii, or Chuck E. Cheese.  
><strong>

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><p><em>At the Edge of Hollow Bastion…<em>

The warrior stands still, silent, watching.

Cloud pauses. He bends down, scoops up a handful of dirt, the earth crumbling in his palm. It was still fresh. They haven't gone far.

He looks down below him. Hollow Bastion. A small town, little people going on with their normal lives. He should know, he grew up there. But he would linger there no longer.

For he was on _their_ trail.

He stands up straight, turns, trips on untied shoelace, falls on face. Never stops tumbling, down, down the cliff.

He grinds to a halt, spits out mud. His spikey locks, covered in the substance.

But in the immortal words of one of his personal heroes, Miley Cyrus, "I can't be tamed."

No time to fix it. He was on their trail.

_At Bath and Body Works…._

"Hey Axel, do you think this lotion makes me smell delicious?"

The pyro had been haunted by those words ever since they had arrived at the tiny pink shop. He rolled his eyes. "Yes Roxas, it makes you smell yummy," he grumbled less-than-enthusiastically.

Roxas giggled with approval, and put the travel-sized pink bottle in the basket.

A small woman in a bright pink uniform bounced towards Axel. "Shopping for someone special today?" she bubbled, spinning in a circle.

He glared at her, but before he could make some kind of sarcastic remark ending with a catch phrase, Zexion approached. "Pardon me, madam," he said to the employee. "Would I find 'Dark Kiss' in 'the Sexies' or in 'the Cuddlies'?" He pointed to the two different sections of the store with morbid confusion.

"'Dark Kiss' would be in 'the Sexies' collection over there," she said, her ponytail flopping. She turned on her heels and grinned at Axel. "Though I think you'd be more of a 'Cuddly'…"

"Shut up," he grumbled. He was annoyed by her cheery attitude, embarrassed at being caught in the store by Seifer and the gang (earlier that day), and headachey from all the fumes.

Oh, and WHY was the gang suddenly at Bath and Body Works? Because it was Tax Free Weekend, of course! …Not that they actually paid taxes, it was just an excellent excuse to go shopping.

And, while the rest of the Organization was off traversing through Aeropostale, he had been stuck here, watching his friends slowly lose their manhood through sweet smelling hand lotions and spicy scented body sprays.

Roxas spilled his merchandise all over the front counter, a proud smile on his face. "C'mon Demyx!" he called.

A muffled reply came from the other side of the shop, and a few seconds later Demyx emerged from a high stack of shimmer bottles from the new Paris collection, toppling the neatly-placed pile and scaring the crap out of a group of teenage girls.

Axel shook his head and sighed with ease, leaning back against the window while he lazily twirled one of his Flaming Chakrams. He gazed over at Demyx's weak attempt to try and calm down the mob and smirked. "Look at him," he said to his babysitting partner. "Trying to get the ladies. We don't need to chase after those girls, the girls chase after us. After all, we're bachelors, out on the open road, smelling the gasoline and asphalt, eating ice cream...Right, Riku—RIKU?!" He looked over at where his partner was supposed to be sitting, and found an empty place.

"…An' I was all, 'I choose to take the road to dawn,' you know what I mean?" said Riku, his blindfold still over his eyes. Two ladies in extremely tight tops laughed at his remark.

Roxas and Demyx skipped over to where Axel was sitting with his arms crossed tightly across his chest, obscenities softly flying out of his mouth. "Aku, we're done!" Roxas cried, swinging his ginormous shopping bag back and forth. He suddenly paused as he heard a bit of what Axel was saying. "Riku's a what?" he gasped, never having heard that word in English before.

Axel quickly jumped off the window sill and smiled nervously. "Nothing! Nothing!" he babbled. "C'mon!" He grabbed Riku by the collar of his black coat and dragged him out the door along with the others. "Zexion!"

"Coming!" shouted Zexion. He was hunched over two bottles laid out on the floor, his eyes darting between them. "Hmmm…'Midnight Path', or 'Love, Love, Love'?" It was too much to process, even for him. One was so dark, so deep and rich and strong, yet the other was so light, fruity with the slightest hint of vanilla.

And so, in a sudden spur of indecisiveness, he grabbed them both and ran out the door.

Without paying.

"_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIINNNNG!"_

"_Halt, you in the black coat! You are under arrest for stealing…"_

"Agh!" the entire group jumped as the sirens blared throughout the mall.

"_If you put the merchandise back where you found it, you and your affiliates will be spared! This is your last warning…"_

Helicopters above flashed bright lights down on them like a spotlight, sirens still blaring. "What'd you do?" they shouted at Zexion.

"_If you do not surrender, we will have no choice but to dispatch TWTNW Black Ops! Dispatching…"_

Ninjas in black suits descended from the helicopters on black wires, surrounding the group.

Being an elite Organization with their own specialized weapons and abilities, surrender wasn't an option.

Screaming and running was.

That surprised Black Operations so much that it gave the five enough time to bolt all the way to the brand-spanking-new convertable exhibition in the middle of the mall. Thank goodness for senseless Ford dealerships.

"Hang on!" Roxas shouted, slamming the gas pedal down. (Don't ask how he started the car; this is a fictional story!)

The mobile suddenly lurched forward, knocking down poor ninjas and passerby that happened to be in their way.

"Look out!" Zexion screamed, pointing to the small Subway in front of them. Pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, avocado, ketchup, mustard, and any sauce you could imagine splattered all over them in a disgusting mess.

Avocado sprayed all over Riku's face, and in his hair. And since he was extremely allergic to avocado, it only took two seconds for his entire face to bloat up like a giant prune the size of a beach ball.

"My eyes! I can't see!" Roxas yelled as mustard shot right into his eyes. Under his blind confusion he swerved to the left.

"Aah!" shrieked Demyx, pointing to the Maybelline Cosmetics booth up ahead. Blush, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, lipstick, concealer, and everything else of that nature flew towards them all at once in a flurry of pink powder.

They all looked at themselves in the rearview mirror and screamed; their skin smooth and rid of complications; lips so full and red; their eyelids sparkling like a thousand suns…

"What the…?" cried Axel, pointing straight ahead towards Victoria's secret. Thongs, bikini bottoms, miracle bras, push-up bras, unlined full coverage bras, racerback bras, and any other bra type imaginable soared towards them.

They stared down at themselves and bawled; their signature black coats had been replaced by silky and somewhat-transparent lingerie.

"Ew!" cried Zexion. Kairi's Grandmother had been pulled right out of the dressing room—where she had been trying on a push-up bra—and plopped into his lap.

"I haven't had this much fun in years!" the old woman chirped as the car continued to damage public property. Zexion quickly shoved her out before she could protest.

Roxas finally managed to wipe the mustard out of his eyes, but too late. "Seriously?" he gulped, referring to the ramp exhibition—they happened to be flashing the brand-new Mega-Ramp 3000. What, doesn't your mall have a random ramp exhibition?—that loomed ahead.

_ZOOM!_

They were now flying like a bullet across the mall, the air whistling past their ears as they crashed through the glass doors, spun through the parking lot, and headed towards the highway.

~o~0~o~

"Does this make us delinquents?" Roxas sobbed, burying his head in the steering wheel. He was able to do that because, little known fact, Roxas was actually a pretty safe driver. Just not when his eyes are full of mustard.

"Meh Meh Meh!" groaned Riku, the swelling reaching all the way to his tongue.

"What?" they all said.

Riku shook his head and frowned, except his swollen cheeks blocked his mouth.

Demyx jumped up and rested his head against the front seat. "Hey, can I drive?" he said.

"NO!" they screamed, having all simultaneously gotten the same flashback of Demyx failing Mario Kart on Wii.

"Knew I should've gotten 'Sweat Pea,'" Zexion grumbled, staring at the stolen goods in his hands. The glare that he received immediately made him shut up after that.

Axel suddenly pointed to something outside. "Hey, is that Sora?" he said, pointing to a dark figure standing by the side of the road.

"Meh Meh?" Riku said excitedly.

The boy looked almost exactly like Sora, except his hair was a spiky black and his eyes were a shocking gold, like lightning. He also wore very gothic dark clothes, the exact opposite of the Keyblade Wielder.

Some might say he looked like a punk, while the other 99% just say dat boy is smokin'.

"It is Sora!" shouted Roxas, waving him over. "Sora, get in!" He pulled the car over next to the boy.

The boy looked confused. "Umm, who's Sora?" he questioned. "My name's Vanitas." His voice even sounded like Sora's, just a little deeper.

In any other circumstances Riku would have been able to tell right away that this boy was not Sora. But unlike other circumstances, his blindfold was stuck under the red puffy mass that was his face, so he couldn't see a damn thing. "Meh Meh!" he grinned, getting out of the car and getting ready to hug Vanitas.

Vanitas swerved out of the way. "Do I know you guys?" he asked helplessly. He pointed to Riku. "And is his face usually like that?" And then he fully realized the horror before him. "AND WHY ARE YOU ALL WEARING WOMEN'S LINGERIE?!" he screamed.

Instead of explaining the past three pages of the story, they thought up a better idea. "We're going to a party," Zexion said slowly. "A really…exotic party, at…"

Roxas piped up. "At the zoo!" he chirped. Not exactly logical, but it worked for them.

"You can come with us if you want, Sora," said Demyx, opening the car door and beckoning him to the backseat.

Vanitas stomped his foot in protest. "But I'm not…aw, whatever…" he grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets and heading towards the car. "Just my luck…get stuck with a bunch of hookers…and they're all guys…still need a ride to get home…" he muttered under his breath.

Once they all got situated inside, Axel finally spoke a real sentence. "Hey Sora, what were you doing on the side of the road, anyways?" he said, raising his eyebrows.

Vanitas—we'll call him "Van" because it takes way too long to type his full name—was too buys blushing furiously and looking down at the floor to correct his name. "Well…" he started, then stopped. "Hey, what's wrong with the sky?" he asked. The sky had begun to shimmer and blur.

Zexion waved his comment aside with the back of his hand. "That just means a flashback's about to happen, keep telling your story," he said, his face buried too deep in a book to even notice. By this time it's basically routine, so…

*FLASHBACK TIME!*

Van groaned as he slowly made his way up to the head manager of the mall, a grimace on his face.

"Hey," he said coolly. "I'm looking for a job around here. Got any openings?" he said, praying and hoping that there weren't. It wasn't his idea to get a job, it was his moms. And by "mom" I mean Master Xehanort.

And unfortunately for him, there just happened to be one opening left.

So about five minutes later Van was slouching behind the ticket counter of Chuck E. Cheese, wearing giant furry mouse paws on his hands.

"C'mon, I asked for my prize ten minutes ago!" screeched a pudgy little boy. Five other small children behind him nodded their heads in agreement.

Van gritted his teeth and tried to open the glass display case again, but his "mitts" prevented him from undoing the small lock.

All of the sudden a man in a giant mouse suit seemed to fall from the sky and land right next to the disgruntled employee. You guessed it; it was Chuck E. Cheese himself.

"Does someone have a case of the grumpies?" Chuck E. squeaked, placing one of his own furry paws down on the counter. More like "slammed" really; it was a rather large and bulky suit.

Van growled, but decided against his better nature to not swear at the giant talking mouse.

Chuck E. leaned forward until his furry face was just inches away from Van's. "You know, everyone feels sad sometimes," he piped.

"Sing him the birthday song!" cried one little girl. All the other kids jumped up and down with excitement.

Chuck E. let out a hearty laugh, slapping his paws against his protruding stomach. "Alright everybody, get on your feet and clap your hands!"

"Oh Kingdom Hearts," breathed Van, the dread already seeping in.

Chuck E. began to bounce up and down with a rhythm that could only be heard inside his own head. "I say happy, you say birthday," he cheered. "Happy…"

"Birthday!" the children cried.

Van dug his nails into his gloves so hard it ripped the fabric. His breathing came out rigid and rapid, his blood boiling. It is also a little known fact that Vanitas has extreme anger problems, and he will not hesitate to hurt anyone who causes these sudden outbursts.

"Now clap your hands," sang Chuck E., "and stomp your feet…"

"That's it!" Van screamed. He ripped off his gloves, summoned his Void Gear, leaped over the counter and began continuously beating the poor mouse's head.

"IT'S. NOT. MY. BIRTHDAY!" Van screeched.

"Hey, he's beating up Chuck E.!" one of the kids screamed. In a sprouting war cry the entire minor population of Chuck E. Cheese jumped onto Van to pry him off their favorite hero.

*FLASHBACK ENDS!*

Van lifted up his hoodie and shirt and pointed to the multiple scratches, scars, and bruises that covered his abdomen. "They wouldn't stop," he breathed gravely, a distant I'll-never-be-the-same-again-look on his face.

The boy received a moment of silence for his brave deed for the entire rest of the trip.

* * *

><p><strong>Might have ended kind of suddenly, but the group isn't out of the woods just yet!<strong>

**Thank you all for being so patient with me! I promise I'll do better!**

**Please review! It lets me know that you're still out there and it motivates me to write more, otherwise I'll have to stop writing the story because I won't think others are reading :'(**


	17. The Harem In Jail!

**A/N: Yay for getting back to you all at a reasonable time! It's almost as if I've taken some sort of mind laxative cuz all these ideas just keep a flowing!**

…**I'm sorry, did that just gross you all out? :S**

**Anyways, I disclaim this chapter cuz I don't own Kingdom Hearts, ****A Walk to Remember**** by Nicholas Sparks, **_**The Glee Project**_**, harmonicas, Mario Kart, iPods, or oven mitts! **

**Claimers: I own "moppy-do", so don't even THINK about taking it. Yes, that means you. O.O**

* * *

><p>Roxas pitifully clanked his keyblade against the iron bars of their prison cell and sighed after what seemed like 40 hours. "Help," he squeaked.<p>

Riku gave a fearful glance at the small toilet in the corner of the room and shook his head stubbornly. Okay, toilet is a bit of an exaggeration, it was more like a bucket, more specifically a bucket that had not been cleaned out since the last time someone had to use it.

"No," he said simply.

Zexion rolled his eyes and put down his novel _A Walk to Remember_ with some reluctance. "You're going whether you want to or not," he snapped. "Isn't your futile bladder what got us in this mess in the first place?"

*FLASHBACK TIME!*

Beads of sweat dripped down Riku's bloated face while his bladder felt ready to burst. He squirmed and wriggled, the car driving along the highway at nighttime in soothing silence. Some lay fast asleep, most just looked out the window in thought, but not Riku.

Finally, Van spoke up. "Is there something wrong with him?" he asked, pointing to blindfolded, prune-faced boy.

The group, having heard this statement many times and had learned to take it lightly, didn't even look at them.

"Meh Meh Meh Meh!" Riku gargled, turning towards the direction of Van's voice.

Van shook his black spikes. "What are you saying?" he groaned, fed up with the fact that he couldn't understand a word this guy was saying, let alone who he even was.

"MEHE MEHAH!" Riku screamed, also fed up with the fact that nobody understood a word he was saying.

By this time he had woken up the entire car with his inaudible grumbles and groans. "Shut up, got it memorized?" Axel mumbled, then quickly drifted back to sleep.

Zexion put on his thinking pose. "I think he's telling us he needs to use the bathroom," he said scientifically.

They were all too tired to argue with his logic and ask how he totally knew what Riku was saying, so Roxas pulled into the nearest gas station and slid open the door.

While Riku ran frantically to the little boys' room, the rest of them slowly climbed out of the car and stretched their limbs, which had been bent and twisted in odd ways while trapped inside a small van with a lot of people.

After a short silence Demyx finally asked the main question. "Hey, aren't we giving our trackers a good opportunity to catch up?" he asked nervously.

Zexion rolled his eyes. "I highly doubt our pursuers are even still following us," he said. "Besides, they would need some form of high-tech transportation that can travel more than—"

"_Halt! You five are under arrest! Put your hands where we can see them!"_

_FLASH!_

Swarms of helicopters hovered above them, swarming them with their giant beams of light.

"Like that?" said Axel, pointing upwards.

"Shut up," Zexion grumbled.

This time, only one ninja in black flew down on a wire towards them. "You hipsters are in big trouble," the man growled in a deep Southern voice.

Roxas' eyes widened. "Hey…wait a sec…" he mumbled, remembering the man's voice from somewhere. He looked deep into the commander's eyes and whispered, "Cid?"

Cid threw back his head and laughed, ripping his mask off to reveal his familiar face. "Shoot, you noticed," he gushed, flushing a deep red with bashfulness. But his sudden gruff nature took over again as he realized why he was here. "I always expected you would do something like this, with your moppy-do haircut and suspicious black…" He stopped, noticing for the first time the attire in which they were all dressed in. "Why y'all wearing women's underwear?"

"Uh…" mumbled Zexion, tugging at his lacy garments and searching for an excuse.

"It's a long story," Axel choked out.

"Moppy-do?" said Demyx.

Cid nodded and chomped down on the toothpick stuck between his two front teeth. "Oh yeah, I remember all you punks…" he growled. He looked up in recollection. "Why, it seemed like it was only 14 chapters ago…" he said.

*FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK TIME!*

After hearing Roxas' theory, the group appeared in Hollow Bastion a few minutes later, ready for to reveal the culprit. (Xaldin, having nothing better to do, tagged along.)

They went through the dark alleyways and made their way to a small stone cottage with a large green door.

Axel pounded on the door. "Open up!" he shouted. No response.

Roxas took a deep breathe, held out the Keyblade, and shouted, "Oh, thy sword of thy key shapeth, I command you to open the door!"

Still nothing.

Meanwhile, inside the house Cid and Merlin were lying on the couch, watching the sports network. They heard a knock on the door. "D'you hear somethin'?" said Merlin.

"Eh," Cid grumbled, too lazy to speak words of the English language.

Demyx whipped out his sitar. "Dance water, dance!" he shouted. About four water-soldiers appeared, charged at the door, and burst like water balloons the minute they hit the wood, soaking everybody.

Zexion sighed. "Well, this is hopeless," he said. "_Maybe_ if we had something to push the _door_ down, _then_ we could _get inside_." His sarcasm was sincere.

Xaldin's eyes went wide. He grunted, nodded, and grabbed Zexion under his arm. "W-What are you doing?" asked Zexion, worried.

At this point, Merlin had gotten up and had started to make his way towards the door, certain that he had heard someone knock.

Xaldin took a few steps back, and tucked Zexion so that his body was parallel to the ground, his head facing forward.

"RAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Xaldin roared, charging towards the door.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Zexion screamed like a small girl.

"Huh?" said Merlin, his hand on the doorknob, looking out the peephole.

Xaldin smashed through the front door, Zexion's head first. Through the dust and debris, Axel, Roxas, and Demyx ran into the room behind him, clobbering Cid.

"Cut the act, grandpa!" shouted Roxas, grabbing at him and looking him in the eye.

"Eh?" cried Cid, still not able to speak properly.

Axel grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and hoisted him up against the wall. "We know it was youuuuu!" he whispered.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" said Cid, trying to push Axel's hands away.

They were confused. "But...aren't you the great Merlin The Wizard?" he asked.

"No!" said Cid. "He is!" He pointed to the man who was smooshed under the door, waving his arms and legs.

Embarrassed, Axel quickly dropped Cid, dusted him off, and led the group over to Merlin.

*FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK ENDS!*

Cid finished putting handcuffs on all of them minus Vanitas. "It was because of you hippies that we missed _The Glee Project_," he cried, shaking his head.

"But…didn't the flashback say you were watching the Sports Network?" Zexion said, clarifying.

"That's what I said," Cid said brusquely, dropping the subject. He finally set his eyes on Vanitas and raised his eyebrows. "Now you, young man, I'm going to have to call your mother," he said, taking out a notepad.

Van's eyes got wide at he thought about all the punishments Master Xehanort would prepare once he got home. "B-But…" Suddenly, a brilliant yet utterly devilish idea dawned on him. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Don't you recognize me? It's me, Sora," he smiled as cheerfully as his face muscles could possibly muster.

"Eh?" Cid looked him up and down, examining him all over. "Shoot, it is you Sora!" he cried, smiling a broad grin. "But…what are you doing with this…harem?" He nonchalantly pointed his pen at his four other companions.

Van took a large sidestep away from his new friends. "I have no idea who these people are," he stated without feeling remorse. With that, he linked arms with Cid and began to walk back towards their ride.

Axel's, Roxas', Zexion's, and Demyx's mouths popped wide open. "SORA!" they wailed in chorus, their hands still handcuffed behind their backs.

Van turned back around, and suddenly his warm and cheery smile turned dramatically into a grin of pure malice and evil. "So long, fellahs!" he called, giving them a little wave.

At that moment Riku strolled out of the bathroom with a huge smile of his own. "Hey guys!" he shouted, walking over. "The bathroom was full, but look, the swelling went down!" he pointed to his normally gorgeous face, laughing and giving coronaries to fangirls across the globe.

Cid gasped. "Oh butternut, another one!" he cried, taking out another pair of handcuffs and even a small bottle of pepper spray. "Freeze, moppy-do!" he screamed, tackling the poor teenager to the ground.

*FLASHBACK ENDS!*

Riku's lip quivered in protest. "But…" He gave a sideways glance to the sad-excuse-for-a-toilet.

"Oh come on…" groaned Axel.

"Pee like a man!" yelled Zexion, throwing down his girly novel with a loud slam.

Riku took a shaky breath and closed his eyes. "Fine," he muttered. "Turn around." Everyone slowly turned around as Riku quickly "did what he had to do".

Roxas stopped clanking his keyblade against the metal bars. "Hey, has Sora always been a natural noir?" he asked, remembering Van's black spikey hair.

Nobody paid any attention to that statement.

Demyx grinned and reached into his pocket. "At times like this, it's always good to have a bit of music," he said, taking out a harmonica. He paused, took a deep breath, and blew as hard as he could into the plastic toy he bought for only 3 munny.

"EEEEEEEEE!"

"Argh!" everyone screamed, falling to the floor in agony as they desperately tried to cover their ears.

"Curse classic films for putting the idea into peoples' heads that playing the harmonica is essential to prison life!" Riku moaned at the sky, shaking his fist as the hideous noise still rang through the air.

"Aiii!" screamed Axel, picking up _A Walk to Remember_ and throwing it, thwacking Demyx in the head and causing the dreaded instrument to make a strangled "EEE!" before it disappeared.

Axel grinned. "Finally," he breathed, leaning back against the wall and presuming to file his chakrams.

Roxas crawled over to the unconscious Demyx and poked him in the stomach, causing a faint "eeee…" to escape his unmoving lips.

Roxas' eyes widened. "Uh, guys," he said, his voice rising to frightening hights.

"Though I wonder where the harmonica went," Axel thought out loud, looking off into space.

"I think he swallowed it," Roxas murmured.

"Must've dropped somewhere around here," said Axel, scanning his eyes across the bare floor.

"I think he swallowed it," Roxas said a little louder, looking at Axel.

"Eh, who cares anyway? It's gone," Axel sighed, completely ignoring the sound of Roxas' voice.

"BECAUSE HE SWALLOWED IT!" yelled Roxas.

Demyx slowly sat up, rubbing the large bump on the back of his head. "Hey guys, what did I miss—eeee!" He slapped his hand to his mouth at his involuntary sound.

Axel snapped his fingers. "I got it! He must've swallowed it!" Roxas facepalmed.

Riku picked up the instrument's small container. "It says here that it contains radium," he examined. He looked up at Zexion. "Is that bad?"

Zexion flipped to the next page of his book with vigor, completely unfazed by Riku's question. "Radium is an almost pure white alkaline earth metal that is highly radioactive and decays into radon gas." When he got no response, he sighed and sounded it out to them slowly. "It will kill him," he explained.

Demyx let out a frightened squeak. Zexion put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "But don't worry. I have a special antidote that's sure to make you better in no time!" Demyx sighed with relief.

"Who taught you how to make an antidote?" asked Riku.

"Vexen showed me, of course," replied Zexion with a sadistic grin. Demyx, knowing of Vexen's inhuman obsession with long, sharp needles and particularly painful procedures, fainted.

Suddenly out of nowhere, Axel began to laugh. "Heehee…Hahaha…HeeHaHeeHa! Bwahahaah! HAHAHAHAHA-!"

Roxas, who had last heard that laugh right before Axel beat the munny out of him while playing Mario Kart, stopped fanning Demyx and began to backpedal away from him slowly. "Dude, calm down," he said slowly, trying to calm him down.

Axel finally wiped away a tear and spoke. "You know…being trapped like this…it kind of reminds me of something funny..."

Zexion chuckled and crossed his arms across his chest. "Yeah," he agreed, looking off into the distance.

Roxas and Riku gazed at them with the oddest of expressions. "What are you guys talking about?" asked Roxas.

Zexion shook his head. "You two weren't there…" he murmured.

"And we weren't the one's being trapped…" mumbled Axel. "So who…?" They both stopped in their tracks.

O~P~E~N~W~H~E~N~I~M~D~E~A~D

_In The Pridelands…._

Rafiki scooped young Simba into his arms and walked over to the very edge of Pride Rock. He silently stood before the waiting crowd and looked up at the slowly rising sun, creating a pink and orange horizon that framed the savannah in the most dramatic of ways, perfect for the morning's ceremony.

With one swift lift he brought the young lion cub up towards the sky right as a piercing cry was heard off in the distance…

_"OH SH**!"_

Startled, Rafiki completely lost his grip on the young one and flung Simba out into the audience towards a very stomping and panicked audience.

Mufasa ran forward and looked down towards the large cloud of dust that had formed below them, desperately looking for his son. "Did you DROP HIM?!" he cried, his jaw dropping wide open.

Rafiki stuttered, "Well…I heard this noise…someone shrieking…very bad language…I couldn't help myself…I…"

The entire lion population now shook their heads at the sad little monkey for losing the one and only heir to Pride Rock.

When Mufasa walked away Rafiki glanced up at the sky and shook his head, puzzled. "What the papaya…?"

O~P~E ~N~W~H~E~N~I~M~D~E~A~D

Zexion frantically began pacing back and forth, practically tearing out his silver hair with worry. "Where'd you put her?!" he cried.

"I-I put her in the dungeon!" replied Axel, chomping down on his fingernails.

"Have you been giving her food and water?"

"No, I thought YOU were going to do that!"

"Aw, and it's already been nine chapters…"

"WHAT are you guys talking about?" shouted Roxas, bewildered by their sudden nature. Riku was too busy fanning Demyx awake to take any notice.

"We'll explain on the way!" shouted Zexion, opening up a dark corridor. (Why he didn't do that at the beginning of the chapter is unknown). "Right now we need to go back and—" He stopped, his face contorting into a pale grimace as his foot came down with a _SPLASH!_ inside the darkness.

He slowly turned to face Riku, his facial expressions rock-hard. "Riku…"

Riku pretended not to hear him and fanned Demyx with Zexion's book even harder, so hard in fact that it practically created a small tornado.

"Riku…"

"Did it suddenly get chillier in here?" said Riku, shivering and putting his arms around him.

"Riku…"

"Golly, one minute it's a pleasant 70 degrees and now it's below freezing…"

"RIKU!"

"I'M SORRY, OKAY?!" Riku cried, slamming his book down on Demyx's face. "The toilet was really icky and disgusting and I was under a lot of pressure and I had to pee or else I was literally going to EXPLODE and the only thing I could think of was to summon the darkness because I've been raving on about it for the past seven games…"

"Hehe," grinned Roxas as Zexion desperately tried to wipe off Riku's man-pee off his shoe.

"…and I accidentally broke Roxas' iPod in half…" Riku continued, now suddenly beginning a slew of confessions that he couldn't control.

"What?!" said Roxas, spinning around.

"…and I stole Axel's oven mitts and I accidentally looked at all of the locked files on Zexion's computer which by the way—"

Axel and Zexion both stumbled forward at once and clamped their hands over Riku's mouth. "It's okay!" blurted Zexion. "It's alright, we forgive you, just stop talking!" He stood up and began to walk towards the contaminated darkness. "Let's just go, okay? We can explain everything on the way there."

And with that, Axel, Zexion, Riku, and Roxas dragging Demyx ran off into the darkness to see what awaited them on the other side.

* * *

><p><strong>Ah, the things you can do with your own copy of <span>A Walk To Remember<span>...**

**For all you people who couldn't follow along…Riku peed in the dark corridor. ****But what's the deal with Queen Minnie?! Is she still alive?! You're going to have to wait to find out…**

**Thank you to all of the lovely people who reviewed! You helped inspire me to write this chapy!**

**But it's not too late for the rest of you! You can still be a good person and review this chapter and not be the odd girl/boy out! Think of the starving children in third-world countries who can't read stories like these! DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!**

**That being said, R/R!**


	18. Kool-aided LIE!

**A/N: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everybody!**

**Disclaimers: Don't own KH, Kool-aid, pinatas, or iPhones. **

* * *

><p>"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" wept Demyx, collapsing onto the dark red puddle. He scooped up some of the fluid into his hands. "She was so young…so tiny…so fragile—"<p>

"Demy, I don't think that's blood," said Zexion, scooping up a sample and storing it in a plastic bag. "It doesn't appear to be the same consistency, and there's no scent of—RIKU YOU IDIOT!"

Riku peeled his tongue slowly off the dungeon floor and paused, swishing around the fluid inside his mouth. "Hmmm…tastes like strawberries!" he cried, grinning hungrily.

Roxas eyes grew until they were LITERALLY larger than his stomach. He tugged on Axel's sleeve. "Axel, why can't _my_ blood taste like strawberries?" he whimpered.

Demyx sniffed and stirred the red liquid around. "She always was just like strawberries; sweet and juicy…but kinda seedy, too."

Zexion emerged from his facepalm and snapped his fingers in epiphany. "It's Kool-aid!" he concluded.

Everyone froze in disgust. "Who DRINKS that stuff?" said Roxas, wrinkling his nose.

Axel shoved his hands into his pockets. "It's actually most popularly used as a hair dye," he stated. "It's the easiest and cheapest way to get red hair—what?"

Everyone stared at him. (Except Riku, who was, by this point, still licking the fruit juice off the ground.)

Tears formed in the corners of Roxas's eyes. "You mean…you're not an actual redhead?" he whimpered.

Axel jumped nearly 10 feet in the air and began to nervously scratch his scalp. "W-What? N-No, what would ever make you say THAT?!" he stuttered, voice cracking all the way.

Zexion quickly leapt over and yanked Axel's hand away from his head, examining the red powdery residue left under the male's fingernails. They all gasped in shock (minus Riku, whose tongue was now STUCK to the floor of the dungeon).

The young scientist threw Axels hand back down to his side and spat on the ground in anguish. "You LIED to us!" he hissed, glancing down upon the pyro.

"TRAITOR!" Demyx shouted, pointing fingers. Roxas began to cry.

"Now, come on you guys," Axel said desperately. "We still need to focus on the situation at hand; we still need to find out what happened to the queen…right?"

Zexion snorted, then opened and shut his book with a _SLAM!_ for emphasis. "You win this round…FAKE!"

"PHONY!" said Demyx.

"WANNABE!" wailed Roxas.

"MEH-MEH!" gargled Riku, who was still struggling to detach his tongue from the floor.

Zexion stomped over, yanked Riku up off the floor, tucked the young man under his arm, and marched off through the portal once more. "Come, Roxas, Demyx," he said. The three of them stormed out in quite a huff, and left the lonely pyro to slowly follow behind.

~O~P~E~N~W~H~E~N~I~M~D~E~A~D~

"Where ARE we?" Roxas, Demyx, and Zexion said in unison, glancing simultaneously at their unfamiliar surroundings.

"Looks like a kid's birthday party," Axel commented, folding his arms across his chest.

"No one asked you!" snapped Roxas.

Zexion tossed his hair. "Tch, I could've figured that out…" he muttered. Axel groaned and rolled his eyes, mentally reminding himself of the "Code of Silence" that the two made him take on the way there.

However, it really did look like a kid's birthday party. Screaming kids flooded the streets, balloons crowded out the sky, and the irresistible smell of cake and cotton candy filled the air.

Riku began to perspire with nervousness. "H-Hey guys, I think we better leave," he groaned. He held his stomach and head and pretended to groan once more. "I think I'm coming down with something!"

"First your tongue gets stuck to the floor, and NOW you feel like you're getting a temperature?" said Zexion, shaking his head.

"Hehe, it's kind of funny, if you think about it…" began Axel.

"I disagree!" hissed Demyx.

"Maybe we DON'T WANNA think about it!" Zexion spat.

"HUSHEDY-HUSH!" shushed Roxas, giving Axel a "talk-to-the-hand" gesture. Axel rolled his eyes once more.

Riku turned around to leave. "Okay, w-well, I'm gonna call it a day, alright?" But he wasn't able to leave before he was spotted.

"Hey!"

Everyone looked down to see a pudgy little boy covered in chocolate and other sticky sugary substances, pointing up at Riku. "I know you!"

Riku attempted to block his face as much as he could. "Run along, little boy! Go back to where you came from…nothing to see here…" he muttered, shuffling away as nonchalantly as he could.

The little boy's eyes widened. "Yeah, it IS you!" he shouted. "You're the weirdo who stole the piñata blindfold from my _last_ birthday party!"

This time everyone swerved to stare at Riku. "You stole a blindfold from a CHILD? At their own BIRTHDAY PARTY?!" cried Axel. This time, no one did anything to shut him up.

Riku stuttered for something to say, but finally stuck with, "Ah, it's a long story…" (A verrrry long story, one which you probably _would not_ want to hear.)

The little boy crossed his arms and raised his little eyebrows. "You better give it back, or else SHE might come after you!"

Zexion threw back his head and uttered a horrid laugh. "Who? Your mom? We're so scared!" He waved his arms in mock helplessness, gaining laughter from his companions.

The boy shook his head and grinned, showing off the space between his two front teeth. "No, my older sister," he said, pausing for effect. "She's a _fangirl_."

They all screamed in terror, shoving each other out of the way in order to get back to the portal first. "Flee, you fools! Flee!" Zexion cried, jumping into the black hole first. Demyx followed soon afterward.

"SAVE ME!" screamed Roxas, clinging to Axel. Axel did a small fistpump of triumph, then jumped in as well.

Riku whipped the blindfold out of his pocket and fastened it over his eyes. He raised his fists in the air. "See ya later, suckahs!" he screamed, loud enough for the entire party of minors to hear. He grinned, turned around, leapt forward, missed the portal by about 2 feet, and landed in the dirt with a disappointing _THUMP!_

The entire party became absolutely silent, clouded by the awkwardness that had just been omitted by the situation.

Riku cleared his throat. "Oh."

~O~P~E~N~W~H~E~N~I~M~D~E~A~D~

Once inside the safety of darkness, the four looked around worriedly. "Where's Riku?" said Demyx.

Zexion wiped the sweat from his brow. "We can spare a few casualties," he said. "This is what the battlefield is like men, and you shall soon get used to it.

Silence penetrated the small group as they tried to picture Zexion on the battlefield, but none could. Of course, no one exactly missed having Riku around, so they said nothing.

"Now," said Zexion, "Let's find Queen Minnie!"

Roxas shook his head. "I wonder what terrible, horrible things must have happened to her before we got there…"

_Well actually…_

* * *

><p><em>Only a few moments before the group arrived at the scene of the crime…<em>

"Help meeee…" the Queen rasped one last time, clinking her change can against the cold, metal bars of her prison cell. (No one was there to give her any munny, but nonetheless!)

The Dark Mercenary (aka Cloud Strife) suddenly burst onto the scene from a black portal of his own, looking extremely confused. "Wait," he said, checking the GPS app on his iPhone. "Where's the gummi ship…?"

The Queen leapt up and hugged graciously. "Oh thankyouthankyouthankyouthan kyouthankyou!" she cried. "I've been trapped here for days with nothing to eat or drink but this eye-watering-yet-somehow-addicting-fruity-red-drink left behind by that red-headed ruffian!"

Cloud's eyes widened, but tossed his hair all cool-like. "Does this red-headed ruffian happen to wear…a black coat?!"

The Queen nodded. Cloud strife chuckled wickedly as his plan seemed to come together just perfectly. "Come," he spoke, opening up the dark portals of space. "There's no time to waste!"

The Queen dropped her juice box to the ground and followed quickly.

And thus, the assassin's journey continued.

* * *

><p><strong>I<strong>** dunno Roxas…that doesn't sound very terrible and horrible to me…**

**Will Cloud and Minnie ever track down the others? Will Zexion, Roxas, and Demyx ever stop shunning Axel? Will Riku ever stop wearing the blindfold? What color IS Axel's hair? Subscribe to find out…**

**Or leave a comment, that works too.**


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